A new direction?

[Clarabelle]

I've noticed a pattern to my thougths and emotions. Most of the time everything is fine, I feel calm and accepting, but sometimes I feel upset, agitated, unresolved, and that's when I make poor decisions. Until recently it was also when I got into conflicts with my husband.

 

NC has been good. But what came up for me last night when I was feeling calm and relaxed and happy is that I truly want an opportunity to resolve this conflict with my husband, and to resolve it as a family, as a couple. I won't feel comfortable until I do. NC has allowed me to see the ways I contributed to our fights and problems. Reading the posts of the dumpees on this forum has helped me understand why my husband might not want to come back to me and why he might want to stay with his gf, even if he's not head over heels about her - she's kind to him, as well as the fact that they don't have a substantial history and haven't had to face conflict yet. He already told me he's afraid I'll ask him to leave again.

 

I can't go back to what I was doing with him before in our separation (being friends, hanging out) because we were still fighting about the same old stuff, he was having his cake and eating it too (having me and the gf), and he wasn't coming through as far as the child care. Now we are not fighting and he is really cooperating with me about our daughter for the FIRST TIME ever. Plus I won't indulge him as long as he has another gf. He asked me before to wait - I did for a while, but I won't put myself in that position anymore. NC is working for me, and I won't be put into the "torn between 2 lovers" scenario again, but I do love this man and I feel strongly committed to making our marriage work. Maybe it's a matter of time, trust and faith, and putting love in my heart and into the limited interactions that we do have for the time being.

[Brandell]

Um, Clarabelle are you talking to yourself here? I have noticed that in your posts... you don't even invite anyone to share...

 

I have alot to say about your post but do you expect replies? or is this just a personal outpouring?

[kungfumaster]

Hi Clarabelle,

 

I have followed a bit of your situation, and let me tell you that whenever I read your posts, I feel a sort of calmness and quiteness that can only come from grace. I am blown away at your ability to put your heart and your mind to work together in a nice symphony of healing and progress.

 

Keep on posting!! It really helps us too.

 

Take care.

Kung fu

[Mun]

I have followed a bit of your situation, and let me tell you that whenever I read your posts, I feel a sort of calmness and quiteness that can only come from grace. I am blown away at your ability to put your heart and your mind to work together in a nice symphony of healing and progress.

 

What a nice comment kungfumaster, I wish someone would say that about me ..eh

 

Clara you just keep on working on yourself. You are making progress.. I know it. There is not much you can do for your husband. You can't make him want to work for this marriage---that has to come entirely from him, but you already knew this right? The only thing you have control over is yourself and how you respond to your situation.

 

You will get to the point where you have healed enough to make a decision about your future. Until then... hang in there