Me and ex are talking, now what?

[craigblitz]

Detox... if you want us to say hey do what you are doing and you are doing things just perfect then ok. Detox you are on the right path of getting her back!! Change nothing.

 

But you also know the situation better then any of us and have to do what you feel is best.

 

here is what I THINK from your last post...

 

"if she doesnt want to talk to me, then why am i on her list and I can clearly see her."

 

Several reasons... she is not mad at you, maybe has not thought about it, doesn't bother her to see you onine. Lots of reasons, but I think you are looking too much into this.

 

"But this is the only way she would contact me"

 

Maybe I am wrong here, but I think that should tell you something. Maybe I am wrong, but if she can not pick up the phone to call you where do you the realtionship is at this point?

 

"cause ive adapted to NC so well and I kinda like shutting her out......

But I really have to kinda think of her, what if she wants to talk, but is not ready, not sure, thats why im online "

 

Dude that is a 100% flip-flop. Do you like NC or are you trying to validate your actions as trying to show that you care and that is why you are online.

 

I think im gonna be patient see how things go, build trust, and if i get no joy im going NC........

 

Again is this about you, or is this really about being there for her. Again another flip-flop statement from you. Your like I want to be there for her, but I get no Joy I am gone. Sounds to me like you are trying to use IM conversation as means to convince her to get back with you and if that does not work you are gone.

 

"me not being in her head so she can think of me off her own back, and not think of me just cause shes seen me online, get wat i mean."

 

That is what we are trying to tell you. Go away, if she wants to talk to you she will find you. Call you or email you. It sounds to me you initiate most the IM chatting, this way if you disappear and she seeks you, you know a lot more about how she thinks of you.

 

Again, it sounds to me this is still very much all about you and you want us to justify what you are doing. I think the advice that Shocked gave you is dead money and you can do with it what you will. I also know you know the situation a lot better then myself and have to do what you feel is best, but I fear you are looking into things too much and she really has not done anything for you to have your hopes up.

[detox5]

I dont wanna make it hard for her to come talk to me, shes had her difficulties, this is not a game. I just wanna show her im availible, which I have and she messaged me, not me message her first. This seems like a weird way to go, I dont think things that other people have tried will work with me. The more we talk I feel the more trust is grown, I hope that soon we can talk on the phone and chat, I want her to have that same comfort as when we was going out, I was there for her before and I have to proove it again, and im slowy doing it. But you are right I have been selfish, and it seems that I might have been playing, just to get what I want. I really do care for her, but sometimes caring too much can get me hurt.

[gallway]

Detox, here's something that's helped me. It's a way to approach thinking about no-contact. I gave lip service to the idea of wanting my ex to be happy no matter what...but in the back of my mind was the idea that she would be happiest with me. At one point I decided to believe my ex when she said she was happier without me. I decided to give her what she wanted. I was always looking for ways to make her happy when the answer was obvious: pissing off was the best thing I could do to make her happy. Every day when I fought not to pick up the phone, or wrote a letter that never got mailed I knew I was doing something FOR HER. It made me feel less helpless. It was a gesture of respect for her feelings, and of my faith and strength. I used my passion to stop me from using my passion...the irony will make you cry, but just let it flow. After perhps three months of NC the emails and calls came. I've been keeping my cool for the most part, and have never pleaded or begged, but I'm certain what made it all possible was my own self control and commitment to making her happy in the long run, even if it killed me in the short term. That's love, at least a symptom of love. This idea won't be lost on your ex either. If she knows how you feel about her then she'll put two and two together eventually. My big dilemma is whether or not to tell her about this some time. Maybe that would take away some of it's power. Anyway, maybe if you come at it this way you'll have an easier time. You're doing something FOR HER (and it's about all you CAN do) every time you don't call.

[detox5]

Tbh im doing just that, im letting her contact me, and she is doing it, if we dont speak well thats down to her. Im showing that I care for her and stuff which i truly am, im trying to show her that SHES in control, and its slowly coming together, shes feeling alot more comfortable around me which is good. Ive taken craigs advice about letting her have the control and stuff and its not doing me to bad, the thing you said, im not sure if it applies, but kinda does. Im not sure how I can show her I care about her and want whats best for her, Ive said it in the past, and not really meant it. Shes really happy in life at the moment shes told me, she hasnt said with or without me, but she said shes happy, which makes me warm knowing shes ok. I just hope hope she knows that I am happy thats shes happy and stuff, how did you tell your ex?Did you prove to her that you respected her happyness and then went NC?