He ended things with me then tol me 'I love you' for the first time

[Staples 29]

Hi guys,

 

 

So basically, I've been seeing this guy for some 6 months. It started out casual and then became serious (more for him than me) but I genuinely like(d) him.

 

 

Basically, yesterday we were talking about how excited we were to see each other and he was just being into me as always. We'd kind of gotten to a place where we were comfortable with being happy together. You know the kind of guy everyone except you can clearly see is in love with you. Yes.

 

He'd do things like call to ask me an opinion on something he didn't care about just to hear me talk - he finds, well found me so intelligent (bless)

 

Fast forward to Friday afternoon, we were supposed to spend the evening together and I checked on him (he was drinking on Thursday - I couldn't join him because I had work - and told me he adored me - in a matter of fact way- ending with 'good night my angel' as usual) and he couldn't make it because of an emotional reason to him - he has severe abandonment issues (adoption homes and all). Naturally I was upset and he kept telling me how sorry he was for making me upset. He ended the chat with 'speak later baby'

 

I had planned a surprise for him so I updated my status saying there was a free strip tease session available amongst other funny jokes - so quite generic.

 

Well... He deleted me off BBM (as well as my sister) and Facebook (and my two friends). I called him immediately (no reply) and then text him after wards saying he didn't have to do this and he should tell me why.

 

His reply 'Sorry. I have to. Good luck baby'

 

I replied saying he didn't have to esp if he cared about me like he said and that he should calm down and he had my number if he wanted to talk to me and I'd check on him sometime soon.

 

Later I sent him another text message saying I was bothered that he could go from telling me he adored me to removing me from his life... He replied saying 'Everything means too much. And we are going somewhere he isn't willing to go and it isn't fair on either of us'

 

 

I thanked him for this and told him it means a lot to me too and that he shouldn't be a stranger and to enjoy the weekend. The end.

 

 

He replied 3 hours later with 'I will. I love you. Goodluck X' First time he's said it to me.

 

 

Really? I love you - that is such a present tense thing to say. He is not a say things for the sake of it person. Never has been so I think he wanted to let me know. My friends think he wants me to fight for him. But good luck (with your life I assume) - It's all so confusing. They also think he's done this because I don't appear to like him as much as he does me.

 

I sent him a text on Saturday that in light of what we said I want us to fix this and I'll give him space and time then check to see how he feels.

 

I know no one can tell me exactly what's happened or what is going on in his head but I'd appreciate perspectives on this and possibly advice on how to proceed.

 

I am considering giving him a week or so to miss me and then just check on him - I plan on sending a text (Tuesday/Wednesday afternoon) asking to call or meet up with him so I can understand properly and tell him how I feel (should it be that this was a serious factor for him). No pressure, no begging or anything. I'd rather he knew I cared about him strongly and then still maintained his decision to end it - at least I'll know I tried.

[RitaTrue]

As long as you know that trying to get him to miss you will not win him back, I'd say proceed with caution. Good luck getting closure. I think that's worth more, honestly.

[Staples 29]

Yes I do. I've already accepted it and slowly getting used to not talking everyday and all. It's just been 3 - 4 days afterall. I just don't understand how someone can go from loving you passionately to ending it (but still loving you). And because of his past experiences and impulsive nature it just seems like a spur of the moment thing he felt compelled to do (cue abandonment issues)

 

Regardless, I've always had my guard up (I had just come out of a 4.5 year relationship which ended because of distance) hence why he's needed constant reassurance that I loved him. He definitely moved faster than me and wanted to be my boyfriend when I didn't want one because I wanted to take my time. So maybe he felt I'd hurt him. Funny thing was, on Thursday I was coming round to the idea that maybe he indeed wanted to stay. So I'm not heartbroken as much as I miss him as a person as were good for each other and spending time together.

[Staples 29]

I sent him a final text on Wednesday telling him it was alright and there were no hard feelings as well as wishing him luck.

 

He replied wanting to fix a time and place to talk. I was sleeping when he finally called and he texted to say we'd speak tomorrow. I texted back saying ok and we had some friendly (funny) exchange about the way I signed my name at the end of the text message. All the while, he ended it with 'X'

 

We spoke yesterday evening and he felt that it was all too much for him and we were heading for a relationship and he didn’t want to deal with the emotions that came with it. Bear in mind HE was the one pushing for everything to be serious and wanting me to know how much he cared

 

The trigger for him on that day was him feeling so awful for making me upset and also feeling like I wasn’t being very understanding. I explained why any normal person would be upset by that. He told me really really really liked me and it was hard on him because caring in the past had only brought him heartache.

 

I told him I understood and he said to give it time to cool down and ended with I’ll speak to you soon.

 

I text him afterwards thanking him for being honest with me (I know how hard it must have been for him because he hates discussing emotions) and that I will respect his choice and I hope we speak soon.

 

He replied thanking me and apologising. He said he hoped I find someone best suited to my needs.

 

I told him it was all fine and thank you for being there for me the past few months and to feel free to talk to me whenever

 

So much he texted and she texted. I miss him a whole lot and I know he cares about me but I have to respect his decision. I just wish he would stop letting the past affecting his future. I am moving on- admittedly half heartedly because a part of me wants him to call me and say he was willing to get over his fear. The other part of me accepts this may never happen. I just really hate the thought of severing all ties with someone I care about. Sigh.

 

Anyone been in a position like this? If two people clearly care about each other they should just damn the odds and be together (my 2 pence anyway.. Lol)