Break-up of a long distance relationship

[birdy]

I am very sad because my long-distance relationship of 3 years has just come to an end.

 

Here is the story: my ex-girlfriend is from the Netherlands and I am from one of Eastern European countries. We met on Internet and maintained a long-distance relationship that seemed to be working very well at the beginning. We used to see each other every two months (sometimes even more often). However, after several months, she suggested I move in with her. It took me a few months to make up my mind and it wasn't an easy decision, but I decided not to move in with her, for many reasons. But I told her I would apply for a job in one of the European Union institutions located in Brussels in order to be closer to her. Last year I got a grant for a five-month traineeship in Brussels and went there. It was wonderful, we could see each other almost every weekend. But it ended quickly and I had to go back to my country. I noticed she became distant and we saw each other less and less since then. She didn't want to come to visit me for a long time and in January this year I made her confess on-line that she was feeling very lonely and considering breaking up with me. I couldn't believe it and decided to try even harder to make our long-distance relationship work. In the meantime I applied for a job in one of the European Union institutions (but based in Luxembourg, not Brussels) and got selected for the post. I was very happy about it and truly believed it would be easier to see each other once I move to Luxembourg (it is five-six hours drive from where she lives, and the plane tickets are less expensive, besides I will have a very well-paid job). I am planning to move there in the last week of May/at the beginning of June. Two weeks ago she came to visit me in my country to tell me, as it turned out, that she was breaking up with me. She said that after I decided to accept the job in Luxembourg, she realized that I would never move in with her and since it is too difficult to continue a long-distance relationship, she had to break up with me. I cried and begged her to change her mind, but she didn't. She says that she still loves me, though and wants to be friends with me, if I want it too. I don't know what to do, please say what you think of this all.

[Santorini]

hello there,

 

True !!! it's really difficult to maintain a long distance relationship. My ex is at Canada and im at Hong kong. There is 24 hours time difference between. We did have wonderful time, but of coz, we broke up at last.

 

So actually i don't think netherland and one of the eastern european country has a great distance. "love can move mountain"

She said she still love u, but she don't want to maintain a long distance relationship. I think she is getting angry with u actually. Maybe she thinks your job is more important than her in your heart, that's why she is angry.

 

If u really love her, If u really can't live without her, why don't u move in to be with her ? Does your work really so important ? I am sure she will be very surprised and happy when she know u move in to be with her.

 

It's very hard to find the one we love. Please treasure her, ok ? don't let her go so easily. If u really love her, try to move in with her.

Distance is always an obstacle for us. Distance always change people's mind. It will be too late if u regret someday. So just go and find her if u really love her. If u don't decide to find her and don't decide to move in, then just forget her.

[SwingFox]

Hi birdy,

 

Funny that you're talking about someone in The Netherlands. That's where I am coming from myself. Anyways, welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for posting your message here. I am sorry to hear what happened to you. I understand that you were not ready yet to move in her yet, although I don't understand really why. It might be the language barrier for now, but that's just pure speculation.

 

Santorini commented that 6 hours isn't really that far away, however, considering that The Netherlands itself is not very big, six hours for us is a long distance in our mind and culture. I do believe that distance is the only reason why she broke up. I am sure that she had plans to be more often with you and to be closer to you, so you could see each other on a daily basis. If you are really involved in each other, chances would have been that you ended up that way anyways.

 

Since the backgrounds are not really clear to me, there's not really any more advice I can give you. I hope that things will work out for you eventually and I wish you good luck with that.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[birdy]

Thanks a lot for your reply. But I don't understand why I would have to be the one who has to leave all and move, now I will have a very good job, I will be earning much more money than she makes, she could move in with me to Luxembourg as well. True, my job is important for me, but her job is also important for her, she would never leave her job and her country for me.

[SwingFox]

Hi birdy,

 

Thank you for your reply. I understand better now, why you would want her to move to Luxembourg. I speculated, though, that you didn't want to move in together with her at all. Not in your country, in The Netherlands or somewhere else. My mistake

 

I believe you are in a stalemate now, though. I still can understand that your g/f would want to be closer to you, but if you both are not willing to give up a job then I have a feeling that things are a little bit awkward. Could it be that in the end you're better off separately?

 

I wish you a bright future and hope that you will find happiness anyways: with or without this woman.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[birdy]

Thanks a lot, Swing Fox.

I think you are right that we will be better off separately after all.

Groetjes.