For those of you who wait for the ex's to call

[dontknowwhattodo]

For those of you who have waited restlessly for the ex's to call, please read on if these apply to you.

 

1. The ex broke up with you giving nonsense excuses and said it didn't work out.

 

2. You cried your heart out, begged, pleded, and said that you would try anything to save the relationship.

 

3. He/she denied and insisted that there was no way to save it, thus, you two should go on your own paths.

 

4. He/she left. You stopped eating and functioning. You spent days and nights crying.

 

5. After a while, you reached to the point that you were too tired to cry and realized that it was really over.

 

6. Then you initiated the NC hoping to heal. You were doing well and started to see the light again.

 

7. You started to have your life and looked forward to the future without him/her. Things have been going relatively well.

 

8. All a sudden the ex called/emailed you out of the blue. You were stirred, confused, not sure what he/she wanted.

 

9. The ex had the gut to ask if you wanted to do something with him/her. Your little heart was swelling like a balloon. Your hope rised up high thinking he/she missed you and wanted to be back together.

 

10. You looked forward to the day he/she said you two would do something. Sadly, that day never came.

 

11. You went back to no. 4 (a.k.a. square one).......until he/she called (again).

 

I am one of the people in this cycle and decide today that it is such a waste of time and emotions. I just realize that there is a pattern. The only reason the ex calls is just to boot up his self esteem and doesn't really care what effect it has on me when he calls to give false hope. No more. I hope I am strong enough to not picking up his next call.

[Ated]

I am actually in the same position right now!

 

 

 

What would your advice be?? Just not pick up his call, or pick it up but act busy and never agreee to make plans. I do agree with:

 

How do i avoid this. We also live pretty close and we bump into each other more than necessary... He said he wants to be in friendly terms. He called yesterday after 5 motnhs. And he has a new gf, he said that she is eager to meet me.... what the?

[RayF]

Ated what a load of crap!

 

Tell him. verbally or in your head, to screw off!

 

thats just bs!

 

don'tknowhattdo,

 

your cycle describes what happened to me perFECTLY.

 

there are those out there who will prolong their healing, waiting being the ex's friend. knowing it's only making things easier for the ex and harder for themselves.

 

many sit and watch and be a doormat to their ex while they haveother relationships andexperience the anguish that comesut f it.

 

and in a one in a hundred chancethe ex decides they're better off with them and goes back to them. the rest of the time that dosn't happen.

 

if there are those out there who would be willing to do that to themselves then that's what they have to do.

 

I look at it this way i deserve someone who will put that much effort into me and not to wait around endlessly for something that will prbably never happen.

 

I experenced the anxiety of the "what could this mean" when my ex gave me some bs casual email about nothing really after a period of n/c.

 

What did they want out of it? "we have such a good chemesty we can offer eachother smething no one else can... as friends."

 

No way am i doing that to myself, she wanted me gone. i'm gone. there is no in-between if my needs aren'tbeing met then why make it easier for her?

 

If some day i feel i may be in the position to settle for friends even if nothing ever cmes ut f it? who knows. That day is a long long way off and it may never come. Mypast is my past. I don't feel right or fine exactly here in the present, but i will not dwell in the past.

 

I concider thgat person she was when she loved me dead now, or at least gone. that persn wuld have neverhave left me, i can't make what she has become something that it's not.

[Ated]

So tell him to drown in his own bovine fecal matter and just move on right?

 

I have another post and im not vengeful at all. I think I came off very evil. But seriosuly, this guy made me feel worthless. ANd i think that its cos he thinks that im sooo 'loving and caring' that he thinks i can just forghive him like that... and befriend him. I wanna tell him otherwise! I wanna be unpredictable. He is expecting me to welcome him with open arms... but i dun want to. Im still healing... while hes got a new replacement for me. My feelings for him was real! REAL! I gave EVERYTHING i can.... i was true to him, loyal to him. and then he drops me with a snap of a finger. i just wanna give him a guilty conscious. he expects me to be friends with him, he hasnt even apologised. I dont think he realises how much he screwed my mentality over.

[rich46]

Thanks RayF, your reply really hit home with me! I have chosen the no contact route and I am healing quite a lot, it's just sometimes I question my decision to not be her friend. However, deep down I know that it's just not possible and when you said:

it's only making things easier for the ex and harder for themselves.

Well, that sums it up really. As tough as no contact is, it is a damn sight easier than having to hear how wonderful your ex is doing. The only reason my ex wanted to stay friends was to ease her own guilt, whereas now she will have to wonder just how good/bad I am doing, whether I have moved on, whether I have met someone else, etc.

 

Ated, why are you even thinking about this situation? Tell him to sling his hook, and move on. Something better will come your way, and you'll meet someone who can provide the loving and loyalty that you deserve. Don't accept anything less.

 

Take care,

 

Rich

[me4ta]

I watched old episodes of Sex and the City where Carrie meets Mr. Big after they haven't seen each other or talked for a while after they broke up, and he called her specifically to let her know he was getting married.

 

She got so upset, naturally, not understanding why he HAD to tell her that....

 

And after reading this thread or other threads where you guys say your exes call you and tell you about their new significant others.....I just couldn't understand, what drives those people to do that....

 

I mean, SaTC really sums all of the possible situations in life, and it only proves by reading this forum that things like that happen in real life.....Can anyone explain this to me, because I did not have a lot of experience with breaking up with people myself, I was usually a dumpee, but none of my exes shared their love life news with me after.....

 

I think that should be the REAL deal breaker for all of you who had this happened to......like a revelation - that's it, not only this person didn't appreciate you (in other words broke up with you), but he/she deliberately trying to hurt you. If you think about it, it's the lowest thing that anyone could possibly do, calling their ex who's left heartbroken to tell them how happy they are with their new gf/bf (in other words without YOU)....it's like putting salt on a wound....OPEN YOUR EYES people ! People like that DON'T deserve you or your tears, they are worthless....so be happy they are out of your life...

[dontknowwhattodo]

My first ex tried to be friend with me after 6 years of the break up. We kind of saw someone else at that time and talked about it. He said he would get married to the girl he dated some time in the future, so I told him I could be friend with him but please don't invite me to thier wedding. Then he said he never ever thought about inviting me. What the heck? If he thought so, then why bothered to track me down when I left everything behind and moved to another counrty just to be away from him? Did he intentionally hurt me after all? Why bothered to try to contact me and be friend with me when I cut all ties with him during all these years?

[fantasia2004]

to catcxh up and see how you are doing and if you still have feelings for him. measuring up I say trying to measure up to you.