Last conversation before NC?

[giraffeprint]

So I'm now on my 3rd day of NC and its everything I expected but I want to committ to it . One thing I've seen thinking about is how exactly to set the right tone before NC?

 

The last day we spoke I left her apartment that morning leaving a note telling her that I love her and I just need some time for self improvement so she can meet a better me . . I do hope for us to get back together but I'm trying my best to be rational and realistic about the possible outcomes . I thought of just texting her casually then kind of letting go some . I feel like I might have set the wrong tone.

 

Is this suggested ? Or somewhere down the line will it be more appropriate just to text her and kind of put a bug in her ear that I'm doing ok and kind of get a feel of how she's doing?

[michelemybell]

Um, no. No contact is exactly that. No notes telling her you're going no contact, no texts telling her you're doing fine while being in no contact.

You can't successfully do no contact and work on yourself when you are contacting her!

Also, are you trying to use no contact really as a ploy to get back with her? It doesn't work that way. No contact is growing stronger on your own and a way to learn to be on your own outside of an unhealthy relationship.

But if you are using it to get her back, well, the intent is so your girlfriend will miss you through your absence. How can she miss you if you're contacting her? The only way this works is if you stop contacting her completely and wait until she misses you and contacts you. But that guarantees nothing, because in most cases when they contact you they are just setting you up for round two of heartbreak and they don't necessarily want to rekindle the relationship.

[giraffeprint]

Well I know the concept of NC , I've successfully done it before and I did go through the "find myself" process . I just feel like I might have set the wrong tone . I mean I told her not to contact me , when in fact I want her to. I just thought if I texted her casually it will open up communication lines so that I can only talk to her when I want to

[giraffeprint]

I set the tone that I'm just like waiting for her and that's not the impression I wanted to give

[ks1986]

I don't see why people always feel they have to set some "tone" for NC. Just do it and don't set a tone at all...that way you aren't pigeon-holed by the tone or stipulations of NC that you set.