Detachment

[Lily04]

Hey,

 

I'm just wondering about something another poster called 'detachment' -- basically, why do guys do this if they like you? To me it doesn't make any sense. If a guy likes you, he should be friendly with you, not be nice to you one day & distant the next -- is this supposed to be attractive? I'm just wondering b/c I've had guys act like this with me before and I'm not so sure it's a sign of liking someone, but perhaps more that they know you like them & don't want to get involved. I can't think of why they would do this if they like you, because it just seems offputting to me. If anyone knows the answer, please do enlighten me. If it's just one of those flirting games that's supposed to work, it really really dosen't.

[scaryperson]

I think maybe, it's more that they're insecure about themselves, and the way they are acting, rather than a flirting game. That sort of thing seems to me to be when a guy likes a girl alot and can't get their head around it, or when they have mood swings, that could definitely impose itself on this.

[Spirits Away]

How exactly did it happen. Really depends on how much he knows you and how he was acting before and after. i think the previous post is right under certain circumstances, but there are also other reasons. You might want to give a little more detail.

[Lily04]

That's true; it really depends on the circumstances. Looking back I think the reason must be because he has a girlfriend or isn't attracted to me in that way. This makes the most sense to me in any case..basically, we hit it off great in the beginning..we're both on the debate team at my university & got in an intense philosophical debate which afterwards left us both somewhat speechless. I talked with him after the debate & asked him what he was studying (we're both studying politics) and joked around..I was pretty sure there were sparks between us..then the next time I saw him (2 days later) he just basically ignored me and acted very distant (he won by a very close margin, so it's not like he would be upset about that.) Then last week we were both on the government team, and he was friendly and helpful to the team, but he appeared a bit nervous around me, when I was just being cautiously friendly. But now when I see him around campus he sometimes looks at me but then quickly glances away. It's quite awkward..especially if I have to debate against him again. In any case, although I'm attracted to him, I think it's pretty obvious now that he's not interested.although initially I thought there were some signs of interest. But then.. whatever happened to just being friends? If he's not interested that's fine, but there's no need to just ignore me..that's sorta immature. I guess I was just wondering if he might like me, but even if he does that seems irrelevant. Plus, I can't really dismiss his behaviour as just being shy -- most debators are anything but shy.

 

So that's what I think..it sucks, but c'est la vie..

[jurupa]

Some guys are insecure and don't know how to act. Others do it becuase they are shy and are afraid to show their feelings. Being distant for shy guys is usuaully a way to hide. Guys may be distant becuase they are not interested in you as a girl friend.

[asdf]

it's possible that because things didn't go out the way he wanted to the last time he saw you, it didn't go as he'd hoped, so he's kind of recovering/regrouping

[Lily04]

Thanks..actually I was just talking to my friend who was on the debate team last yr as well, and she said that he & his girlfriend used to be great partners then..but due to scheduling conflicts she can't be on the team again this year. (I asked why he doesn't have a partner this yr if he was a regular member..didn't even have to ask straight out if he has a gf. score. in any case..my intuition was right then. He's probably just keeping it safe. In that case I should just back off..I think I might have been flirting with him without really realizing it..a more effective way of telling me to back off would've been to simply mention his gf though instead of ignoring me. Oh well..thx for the comments though.

 

See ya,

 

lily04

[wlfpack81]

Well you always hear about how if a guy hangs around a girl too much it's desperation and is unattractive. So then you have some guys who decide to be distant and play hard to get b/c they don't want to be that clingy/dork/nice guy that girls always complain about. So which ever guy you're talking about could just be trying to walk a fine line b/t playing hard to get and not being that clingy guy that gets shunned for showing his feelings etc.

[Spirits Away]

ic... Well, i wouldn't just assume that he is insecure and not good enough for you right off the bat although it is a possibiltiy. It can also be possible that he's playing a game, but it doesn't sound like it from the details you gave. I think if he's playing a game, he would just treat you bad like you're not worth anything. I would interpret being distant as him not knowing what he should say or react. Most the guys i know doesn't play games, most situations are just miscommunication that girls misinterprets it as game.

 

I think he's either confused about his own feelings or that he's distant because he's uncertain whether to give you hope or not. When i'm faced with someone who is interested in me, I would think twice before making the decision of whether to give them hope or not. (especially in the case where he has a girlfriend already) We don't want to give hope and then not pursue. The whole circumstance would just be a mess and you'll just get hurt in the process.