what is she thinking?

[dancingpig]

I am currently in a really confusing "friendship" with my ex-girlfriend. We were together for 3 and a half years and broke up about 3 months ago. The relationship had really gone down hill for a number of reasons. We talk openly about the relationship and are both very aware of what we would have to do in order to make it work. The confusing thing about all of this is that we still hang out a lot and always have a really great time together. On top of this, I am positive that we both still have very strong feelings for each other, they're just very repressed in our effort to be "friends". I approached her about the situation a couple of weeks ago, and she said that she just wasn't ready for a relationship right now, because of how miserable things were prior to our split. I know that she is aware of the fact that I would like for us to work things out and get back together, but I also know that pressuring her about it is the absolute worst thing to do. Should I create more space between us in an effort to possibly make her realize what she is missing? Or, do you think its possible that our current friendship will naturally evolve into something better than what we had before? I need advice from a different perspective than my own, so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[DealingWithIt]

Hi

 

My advice is to stay friends with her and don't force the issue of getting back together. Why did you guys break up? It may depend on how things ended with you guys thats making her think that if you get back together again that the same thing will happen.

 

I'm in a similar position. My ex called me recently after we officially broke up. I was surprised that he contacted me at all since our relationship ended bad. He said that he'd been thinking about me and wondered what I'm up to. Although he wants me back in his life, I just told him that for now...all I want is friendship and he's cool with that. I let him know that I'm afraid to be close to him again and risk getting hurt.

 

Give her some space and be her friend for now...Who knows what will happen in the future? Good luck!

[cookies]

Well you definitely dont want to create more space between you 2, nor do you want to push forward into another relationship this soon after a breakup, especially since she has mentioned how awful it was before. These are signs that we should pick up on, and work towards...

 

The friendship is really great, considering that many ppl´s relationships are so torn, they dont have this option..or can manage to rebuild a friendship. You have to take it slow and put into consideration everything that went wrong and use this friendship time to try and work on better ways of communicating to avoid reverting to that same old bad relationship. Thats the only way it can and will become renewed, if its meant to be.

 

good luck

 

cookies

[SwingFox]

Hi dancingpig,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us with your questions. I am sorry to hear that things aren't going yet as you have them planned. I understand that you are very confused in your current friendship.

 

The truth is that you can't force anyone into a relationship. I am with cookies a bit, where she comments that you should wait things out and hope on a better future. I would like to add this to that, though: do YOU know what you expect out of a renewed relationship with this young woman and are your thoughts compatible with those of your ex. Apart from that it's just patience that you have to go through. If you get tired, though of waiting, it might be a good idea to move on.

 

I hope that this helped you and wish you lots of strength to make the right decisions for you.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[hazel eyes]

Well, I think it is a great idea to cut her off. Sure call her, and see her but minimize your time w/ her. She will definitely see what she is missing, and start thinking of all your great qualities. It also gives both of you time to think if you are right for each other.

I know for a fact she'll be calling you if you don't call her...she'll start looking for you, she'll yearn it. As women, we can be in a "friendship" without letting it pass the line of a relationship, becuz we are more about companionship. But take that away and we'll soon realize that we need to give you more, and that you do have feelings in this as well. We'll miss you and what you brought to the table, which was a friend and a possible lover for whenever she decides to come around....we love affection and attention...it is true.......take that away and we'll run after it....

 

Just try it(a month or two), if it doesnt work then say you were just really busy w/ work/school/ family...whatever...and things can go back to normal.