Advice for those in need... hang in there.

[brickheart]

That's what I did on OKCupid. It was just too painful to be on there and no that my ex was floating around, too.

[sonicfan287]

Ah, OKC....

 

God that website was utterly useless. I joined it a couple years back during my first breakup, and have been on and off it whenever I have been single. I had re-entered it, looking for some new people to talk to and maybe to set up some dates but it never went anywhere... all the profiles were similar, and all the girls were looking for this meaningful, fun relationship but then when I contacted them, they were like "yeah whatever"

 

I tried to start conversations, I even got some of them to agree to dates, only to ignore me when I asked about it later. If I wanted to feel this kind of rejection, I'd just do it in real life, where I dont have to wait 2 days for a response. So, I took mine out for now as well. There's just no point, and Im sick of putting in all the effort and getting nothing for it

[brickheart]

Yeah... I've used OKC for years, most recently to find my ex, and look how that ended. Other than him, I had no success on the website... it was discouraging.

[Taven]

Dating sites are the work of the devil. I've found the majority of my ex's on them so never again! Not saying everyone is bad on there (we're amazing right?) but perhaps meeting online affects something at the start?

 

I guess it's best to get to know a person before getting romantically involved, to see if you're compatible (before it's too late and you've fallen in love)

[brickheart]

I definitely think there would be an advantage to being friends first... which is the problem with dating websites. The expectation is set in place - you're dating right away. I had instant chemistry with my ex when we met up, and it may have spiraled from there given that we didn't have a solid foundation first. I don't know... trying not to overthink it.

[sonicfan287]

Thats always a question to ponder, the friends first / relationship later.

 

As far as Ive known in my life though, for the most part, it doesn't happen. It usually only happens if youre friends with someone from childhood or teenage years and youve known them for a long time and for whatever reason, you both desire closeness and feelings develop. For the most part, if you meet someone in your adult years with the intention of being friends, you usually stay friends, or you meet them with the intention of dating them. Again, hard to say, but thats usually what happens.

 

I met my current ex in 2009 by chatting online with her. She was a friend of a friend and we just talked for a long time and I wanted to get to know her better and she wanted to get to know me better... so we did. The thing is, we knew the intention was to start dating, there was no secret about it. We weren't going to just hang out as buddies. So, next thing we knew, we started dating. Did we rush into it? Maybe. But then I wonder, if we HAD just met as friends, we probably wouldve stayed friends, so I dont regret it.

 

Now my first ex WAS an example of a friend first. She was one of my best friends in HS from sophomore year til the end, and in senior year, we started dating. Unfortunately, this turned out disastrously and now we barely talk. Because of this, Im probably not going to date any of my other female friends unless something REALLY extraordinary happens. But everyone's different

[MissieP]

Excellent post you have to hang in there and keep paddling and riding those waves and yes you might even hit some bumps along the way and that's okay! I like to throw some things I have learned through my learning and some mistakes I have made ( I am not perfect) but..... If at any point through your healing on anywhere along the NC you decide to break or at any point your ex decides to break it do not break it. I have broken it many,many times thought my ex was caring ( nope ) he just " wanted" a ego stroke and didn't care about me or my family he just wanted to breeze in and out of my life whenever he wanted to and because I was still in that healing mode and very,very vulnerable there I was texting him back saying Markus I am doing great the family is great thanks for being so caring and poof he would be gone again and through my learning I realized he never cared about my life he wanted to keep checking in on me to see how I was in case things didn't work out with his girl he had me as a option seriously why would an ex keep breezing in and out of my life every couple of months asking how my life is just as I moving on.... So my advice is stay in NC and stay,stay,stay away from breadcrumbs and the ego strokes and yes my ex has reached out through e-mails and asked how the family is and asked how I am and asked if I have a boyfriend but this time I ignore,ignore because he doesn't care he just wants a ego stroke so please those in healing hang in there and stay away from breadcrumbs!

 

I have had lots of exes and none of them ever,ever asked how my family or more importantly asked how I was doing they simply moved on but those who want ego strokes or breadcrumbs they know how to push buttons