Falling in love with a friend

[VeganBohemian]

Hey all. I am really looking for advice here relating to falling in love with a friend. I am going to try to analyze the situation for you all in great detail, so this may be quite long...but, if you have some time to kill, please, oh, please respond!

 

I began working at the A&P in my town about a year or so ago. I met this guy there who I happened to have break with on occasion. He was chubby (around 225 or more lbs), average height, wore glasses but did not look like a "dork". He was often very happy and would walk around with small smile all of the time. Even though his job was pretty miniscule, he really loved it. He stocked shelves and such. He was cute with a pretty decent sense of humor. He could range from sarcasm to affectionate to whatever else. He didn't work in my department though, so I didn't really see him all that often. Well, we became sort of friend-ish after a while. For instance, he asked me what my screen name was and such. Well, that is where the semi-friendship begins. I talked to him more often after that...we learned what each others interests were...well, I learned about his interests, he didn't really learn anything about me nor do I think he really wanted to. Basically, at work it was a two-way friendship...but, outside of work, I was always the one to IM him, not vice versa. Sometimes he would IM me though and call me "cutie" or "buttercup". But, he didn't do that all too much. Once in a while he would talk to me online, but he explained that he "didn't really like typing and would rather talk". Well, we never got each others numbers and still do not have them. But, anyway, so we started becoming better friends. He invited me over his house and I went...which proved to be a disaster, at least according to me because I was aiming for him to like me in a romantic way. The problem with this guy is that he is so into his own activities...he is a trekkie, he plays video games CONSTANTLY and when I say constantly, I mean constantly. He likes shooting games which do not interest me in the least. He is a devout conservative...I am a liberal thinker. He has a romantic aspect to his personality though...he likes Eric Clapton and can play guitar. He is sweet and caring in ways that I cannot describe. But, I just don't know how attentive a boyfriend he would be. Perhaps with all of his busy-ness concerning his interests, maybe he just does not have time for me right now.

 

You can see how we have many differences...but, we get along great and laugh a lot. We have had pretty good talks about all kinds of things.

 

Well, once we got to the "friend" stage, I started to not feel like that was enough. I began to develop a huge crush on him. He was nice and made me feel good. I ended up giving him my N64...which totally shocked him and he thanked me perfusely. I gave him my dad's old William Shatner Star Trek book which he also loved. I started to make it so I worked when he did and tried me hardest to have break with him. And I saw that he also was starting to be around me more often. For instance, one day I came into work and he knew I was working, so instead of just punching in and going to work, he came into the break room to talk to me beforehand.

 

He sends me mixed messages. He went through a period where he called me "cutie" all of the time (he doesn't really do that anymore), and talked to me a lot. So, I began thinking "wow, maybe I have a shot with this guy after all". But, the thing is, once a guy I have feelings for begins to show a slight interest in me, I start to act funny. I cannot even describe it...I get a new voice, an awkward one that shouts stupidity. I start acting weaker, like I need someone to show me how to do things. And this always end up making the person lose all interest in me.

 

But, last weekend, I was talking to him after I was away from work for three weeks and he happened to mention to me that there "isn't a lot of people I like and you're one of them". Then, I gave him a hug which he reciprocated. That night, after I was done with work, I walked aroung with him while he did his last half hour of work and we talked about various topics and so forth. It was nice.

 

I think about him all the time...I drive home from college every weekend just with the hopes that we have the same hours. I love when he smiles at me...I dream about us being together and it feels so right.

 

But, there is always a but and a what if of course.

Here are the major problems in my consideration of telling him how I feel about him:

 

1 - Our differing political and world views

2 - The fact that I have no clue as to whether he likes me even in the slightest bit

3 - We do not have that many similar interests

4 - He is kind of sexist in my opinion

5 - He is a homophobe (not that bad though...hes cool)

6 - He has never had a girlfriend

7 - I don't know my own feelings enough yet

8 - Scared of shocking him

9 - Don't want to ruin the friendship

 

Here are the things that make me want to tell him:

 

1 - I love...LOVE being with him

2 - He always makes me smile

3 - He is sweet and chubby and oh so cute

4 - I know he's a genuinely caring, nice person

5 - We are already friends who care about each other

6 - He just makes me happy

7 - I can picture us being a happy couple

8 - I cannot stop thinking about him

 

What do I do guys...do

[Alabama]

I would tell him your feelings for him. You may not have the same interests, but opposites attract right? He maybe busy, but if your someone he likes and he doesn't neccesarily like people often, it seems he likes you definetly as a friend, and possibly more. I would tell him in the most sincere way. Good luck with whatever you decide!

[Ph3n0m3n0n]

I know what you mean dudette, Im in the same situation, it got SO MUCH better, unbeleivably better last night, then... tonight..... *bleep*house again

 

I dont know what to do either, I would LOVE to help you, so atm, im just sending my condonences

[fish]

I am that guy....almost

 

 

This guy is clearly into you yet he doesn't want to come off as a obsessive guy. So he won't IM you all the time and such. Also that he is chubby and never had a "girlfriend" could mean he's insecure (god knows i am) and he doesn't want to ruin the friendship by involving the romantic stuff

 

I think you should tell him how you feel, and my guess that there are 85% chances that he's into you and even if he's not most guys won't stop beeing friends if you tell him how you feel

 

 

So far you've taken most the steps, and i'm afraid you're gonna have to do the rest as well

 

You're basically in charge of the whole process because i do believe he is into you

 

My advice is

 

Just tell him how you feel, in a short way...nothing heavy duty, a kiss on the cheek can easily turn into something more (see my "was i used as a rebound guy" thread...plz reply ) and just give clear non-innuendo signs that you like him

 

 

My two cents

[fish]

He probaby thinks he's out of your league ( His self esteem is probably not the highest and that is an issue you might have to deal with)

 

 

 

By your descritions he is most likely

 

A good person

Fairly bright

Might have some sexual and self esteem insecurities

A bit of a nerd ...not saying it's bad

A gadget freak....might be interesting topic for you to discuss

 

Well, at least whatever you do...or dont do...please give me an update...because this is a topic i'd like to keep my eye on

 

Thanks

[VeganBohemian]

Thanks for all the replies!

 

Some things to clear up here though:

 

I have tried to talk to him about "gadgets" and stuff, but he doesn't seem to think I know enough about it

 

Also, I know for a fact that he USED to like me in the romantic way (I forgot to add that), but now he is acting fairly distant. I think I did something wrong.

 

But, then again, he still gives me some signs that he likes me. I am so confused! And yes, I realize he has insecurities, but it's okay because so do I!

[VeganBohemian]

Oh, I forgot to mention that I have decided to definitely tell him how I feel, but the matter is when. I am thinking in the next couple of weeks. I'll let everyone know how it goes (or if it ends up NOT going hehe), and please, if anyone else has any suggestions please reply! Wish me luck!

[surething]

i agree that you should tell him how you feel. Its obvious that you really like him and really want to be with him, so i don't think you should hide that anymore if it means so much to you. I know what its like to really want to be with someone and its really hard sometimes. Maybe he's known girls who just want to be friends and perhaps he thinks you're the same and you're just being nice to him. I know this is common advice around here, but if you don't tell him, you'll end up regreting it in the end. I went through a similar thing, only you have it easier because you're the girl! If he "used" to like you, he probably still does. So don't worry too much and good luck!

[VeganBohemian]

Omg...me and him had the best time at work tonight! He wasn't distant at all. I need to tell him how I feel. Friday most def! Ahhhh, I am so nervous, but also excited at the fact that this time next week we could be a couple!

[VeganBohemian]

UPDATE:

 

We went out for 4 months and broke up last night. He says he's not ready for a relationship, but he wants to remain good friends. He said that maybe we can get back together during the summer when he's not so busy. I wasn't all that happy with our relationship either, however I am severely depressed about this. I feel like I've lost something special and it's all my fault.

[VeganBohemian]

This guy is a * * * *ing * * * * * * * and I have been in an awesome relationship now for 4 months and I am happy as Hell and he can go suck it.

[CluelessGuy321]

wow. lol. xD

[VeganBohemian]

He can go f*ck his gas gauge since he loves his Mustang so much and when I was drunk, I told him this. My current boyfriend wants to marry me in the future and tells me all the time that he loves me.