Lost the will to live

[Kalash]

As from a young age my life has been cruel to me ok some parts were my fault but the only reason i did them is cos of being bullied i was weak to say NO, i have been an alcholic, I have had my eldest son taken away from me, i have had 2 totaly failed relationships each time my daughters staying with there mothers, been in hospital loads of time through depression i have taken overdoses before but never again this time its going to be a totaly differant way of dieing 1,inject a vast amount of air into my vains ok proberly going to be painfully but it cant be as PAINFULL AS MY LIFE HAS BEEN or slicing my wrist downwards cutting all of my main vains, or there is one other way and thats by eating poisones plant bulbs or their stems and leaves,Ok you may say then why am i writeing this why dont i just do it, i first need to go through the dieing prgram and that is asking for foregiveness for what im about to do and then go from the clensing and once iam clensed its goodbye cruel world hello to afterlife.

 

 

Life Is A Prison

 

Life is a prison,

Oh God let me out.

No one to listen,

To hear when you shout.

 

Climb the walls of insanity,

Ride the waves of despair.

If you fall it don't matter,

There's no one to care.

 

Used to wish for a window,

To see birds, trees and sky,

But you're better without one -

Stops you aiming too high.

 

Watching freedom is painful,

For those locked away.

Seeing joy, love and happiness,

Another price that you pay.

 

Strong is good, weak is bad.

Be it false, be it true.

Your mind makes the choice,

And enforces it too.

 

Cell walls built by society,

With rules to adhere.

If you breach the acceptable,

You had better beware.

 

Hide the pain, carry on,

Routine is the key.

Don't let on that you're not,

What you're pretending to be.

 

Lock it all up inside you,

How badly that bodes.

Look out for that one day,

When it all just explodes.

 

Leaving naught but a shell,

Base functionality too.

But killing all else,

That was uniquely you.

 

So how do you grow,

With a timebomb inside?

Or how to defuse it,

Without destroying its ride?

 

You can't.

[SteveNaive]

*speechless*

 

kalash... I really don't know what I should say to your post. When I was reading it I had a million things running through my head on what I could write...but all of a sudden everything seems to sound so profane...

 

You have taken some hard blows by life and if I was in your position I quite possibly would just feel the same as you do. However, I want to believe that life has more to offer than just pain, even for you. You had hard times, and you had to take a lot, with your son dying and your relationships breaking. But please do not give yourself up. Life holds more than pain...for all of us...for sure...

 

i hope...

[fmfisdead]

Hey man, no one is here to doubt if you will or will not do it, and I guess at this point it seems ludacris to even try to talk you out of anything. I just hope you don't follow through with anything. I've actually had a number of friends of mine actually do it, and a bunch of them always tell me they want to die. I'm not sure even what to really say to you, but I just figured anything was better than nothing, if you need anything feel free to pm me anytime, just to talk or something. take care.

[Kalash]

Well thanks to you both whom replied, but if you had only been in my shoes for the past 33yrs then you could proberly understand what i`ve been through, i dont mean to be harsh but sorry to everyone whom has tried and accually done it but i have weighed up my life or so called life but i just cant take it no more, if it a test we live then i have failed like i always do look i dont have much time left now so thanks again........................................................................................................................................................

[i_hate_the_world47]

Wow Um..for one i think you should definitely reconsider.Have you ever thought of maybe seeing a therapist or a counselor?It may be a good idea.That way you can talk out all of your feelings.I hope you make it through this... ALIVE

 

If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me.

 

~Meagan~

[Kalash]

been there done that even been in hospital i still feel this way they cant help me no-pne can

[mahlina]

Kalash,

 

That was a deep poem. Thank you for sharing with us. I'm sorry to hear about your pain. Life just doesn't seem to get any better, does it? Well, in some ways, it can. Pain's a part of life. Sometimes, we just have to accept the past for what it is, and grow stronger from it.

 

I don't know if this might help you, but this is how I've always coped with my pain. Even as a kid, it's what I always tell myself. So maybe these lines will help you as well:

 

"If you smile to the world, the world smiles back at you."

"If you put on a happy face, you convince yourself that you are happy."

"Once you realize your own strengths, nothing can or will stand in your way."

"It's only up to us to create and accomplish our own personal endeavors."

 

You are defintely not alone on this. Hope this helps. Hang in there.

Mahlina

[lunatic]

Kalash,

 

Listen you need to go and talk to someone who is a specialist. Just because one person could not help you does not mean that no one can. Do you realize that the only person who can help you right now it YOU? You need to reach out to get some help like you did here. I have to admit that your situation sounds a little bit like mine but, I was able to stop myself from going through it. I always thought I was a loser and would never ammount to anything at all. I was totally depressed and out of my mind emotionally too.

 

I cannot stress this enough " GET SOME HELP!"

 

Please talk to someone NOW!!!

 

Hubman 8)