Tired of being called "predictable"

[sonicfan287]

Hey all,

 

I don't know if this applies to a lot of you or maybe none of you, or if this is even the right board for this, but one thing I hear being thrown around as a consistent criticism of myself, by friends and from my ex is that I am/have been "too predictable". Its true. Im 23, I don't party, I don't drink, I dont have "hook-ups", I dont do anything that would be considered "spontaneous" and I know that's part of attraction and everything but thats just who I am. I consider myself "reliable". I have certain schedules, routines and after a while, my ex knew where I'd be, when I'd be there, when I'd want to see her and yes I understand that it led to things getting "stale" (among other issues that quite frankly, Ive already spent TOO long talking about).

 

However, I was spontaneous at times, in my relationship and the fact that I am so "predictable" actually made it more spontaneous when I'd surprise her, take her on a date somewhere she didn't expect, try something new in the bedroom etc. I suppose the reason I get mad is because in my friends/ex's lifestyle it seems like being unpredictable entails doing something with a high risk or something out of the realm of "normal" just to say you did it, for example taking a long road trip to another state to go to some wild party or something of that nature. I don't think my ex does this but she wanted more "adventure" "excitement" and I think she got it. The guy she's with now is a lot different than me. I don't know him obviously so maybe I cant say that but everything about him oozes confidence, maybe even arrogance. He's "built", older (so maybe more mature) and works a much more physical job (warehouse worker) so he's probably more equipped to handle life's challenges than I was.

 

Another thing that just frustrates me though is that a good friend of mine (whos a girl) has a great boyfriend. I took a while to warm up to him because she falls for the "wrong" type of guys but this guy is a really genuine caring guy who always checks in on her, sees how she's doing and helps her with everything. She complains about this though, and says hes too "predictable" and she wants ME to talk to him (since we're friends) and tell him to stop being predictable. This kinda offends me, both because I'm predictable and because Ive dated unpredictable girls and its NOT fun. Unpredictable as in, they love you one day and then cheat on you... is this really what makes relationships exciting? Not knowing what your significant other is going to do from one day to the next? It just annoys me... I consider myself reliable and I do have a lot of other flaws though but I dont think thats one of them.

 

Idk, Im just venting... Im tired of being looked at as too "predictable". I am who I am, and I do need to change some flaws which Im working on but being 'reliable' isnt one of them. Doesnt mean I wont try new things once in a while, but Im not going to do it just to "surprise" people and make them "wonder" about me. Anyone else feel this way?

[Tom1990]

Three words, my friend: Good for you.

 

Own up to who you are , embrace it, and screw all the haters who say you're too "anything." I was once told I was too sensitive. Naturally being sensitive, it hurt my feelings, like I did something wrong. Now I just respond "I wouldn't seem so sensitive if you weren't such a ***** all the time."

[Fraggle]

Yep I agree w Tom,

 

I'm not too dissimilar in personality

 

Don't worry what others think, you just do what you want to do my friend and be who you want to be- does that make you "predictable", no it makes you you!

 

 

[duke nukem]

Hey I don't drink, party or hook up either. And if the person I'm with can't respect that then that's her problem. Like it or leave it.

[Divine010]

That just sound ridicoulous to me, these people sound mentally unstable. Who the hell wants someone in their life that you never count on. Who's always unpredictable. Mind you there is a difference between spontaneous and just purposely unpredictable. Sounds like a lot of thought going into this. I like a more stable and reliable person in my life and that I can appreicate because alot of people are fickle and wishy washy and that's cool and attractive -- I don't think so!

[One day]

Hi Tom,

 

Never feel like you have to justify yourself or prove yourself, keep on just being you. Don't worry about been predictable/reliable it's not a crime, more of an asset. No relationship can last the length being unpredictable and crazy.

 

Spontaneity yes that can add to a relationship it's just getting the balance right I guess.

[camus154]

I notice when these types of threads arise, people seem to speak in absolutes and extremes.

 

You can certainly change yourself insofar as being more spontaneous and fun without resorting to irresponsible, wild behavior. There's no cosmic law that states reliability necessarily equals predictability, at least in absolutely every aspect of your life.

 

I don't see this as having anything to do with "who" you are. You're a person who can adapt and try different things to see if you get different results. Try not to let your ego and sense of self hang in the balance of a few personality traits.

[GreenCupcake]

This thread gives me hope, despite it's purpose lol. I'm also one of those laid back people who prefers stability (or should I say consistency) over spontaneity also. Sure, everyone likes it once in a while but people who need it all the time thrive on the drama.

 

When I was with my ex, the fact that I was constantly confused and didn't understand him upset me. He was too spontaneous. Soon as I thought things were settled down, I'd find out something else and the cycle would begin all over again. Although I have insecurities here and there, I know who I am in general and I am not influenced easily. But I guess that someone who is too unstable can't handle being around someone like me. And that's ok, because I can't handle being around someone like that either. It brings out my really bad side lol. I don't like bad surprises. If you tell me that you're mature, responsible, and have good morals and then I find out that it's not true, then it will upset me. Ok, I'm just rambling now.

 

Be happy that you are the way you are sonic! There are a lot of people out there like you.

[FreeFallFeelin]

The truth is that day to day life is pretty darn predictable. Most of us work hard to make it that way! Like you said OP, it's about being reliable. That said, I do believe it's good to always try new things, for your own benefit.

 

My ex once said that she "didn't want to come home from work every night, work out, have dinner, watch a movie, and go to bed". So I asked her "What else would you like to do, and where are we going to find the time to do it?" She couldn't answer either of those questions. It felt like little girl stamping her feet and saying "I"m bored". I get bored too, but I also have to work, cook, clean, stay fit, and sleep!

[sonicfan287]

Lol thanks guys. I mean, I do continue to be myself and I have no plans to change "being predictable". I just wish people would lay off about it because I take comments to heart like when some of my friends say Im so young and Im not "living" because I dont just go out to bars and talk to a ton of women with no intention of talking to them the next day. They say this is "the time" to do this and that Ive already settled into a "Stable" lifestyle where I do the same thing almost every day. I do prefer some excitement, but Im also very conscious of what people think of me and hate being labeled the "predictable" one. I feel like it makes me unattractive to others who dont know me, if this trait is easily recognized by them and I feel like any relationship I'm in, I'm going to be trying too hard to impress them.

 

And its not so much that my friends want someone they cant count on, they just like the "Challenge" apparently, of feeling like they cant "just have the guy" anytime they want him, thats what a lot of my female friends say. They say its more "Exciting" when the guy isnt always right there when they need him. I only mention that this involves infidelity because often times it has... at least for me. 9 out of 10 times in the past, when I cant get in touch with my girlfriend often, its because shes been with someone else and made something up about it. So Im a bit jaded to the "unpredictable" aspect of things, I guess. It doesnt have to be a bad thing, always.