Update on my breakup and ensuing NC...

[lost_puppy]

Here's my original thread, if you want to know the details of my breakup and aftermath... link removed

 

(Quick summary: we were together for 2.5 years, she suddenly decided I'm not right for her, dumped me about 3 weeks ago, and immediately moved all her stuff out. She's tried to call/text me since then, but I've been trying to keep NC.)

 

So I decided to leave her a little note saying that we shouldn't contact each other for a while because that's the best way for me to heal. She lives in my building, so I just walked down there and taped it to her door. This was last Friday night (the 24th). The next day I had a gig in DC, so I was out of town till Sunday night. When I came back home and walked by her door, the note was still there. In fact, it was still there last night (Monday) and only this morning when I was walking out of the building was the note gone. Of course, my mind came up with all the unpalatable reasons why she wasn't at home all weekend .... won't bother repeating them here .... bottom line is, it's gonna be tough since we're in the same building. I really need to stick to NC, but I keep thinking about her, what she's doing, and every day I pass her door! Yeah, I can take the other stairwell, but every time I pass the 2nd floor I'll think about her.

[light bulb]

That totally sucks having her in the same building.

 

To keep your mind from wandering, pretend that she just went to visit family or something.

 

Definitely keep NC so you don't even have to worry about situations like this in the future (or slide your notes under the door lol).

 

Good luck bro!

[JohnnyTable]

Can you move?

 

Not only because she is in your building. I think that moving helps give a fresh start on life in general.

[lost_puppy]

Can you move?

Well, that's a good idea, but I'd really prefer not to. I own the apartment and I want to hold onto it for as long as possible since prices are going up steadily. If it gets too difficult ... well, I'll deal with it then. Thanks for the advice, though!

 

LP

[vetgirl]

You own an apartment in NYC and you're single? Don't worry, you will be snatched up very quickly by another, more appreciative girl than your ex. I can think of half a dozen very nice women who would date you on those two principles alone! Just keep your eyes open!!!! Trust me!

[lost_puppy]

I can think of half a dozen very nice women who would date you on those two principles alone!

Thanks for your encouragement! I'd ask you for their numbers, but based on what I've heard on this board about rebound relationships (and given my tendency to mourn for a long time) I think I'll take it slooow for a while...

 

 

[vetgirl]

Thats ok! By taking time to heal and make yourself a better person, you will be in such a better position to deal with your subsequent relationships. I truly believe that. If you rush into things, well that's when you never take the time to look at what went wrong and fix it. The entire breakup thing is awful and the healing process is slow and tiresome, but it DOES get better. I'm living proof. I never thought I would be able to say these things, and read other people who wrote about it and thought, that will never be me. but it will happen, and you will be able to think about other women and starting something new and better with them someday. I wouldn't suggest getting into something until you are 'ready' and though that's non-specific, you'll know when you are.

 

I'll be moving back to NYC this May and am looking forward to the single men I'll be able to meet and date there. Good to know you guys are out there!

[lioness726]

I agree with the NC thing. I have been so tempted to write an e-mail saying all the things I have wanted to get out (not to get them back, just stuff I want them to know) but I haven't written anything. It is extrememly obvious that my ex is fullon practicing the NC thing because he has IM'd a friend of mine just to tell her to tell me something.

I also have a profile on something called link removed (it's kind of like link removed) and he also had a profile. The sad thing was that he was one of my friends in my friends list. So, I erased him from my friends list.

Later, I heard from a friend that as he was talking to them, he found out that I had taken him off my friends list and he said, "Well, looks like she has removed herself from my friend's list. How about that."

I'm not sure how he felt about that (especially since he was the one who dumped me) but everyone told me it was the right thing to do.

But 2 and a half weeks later and I'm still hurting like hell. (Mostly because of the loneliness and lack of him in my daily and nightly routine).

But NC does help. Plus, what if you found out they were seeing, dating, or just having sex with other people. In this case, the saying holds true: "Ignorance is bliss."

And lost_puppy, take your time with dating. I feel as if I am in the same boat with you on that aspect. You're not alone.

[JohnnyTable]

Honestly, I think that knowing that they are seeing and sleeping with other people forces one to move on quicker. It did with me at least.

[lost_puppy]

Honestly, I think that knowing that they are seeing and sleeping with other people forces one to move on quicker. It did with me at least.

I think people are different in the respect. I've seen a lot of people on this forum say that finding out their ex has moved on has just destroyed them. I'm definitely in that crowd; I know because I found out about my last ex's new bf and I was pretty much incoherent for the next month. So I'm with lioness. But more power to you if you can deal with that information, and if it helps you move on and heal quicker, then I say do whatever it takes to heal.

 

Thanks for all the advice.

[crisisback]

The whole NC thing has been working for me. Today is the first day of class and i'm probably going to see her today, ehhhh, it sucks. I had a dream about her and her new boytoy today. It woke me up early and i couldn't get back to sleep. I have myspace too, and i still have her on my list. I deleted her from pretty much everything else, AIM etc. It burns me to read her profile and see that she says she's having the best time of her life and all this other stuff. I'm thinking about removing her, but i don't want it to seem that i'm thinking too much about the whole breakup. Finding out that she was dating another guy 2 days or 1 day after we broke up devastated me for the night and next few days. In the long run, it really helped me get angry and realize what she wasn't. How i didn't deserve to be treated like this, and how two years really didn't mean she had to respect me anymore. So, yeah, i hope seeing her doesn't screw up the healing process... it must be hard to try to avoid her in your apartment everyday, don't move... it is your apartment and she can't take away anymore of your life that she already has...

[lost_puppy]

... it is your apartment and she can't take away anymore of your life that she already has...

Haha, I like that

 

Yeah it sucks to find out about your ex moving on. Although even without any concrete facts, imaginations can run wild, especially when all you do is think about her/him

 

Another person on this forum said something like (and I'm seriously paraphrasing), everyone moves on and heals in their own time. Just because your ex is able to move on quicker than you doesn't mean anything. Take your time and heal, and eventually all will be well and you'll be ready to move on too. It might have been in the same post that it was discussed how the dumper usually moves on faster because they've been thinking about the breakup and preparing themselves mentally and emotionally for months...

 

But I digress. I had a dream last night where I called my ex, and left a message, but immediately regretted breaking NC. I hope that doesn't happen to me in real life. I miss her horribly, but I know I must stick to NC and I know that I will eventually heal.

 

Thanks again to everyone on this board. You guys make life a little more bearable