advice if you would be so kind!

[zb]

Ok as some of you know I have been having troubles with my fiancee. Well she and I talked, and I asked her if she needed space, she said she did and that alot of it has to do with her family nagging her about her major in college. I still don't see how putting me on the back burner is ok even if that is the case I wish she had talked to me about it and I did try to communicate with her on many occasion.

 

Ok.... the girl that I am some what smitten with is going to be at a party I am going to be at tonight. Actually she is coming to my room. How do I know if she is interested in me or not. I mean I hardly know her, but I have been interested in her since the first day I saw her. If I was not engaged I would have got to know her along time ago. I feel guilty having friends that are girls but I also know that if I do indeed get dumped I would like to have some idea of who I could have something with next. I have much love that has had to be bottled up inside this last year, it has had no where to go.

 

I have been living as if I am single, what I mean by that is lonely in my room with nothing ever to do but wait for a phone call, I have been asked by over 7 people if me and my fiancee broke up. Should I try to throw hints to this other girl that I am interested just to see what happens? If anything I would really like to be her friend because she is very interesting. I do not have much exp. with hitting on girls.... I know many of my friends do things like offer a shoulder massage or they just do it without asking. I mean is the very fact that this girl who hardly knows me is coming to my room a sign that she might be interested? And don't worry I am not going to take advantage or anything like that if she is drunk. I know many college guys do that, I am not like that.

[Sexygurl6969]

Well fist of all, I think you should definetly send hints to that girl and also she is definetly sending you hints that she is interested. Give it a chance, I mean what if you and your fiancée never get married? Its always good to know that you have someone else. Altough, if you and your fiancée do get back together, break it to this other girl in a easy way...then that way you guys can still be friends so you will win either way. Also, if you do like this other girl better than ur fiancée go for her instead. Its all up to you!

 

Bye!

hope this helped and that you will figure out a solution soon!

 

p.s If you ever want any more questions or help pm me!

[SwingFox]

Hello Balhatain,

 

Thank you so much for your update of your situation. I am pleased to hear that you are trying to have fun while you wait for your fiancee to reach a decision.

 

I want you to know, though, that what you're trying to do looks a little risky. What if your fiancee will find out? If she hears about you having been with a girl in your room, how would that reflect on her? What if this girl you that is coming to your room finds out that you're engaged? Does she know? If not, it might be a good idea to tell her. Your actions have some implications and this will make or break your reputation and integrity. I am not saying that this is the case, but have you considered that if you have to break it off with this girl that comes to your room, might feel used or might feel like having been a 'backup-plan'?

 

I wish for you wishdom to make the right decisions for you. I understand that your fiancee is giving you a hard time. She might even not get back with you at all. That's why I perfectly understand you. I live by the rule that the only obligation YOU have in life is the obligation for YOU to be happy. If YOU are not happy, YOU cannot make someone else happy.

 

Good luck!! I hope you will find your way.....

 

~ SwingFox ~

[zb]

Well I spent the night with the girl and two of her friends...we drank and had fun. ... after they left I kind of let her know how I feel........she does know that I have a fiancee... and she does have a somewhat long distance boyfriend... I told her how I have been interested in her for a while and that I think we connect and she agreed...... she said she would come over to do something Saturday. She said I should wait and see how this summer goes or at least these next few weeks and not stress over it until finals are over. I don't know what to do, my fiancee has neglected me so bad... what if I could have something really special with this girl.........we think alot the same.................but she also lives in a suburb of Chicago and I am just from a small town near the college......I don't know if I am the bad guy or not, I wait for a phone call that never happens........I always have to be the one that instigates things with my fiancee..... I should not have to do all the work... it drains me................I am not happy at all but I don't know how to tell my family that I broke the engagment and I don't know if they will like it if they hear that I am with a new girl.........the way I see it my fiancee and I were dead over a year ago...........she seems to not have as much in common with me anymore.

[SwingFox]

Balhatain,

 

I would suggest to you now to relax. You have found a wonderful new friend for now. You wrote: "She said I should wait and see how this summer goes or at least these next few weeks and not stress over things, until finals are over". Do you realize what that means? That she understands your situation perfectly! She is coming over next Saturday to do something with you, which means she is going to hang around and be your friend for now.

 

Take your time to think. There is no need to rush things. Keep in mind what I have said before about being happy. The least worry is what your family thinks. They are not an issue, since this is YOUR life. You are trying your best to make things work for you and you have to find your own way in that.

 

I hope that this helped you and I wish you strength and wishdom for making the right decisions.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[zb]

Actually she is coming over today....or tonight. I am going to get some movies. I might ask her a few questions as well like if she even wants a long term relationship if we were able to see each other. I told her last night that I realize tht she plans to not stay at this college and town after next year but she said that "you never know I could change my mine, get attached to living here". Now is that a strong sign that she is interested in me? Also remember that this is one of those anti-social types with the to hell with them all attitude.......I am kind of like that myself.......and we have the same since of humor. There was a few times last night when the same words came out of our mouth.... heh. I actually had fun last night instead of feeling alone.