Helping a guy get over a bad relationship...and getting him to fall for you

[victorianrose]

I dont know if this is the best forum to post this topic in, but here it goes. A guy friend and I were talking about the past, and I said that I used to have a crush on him. He also told me that he had a crush on me. I told him that honestly, I still liked him, but I know he has a girlfriend and I dont want that to ruin our friendship. He said he is single now, but he seems like he hasnt gotten over the previous relationship, as it ended because she left him for his friend. He said he is going to beat his friend of 4 years up, but he is not really mad at his ex-girlfriend. Is there a way I can advise him or help him? Should I just let time take its course? I want to be there for him. I am out of a relationship too, but I have worked out my feelings about it.

Also, I feel confused. He calls me hun and has initiated conversations on Facebook with me, but then he only replies to me with lol or kk usually. He uses a phone to communicate through Facebook so I don´t know whether I should feel he is just bored and to leave him alone or that it is just more difficult for him to reply that way?

[Ms Darcy]

He knows how you feel aout him. If and when he wants some thing real with you, he'll let you know. But for now, just be distantly supportive. Don't let him use you to get over her.

[ToF]

He's bored, you give him attention, and you provide an emotional crutch.

 

If your goal is to date this guy, I would not go about it this way. Try to be a distant friend.

[victorianrose]

How would you go about it then? And thank you Ms. Darcy, I think I will be supportive at a distance.

[LDRohnos]

Is there a way I can advise him or help him?

 

Short answer, no. Don't even try. If he just left a relationship he's going to need time, alone. Be his friend of course, but don't push anything on him beyond just being there if he needs you to be there. Remember, usually the person's shoulder someone cries on after a breakup ISN'T the person they're going to be in a relationship with..maybe a rebound relationship but not a healthy one.

 

If your intention is to eventually have a relationship with him, just be patient and accept that he's not on the market right now. Don't try to get this guy to fall for you while he's recovering from a relationship. That's my advice.

[Ms Darcy]

Don't initiate contact with him. If he talks to you, keep it brief. Certainly no physical intimacy.

 

And date other guys! You may find someone better.

 

Anyway, you don't want someone not over his ex.

[ToF]

Be a distant friend to him, and date other people as they come along. Don't cut him off completely, but don't pass up other opportunities while you're waiting to see what happens with him.

 

Making yourself too available will only count against you, if you eventually want to date him.

[victorianrose]

Thanks a lot everyone I will try that and see what happens.

[bulletproof]

He said he is going to beat his friend of 4 years up, but he is not really mad at his ex-girlfriend.

 

How old are you both? Do you really want to be with a guy that says he's going to beat his friend up, but he's not mad at the girl who left him for his friend?

 

He sounds kind of immature.

[victorianrose]

maybe, but then again im not looking for a long term, serious relationship anyways. and i am from kentucky, so its not really an uncommon thing for that kind of thing to happen, even though we are both 18 almost 19. honestly i think he is in denial about the relationship, and the girl sounds like she is dragging him along by saying, ¨its ok i wanna still be your friend and will be there for you whenever you need me¨instead of just giving him time to recover from the betrayal, so it is harder for him to get over her.