After enough NC - Hope of them calling seems to fade...

[JohnnyTable]

My relationship has been over for about 2.5 months. I have not spoken to my ex for 6 weeks (although I called her 3 weeks ago to let her know that I was back in town, by her request, but she never called me back).

 

I think that she has a bf or is at least seeing somebody.

 

As time goes on, and I move forward, I start to realize that the ex calling seems very unlikely. I don't have a reason to call her, why would she call me? When my ex started going out with me, I don't remember her calling any of her ex boyfriends!

 

So I guess I don't understand it when people say that the ex almost always calls but it can take 2-6 months. It seems like after that amount of time, they would feel weird or bad about calling. I have no experience in this, so I'm looking for opinions...

[idontgetit]

ditto that... JT. i'm on the same schedule exactly. supposedely they call but i'm still waiting.

[Princess777]

Greetings.

 

I wouldn't say that they ALWAYS call, I'm not sure where you heard that... I think it depends upon a lot of things: how long you were a serious couple, your ages, the circumstances of the breakup, and the geographical locations of both of you.

 

If a couple was on the verge of marriage or already married and they split up, then it's highly more likely that contact would be initiated after a breakup than if the couple just dated for a few months. I think a lot of couples never have the all-important "Where does our relationship stand" talks, and this leads to a lot of confusion when one breaks it off. One partner may be madly in love with the other and thinks the other one feels the same, only to find out in a week that their partner is avoiding them like the plague. When in all actuality, the partner who broke it off never intended for things to get that far, cause they knew they weren't ready for that.

 

So my point is that communication while in the relationship is vital, and should never be underestimated. You should always weigh the odds of talking to him/her about how you feel, as opposed to what might happen if you don't.

 

I know none of that probably helps you now, and I'm sorry. But sometimes the lesson learned from the problem/speedbump in life is more valuable than what you had in the first place.

 

I hope you both can stop thinking about your ex's (worrying/wondering is the biggest waste of time, we've all been there....) and find new challenges and goals in your life. Work on your self esteem and spirituality and everything else falls into place.

 

Good luck!

[bzborow1]

Rent the movie The Swingers. Fantastic. Talks about this very topic.

[fantasia2004]

that movie can not be that good

[bzborow1]

Heh i like its really good.

[idontgetit]

hi princess 777,

 

i can't speak for jt but for me the circumstances etc. that you pointed to:

first love, 9 years together, he just moved home and i was going to get there eventually. finally decided i could make the move and told him so. he then called about three or four weeks later and said he needed to be single and see other people (more on a physical level than anything else..we were each other's firsts).. haven't heard from him since (broke on july 6). we're now living in diff. countries. so î've basically given up hope of the call and hope he found whatever he needed.

[chai714]

Idon'tgetit and Johnny -

You're both generalizing ex's. There is NO time range in which they either call or don't call. That 2 - 6 months is crap. If you want contact after that long, you're going to have to create it.

[idontgetit]

hi chai,

 

true, they are all generalizations but what would you advise for someone trying to rekindle after a few months and in different countries??? obviously the trying to spend time together and create enjoyable moments is a bit hard on this one.

[chai714]

what would you advise for someone trying to rekindle after a few months and in different countries??? obviously the trying to spend time together and create enjoyable moments is a bit hard on this one.

 

The only thing you can do: Talk on the phone, write letters, email, visit as often as possible . . . . You can only do what's in your power. This is the main reason why most long distance relationships fail.

 

In order for it to truly work out, someone is going to have to make the move. Without living within a reasonable distance from each other, it (the realtionship) will ultimately suffer.

 

Just out of curiosity, how long did you plan on having an LDR with someone in a diff't country?

[RabidTiger]

from a person that is going through the same thing right now...don't worry about her.

 

Try to keep yourself busy that way you'll have less time worrying about her calling. I felt the same exact way you did...thinking....my ex- will never call me just to see what's up. Well....after two months, she finally called me. Yea it was nice that she called, but I am still not ready to break NC with her....so it almost seems moot.

 

Be strong and work on yourself....even if she hasn't call you during NC, I bet you will be a pleasent surprise to her when you are ready to contact her.

 

Thank goodness for me it's football season...my weekends go by nicely.

[idontgetit]

Just out of curiosity, how long did you plan on having an LDR with someone in a diff't country?

 

hi chai,

 

well, for background. we dated almost 9 years and have done ldr before. he moved home in mar, and we've been going back and forth since then. he told me to come when i was ready. after my last visit in may, i decided that was it. he came to visit in june, and i called about 2 weeks later and said i was ready to move next spring. we were going back and forth about once a month and were really doing fine until he called in july and said he needed to be alone and see other people. so, i went into nc and haven't really spoken to him since. spoke to his mom in late aug when she came,she said he's an idiot, and she doesn't know why he's doing this.

[JohnnyTable]

Hmmm

 

She contacts me after 6 weeks of NC (she ignored my attempt to contact her in the past) asking for her cable box back because she left it and was charged. So now I'm supposed to do her a favor? Right.

 

I don't even have it anyway. I'm not sure that I can even get myself to respond to her as it is offensive that she breaks NC in this manner.

 

Maybe I will feel differently after a few days, but it is annoying when somebody breaks NC for silly reasons especially given how things ended.