I got my guitar back and now he's calling me a liar!

[ogie764]

Hi, my ex boyfriend and I are exchanging things back to eachother. At the very beginning he offered back the guitar I gave him. *(he almost never plays on it, and he just lets his little brother use it.)* I said "No, well, maybe" and just kept it at that. Then at one point I asked if he wanted the stuff he gave me back and he said " NO! I gave that to you as a gift! you keep it." in this self-riteous kinda way, referring directly to how I was thinking about the guitar. I then was guilted and said he could have it. Later I said I was still thinking about it. Today he was returning my broken down car to the house where my brother lives. My brother is SUPER protective and violent, and really had a goal of beating my ex to a pulp. I figured I'd get him out of the house by getting him to go by my ex's parents' house and getting the guitar and a DVD back. His family is really great, and my ex said he wanted to be friends, so I thought my brother would like to meet 'em. My brother's kinda big and scary looking if you don't know him, so when his dad answered the door he was a bit intimidated. I got back the guitar, but the dad *nor anyone else in the house* bothered to even acknowledge my brother's presense they were so freaked. I was really hurt that they were acting so weird, but anyway. Later that night I'm talking on the phone with the ex and he was SO angry with me for taking the guitar and for bringing my brother to get it. He said that it was chicken-poo that I did all that and that I lied to him explicitly about the guitar and I shouldn't have taken it. Then my phone battery died and I haven't spoken to him. I'd love for this friendship thing to work, but he's so hostile! And he's the one who dumped me!

[sonjam]

Personally I think, the getting back of items you gave somoene is childish. What he does with the gifts you give him is irrelevant, the fact that you mentioned it at all tells me you are trying to validate your actions.

 

In my opinion, you acted out of place, and I would definitely not blame the guy for being hostile. Forget about the friendship thing, and move on with your life.

 

Sorry if I can't help you validate your actions,

I always try to be honest im my advice.

[ruth1978]

i agree with it being childish to want to get back gifts bought for a partner, but i have also done this myself, things get very hostile when two people break up and they don't even think whether they are being childish about certain things or not, they are both just angry at the time.

 

alot of times when i've broken up with someone they've always asked if i want my gifts back that i bought them. some people don't like to keep them because they have too many painful memories and i must say i've kept nothing an ex ever bought me, it was either given back or thrown away, it makes it easier to get over them somehow.

 

i think eventually you and your ex could be friends, i know he seems very angry right now and he's every right to be, but with time you will become civil to each other again and may form some sort of friendship. remember when people break up, one of them is always hurting and it's hard to be friends right away. i know i'm friends with every one of my ex's but believe me i wasn't at first because it was too painful for him or myself. eventually you will be though when things have calmed down and it's all forgotten.