So your partner has initiated a "break"..

[xliz]

I've only ever dealt with full breakups before so this is really difficult to wrap my mind around. While it'd be nice to not think about it until it blows over, that's certainly impossible. But when you do think about it, do you think about it in a positive way because you still love each other and you'll be together again eventually? Or do you treat it as a full breakup in order to put it in the back of your mind and stop yourself from contacting them constantly? Which do you think is more detrimental to your personal well-being in the meantime?

[Pinnacle]

It's a break up. You don't voluntarily leave the person you love.

[theface71]

Break-up or break...it really is the same thing. The wording is used to soften the blow.

[ghengisT]

Do yourself a favor and go full break up. Taking a break is to reclaim space, soften the blow, etc. Its always for the wrong reason, unless marriage & kids are involved.

 

My Ex told me she lost feelings for me, and suggested taking a break. Out of fear that her feelings for me would never return, and not being strung along, I chose to BU & go NC. Essentially, a break is a way to have your cake & eat it too. "Hold my hand through this breakup, would ya please?"

[Furbys]

A break is a break up. Some people say they want a 'break' so really they can go and sleep with someone else without it being classed as cheating. I do not agree with breaks. You are either together or you are not.

[markie6]

Not always a break up as some might say but I would treat it as such anyway. If there has been a lot of drama it can get too much and one half looks at it as a way to regroup. You should prepare for the worst anyway and cease contact. They need to find out what silence sounds like.

[octour]

Treat it like a break up, disappear and fast. It doesn't feel like the right thing to do, but it is. If he wants to talk to you, make him come find you. Don't respond to texts, don't answer calls, nothing. It'll make his head spin and immediately wonder 'what did I do?'. Nobody wants someone who is clingy, so don't be clingy. Be strong and accept it. It is up to him to come find you and ask you for another chance, not the other way around. There is nothing you can do that will change his mind, but you can push him further away and in a quicker manner. You'll do this by hanging around and being there for him whenever he calls or texts etc. If you really love him and want to be with him, disappear and make him come find you. It is your best chance. People want what they can't have. It sounds strange, but it is very attractive. Do it. I wish somebody had told me that advice when my ex told me she wanted a 'break' as well. She lied to me and manipulated me and used me to make her transition to a new guy easier on her. She has been with him ever since, about six months. He doesn't deserve that, so don't give it to him even if you think/know there isn't anybody else. Listen to me and the other's here who have gone thru the same thing. It is the best advice you can get, be glad you got it when you did.

[xliz]

But he's not lying to me and he's not sugarcoating anything, he's the most brutally honest person I've ever met and I fully believe that he just wants us to spend some time apart. The only thing he can't tell me is how long this is going to take him. If I disappear forever then there's zero chance of this working out.

[ghengisT]

But he's not lying to me and he's not sugarcoating anything, he's the most brutally honest person I've ever met and I fully believe that he just wants us to spend some time apart. The only thing he can't tell me is how long this is going to take him. If I disappear forever then there's zero chance of this working out.

 

He requested a break because somethings broken. Don't be the one to disapoint him. Give him a taste of life without you, 100% without you. If there's anything to be fixed, this space will give both of your hearts an opportunity to miss each other & grow fonder. Only then can a new relationship begin.

[octour]

But he's not lying to me and he's not sugarcoating anything, he's the most brutally honest person I've ever met and I fully believe that he just wants us to spend some time apart. The only thing he can't tell me is how long this is going to take him. If I disappear forever then there's zero chance of this working out.

 

You're already making excuses for him. It doesn't matter if he is or isn't lying and the most brutally honest person ever. I thought the same of my ex. She to this day still denies that she ever lied to me about being with anybody. She is still with the guy and living with him. It doesn't matter. You need to disappear. This is for you, not him. He will come find you when he is ready. Don't be weak, be strong. Give him what he wants and DO NOT be at his beck and call. Make him come get you. He wants a break, give him one. And nobody is telling you to disappear forever. Just disappear and make him come find you. There is a huge difference.

[LoveHurts89]

It really does depend on the relationship. My partner asked for space/break last Sunday. Right now, the relationship is stronger than ever. Sometimes, we just don't know why they need a break. Sometimes it's not even you. For my partner, he had a lot on his plate. A house move, issues gaining access to his child etc. He just needed time away from anything that had the potential to cause him stress, or anybody he'd take his stress out on unfairly. Our break, before we met up, lasted about 36 hours. We'd agreed space of a week. The only guidance I'd give you is to ask for a time frame of when you can meet to discuss it, as keeping you hanging isn't fair. If in the time apart he texts to ask how you are, how your day is going, REPLY, he's interested in you! Don't play games by not replying.

[ghengisT]

I'm going to have to disagree here. 36 hours doesn't constitute as a break. A week w/o talking during a relationship just shows that you're busy, with your own life, doing your own thing. Space is healthy.

 

Asking for a time frame during a break is not advisable. Sometimes relationships can feel suffocating, and one cure for that is to disengage long enough to decide whether to go back with new appreciation for the lover, or whether freedom feels like the better option.

 

Problem is, it's not fair to ask someone to wait around. In fact, that can feel suffocating too, because the SO wants to know how long, exactly, you'll need apart--when you have no idea. So breaking up means taking the risk that you'll lose the SO. That's worth the risk in cases where the suffocation will only ruin everything anyway.

 

I'd avoid pursuing the SO to try to get him back, or the suffocated feeling will only continue. In fact, it's worse to feel that you remain responsible for another's happiness. Instead, I'd surprise everyone (including myself) with my resiliency and ability to move on and start a great life on my own. This increases your SO's respect along with his curiosity, and if he decides that she wants to reconcile, he'll have no trouble letting you know this.

 

Short of that, I'd cut all contact and give him a full taste of what life will be like without you in it. No 'friendzies', no 'support', no contact--period. That middle-of-the-road stuff only keeps someone comfortable without any need to miss you, and it's the prefect way to damage his respect for you. I'd reach for my best dignity as I leave him to figure out where he stands on his own.

[markie6]

Somebody asking for a break , is sending you into limbo. You don't know how long it will be for.

 

It might not be the end, he might be totaly truthful and honest, we don't know

 

Hope for the best .... prepare for the worst.

 

If the best happens... it's great .. if the worst happens... at least you were prepared.

[dasilver]

Perfectly said!!!

 

I couldn't agree more.

 

Xliz, my ex broke up with me a couple of weeks ago for no other reason than he wants his freedom. So i gave it to him....immediately.

 

He just called me yesterday. He wants to see me.

 

Give your guy the space he's asking for. It's up to him to decide if life without without you is better than life with you.

 

I know it's hard but you just have got to give it to him....

[Live-N-Learn]

I made all the classic mistakes because I was naive when it came to relationships. If you chose to hang around you will soon learn the pain of being in limbo. There is zero upside for you to let him have it his way. Think about it...if you hang around you give him full control of the relationship. It no longer is equal which is required in a healthy relationship. He gets to decide when to call, when to text and when to see you. You on the other hand feel uncomfortable to initiate any contact because he has asked for space. Then you sit there waiting and suffering each day wondering if he will contact you and if he wants to get back together. You read and over analyze every contact he makes.

 

This is a big lose for you emotionally. Like I said I did it once and suffered beyond belief. I hope you stand your ground and do as people are telling you.

 

Disappear, he will find you if he wants to get back together. Sticking around WILL NOT get him back...it will do the opposite and you lose your self respect.

[Blossom06]

If I disappear forever then there's zero chance of this working out.

 

I know exactly how you feel. I've been in a similar situation and find myself in one now. If you can be stuck in the "in between" grey area than go for it but 99% of the time I really don't feel like it works. Only you know him best. We don't know his true motives or what he is really up to. But I will say that, you are the only one who seems to be worried about taking that risk. He is willing to take the risk of losing you forever. You have to treat it like a break up. You will still have that lingering hope. But as long as you focus on you and your future without him (which I know is difficult), you will have better peace of mind. Waiting it out is not an option. If it is meant to be, than maybe he will come around before its too late. But please do not do a misjustice to yourself. Waiting around on someone isn't healthy no matter what. Don't worry though...you will get through this.

[xliz]

Thanks for your insight guys, I definitely appreciate all of the different opinions, even if they aren't what I'd like to hear haha. So he called me today to ask about how my weekend was and catch up and such. I asked him why he was calling and he didn't seem to have much of a problem with what he was doing. I explained how upset I was still and how, though I did all of these great things without him and had tons of fun, I'm still very much upset over this. He seemed to think I should be less sad about it by now, which I do not understand AT ALL. A week and a half later and you think I'm all better? He still wants to be with me but me still being sad somehow turns him off a bit. We had to cut the conversation short but we're going to spend this weekend at a music fest together so this has to be figured out before then.. I'm trying to figure out the best way to explain to him why he shouldn't expect me to be a-ok with what he did by now.

[jjcool00]

You need to show strength, not dependency. By being sad and being unable to move on it shows him that you are truly dependent on him, which is a turn off. In a relationship there needs to be a balance of dependency and independency. You need to show that you can carry on - be strong, independent and fine without him just as though you would with him. Honestly, this would turn me off too. It would make me feel like I always need to be there, always need to be within arms length of you (suffocated). A person should be able to go out for a night, a weekend, go on vacation without worrying if their significant other is going to be ok with it, this also shows a lack of trust. Next time he contacts you, don't pretend, instead show him your strong!!!

[xliz]

I'm not suffocating, I never ever have been. When we're together, we do plenty of things without each other and have a fantastic time anyway. I want him to have fun without me. Honestly, he dislikes a lot of my friends and has more of a problem with me having fun without him, except for now finally. I don't understand how it's wrong for me to still be sad. Wouldn't me being happy and perfect and not thinking about this at all suggest that I've moved on from him? I am strong and I am independent. I know he's not going to cheat on me or anything ridiculous, that's a given.

[xliz]

And I can't lie and say it's all gravy, you know? I don't have that in me.

[ghengisT]

I'm not suffocating, I never ever have been. When we're together, we do plenty of things without each other and have a fantastic time anyway. I want him to have fun without me. Honestly, he dislikes a lot of my friends and has more of a problem with me having fun without him, except for now finally. I don't understand how it's wrong for me to still be sad. Wouldn't me being happy and perfect and not thinking about this at all suggest that I've moved on from him? I am strong and I am independent. I know he's not going to cheat on me or anything ridiculous, that's a given.

 

This post breakup stuff comes in waves. Some days you're totally on one, having a blast. Then one random thought sparks depression & your whole day can be sapped. Today has been awesome, until I saw my Ex's FB comment on a mutual friend's post. She was hanging out at my favorite restraunt/bar which is funny because it's 45 miles away, next to my work. I have intentionally avoided all the local places here in town, which shows that she went out of her way to visit my spot.. guess I should feel honored..

 

So, now its time to do Yoga, always makes me forget about her. Sorry for hijacking your thread

[xliz]

Yoga sounds like a beautiful idea, I should start.