Do I finally concede?

[CaptainConfusion]

I had a really bad breakup with my ex nearly four years ago. I dated this girl for 5 years and went through hell (she was bulimic). I wasn't perfect but gave 110% however I couldn't ever get it right with her. That didn't stop her assassinating my character at any chance, as I would learn later. When we split, I tried to recover the situation but ultimately walked and tried to work through the grief. As I would learn soon after she got right on into another relationship and it crushed me.One day about 18 months later she contacted me via email. Long story short, we caught up, the rebound was clearly a 'stop gap' measure for her. She told me she still loved me and we started sleeping together. Unbeknown to me he was still around. One day about 6 months later after doing everything to attempt to manage the uncertainty I 'put her in her place.' She ran back to the rebound and that was the last I heard of her until about a month ago. One night, I got a few messages along the lines of 'I love you, I always have, I hate you and I always have. I wish you were different' Go figure? Foolish me I responded with short simple non-confrontational messages with no suggestion of interest. This followed with the 'need to see me'. As a side note I had heard on the grapevine she had been single for about a year. I would learn later that she was dumped for treating the guy like rubbish. (Pattern?) So, we caught up and all the feelings came back and we had a good night (it was like we hadn't spent a day apart). It wasn't easy to sit there with the knowledge I still loved her. About a week or so later after a few exchanges of messages, I laid it on the line. I told her that i didn't want to die wondering and that we should look at this seriously. I didn't think I was misreading the situation I can tell you. However, I got a reply along the lines of, 'we have been broken up for years, how could you expect me to feel the same?' Either I'm socially and emotionally inept but I all of a sudden felt extremely vulnerable as a result of showing 'a little bit of good faith' and not wanting to live with regrets. So here I am now, once again scratching my head asking myself how I could have been so stupid. For some reason, this whole situation was turned on its head and I am feeling rather lousy about the deal. We are both getting to the age of 30 and I haven't found 'that spark' with someone since we first split. She, at the same time, hasn't found 'that spark' and is starting to get a little more conscious of her biological clock. I have been more than accommodating but the whole 'reverse psychology, NC, LC etc etc' might be good in theory or it may give some confidence but I'm at a loss to figure what more a guy could have done for someone that they really truly love.

[solidbunker]

I'm at a loss to figure what more a guy could have done for someone that they really truly love.

 

i think you are at loss to figure what a man should never do : what you did in this story.

look for somebody else who is healthy and mature.

she is damaged goods,move on.

and next time make them work for your time and attention,stop chasing women or they will toy you around.

[CaptainConfusion]

Haha, pretty much solidbunker. Thank you. However, I really have endeavoured to avoid the chase. I genuinely stay away. I've had a rough day today. I'm not usually one to beat myself up but I have not seen a soul this Easter. I'm not getting all sentimental either, I guess its just has been one of those days. I have avoided putting myself in environments where I could get loose and reckless at the expense of my mental wellbeing.

[pinkelephant]

hahaha solid bunker.

 

TBH, i think you're selling yourself short. The girl is clearly unstable and probably manipulative (whether she knows it or not). She is not treating you well and I'm sure she knows THAT.

 

YOU also know that she's not treating you well.

 

So. Why are you still sticking around? She'll be around forever unless you kick her to the curb and stick to it.

[Tom1990]

Yeah, she doesn't know what she's doing. Or maybe she does, and she can't stop herself. It doesn't sound like malice, just immaturity. Move on, my friend. If she gets back with you, it must be because she worked her butt off for it.