Help needed... rebound sex

[Brandell]

.. It has been nearly six months since I split with my ex. I love her deeply but she is gone from me forever. I tried to get her back but have failed.

 

During the months May thru August I went on ten dates and slept with six women, some more than once. I put myself out there sexually and got alot of interest.... but.. every time I had sex with someone I felt worse and missed my ex. more. The people I slept with, even the ones who liked me and possibly wanted to develop more, sensed this... and they all left.

 

What am I doing? why does being with other women feel so wrong? what should I do? Being with other women is not helping me. Its distracts me momentarily but I feel worse afterwards.

 

Please give me some advice. I am trying to improve myself. I have stopped drinking. Have lost weight. Bought a new car, new clothes. I feel happier but when I meet and sleep with other women I feel worse. Everytime I put myself out there alot of women want to be with me but I have no feelings for them. I am just going through the motions. Am I so hung up on the ex. that I will never meet someone else I can give myself to emotionally?

 

What am I doing wrong?

[mahlina]

Hi Brandell,

 

That's a good question. I don't think that it's the ex that's the cause of the problem. I think what you need to ask yourself is, "Am I truly happy with myself?"

 

All throughout your post, I read the 'external' things that make you happy. Happiness is what's felt from within. It's not the clothes that you wear, the car that you drive, or how much sex you have with women. No doubt, it might bring your happiness. But it's only short-term, 'temporary' happiness.

 

Perhaps you feel as though you need your ex in your life, as a way to fill in a void? I see a lot of men/women do this. They think that they need to be with someone in order to be happy. What happens in the end? They find love in all of the wrong places.

 

What they need to do is first of all, be true to what makes them happy. Once they're happy with themselves, that's the best time to establish any kind of healthy relationship. If people can't be happy with themselves, then they won't find that happiness in another person. That saddness just does not transform into happiness if they're with a partner, who they think might help to fill in that void.

 

I hope this helps Brendell. Realize that you can find fulfillment again, but it's that happiness that you must dig deeper within yourself. That's why I always say this: Be true to yourself, no matter what. Make sure that you're doing what you love, each and everyday. Be honest & real to what you feel is 'right.'

 

Hang in there.

Take Care,

Mahlina

[webjedi]

Don't consider that too much of a fault. You CARE not many people do. That is somethig to be commended for.

 

Secondly, trying to alter your lonely... hmm maybe not the best word... feeligns by having sex is also very normal. You have great self awareness, keep it up.

 

Realize that you are not defined by being the other half of a couple. Just get used to re-defining yourself as YOU not "so and so's" boyfriend.

 

Try not to dwell, every time you start thinking about it, get up immediately, move around, try to alter your state of mind.

 

My friend, exersize could do wonders here.

 

Good luck man.