Really complicated split up, need help still love her

[rainbow666666]

Hey everyone

 

I'm new here but really need some advice or help, 2 weeks ago my gf for 2 and a half years left me and im devasted, heart broken and still love her. She told me her reasons were that she just wanted to be alone since she was literally dating for 5 years straight and hadn't been alone and that our relationship was getting too serious ( i did smother her a bit with attention and could have backed off a bit but it wasnt enough for her to leave me over)

 

So its been two weeks since and we text every now and again but the worst thing is now that she has left me her ex is back on the scene he has asked her to meet up and she refused, she tells me she is doing this to be alone an doesnt want to get back with him and didnt do this to get back with him. But since then we have been seeing each other round our houses for sex because we do find each other very attractive, but while doing this our feelings were get caught up in it and we would spend the day like we were still together, hold hands and kiss it just doesnt make sense though in the moment I did want it and enjoyed it and so did she but we both knew it was wrong. She is trying to get space from me and i the same to her but i dont want it, she said she would like to try us again sometime when she feels she is ready but this just gives me hope and makes me wait for her. the part that tortures me the most is that douchebag of an ex who is around her now since im out of the picture. She seems so naive like i tell her he is only there since he wants you back and she says how it wont happen and its none of my concern now anyway..

 

some backstory i left out i probably shouldnt have is that she cheated on me with him over a year and a half ago a few months before our anniversary, i forgave her and we moved on from it but he always crept his way back in the sneaky rat!

 

I just dunno what to do, we are supposed to meet for sex again next week and i want to but i can't stop thinking about her contacting her ex and talking to him while she does the same to me. I brought him up a few times in conversation with her and it just made her mad cause she said she was sick of talking to me about him and how it should only be us we are talking about.

 

She doesnt text him but when he texts her she replies depending on if she feels like it. even now re reading this i see how i say more about the ex than about me and her.........is this trust issues........do i not believe she will not go back to him........help someone please this stress is bringing on anxiety attacks and i have exams in a few months, im just barely coping.

[charity]

its interesting that you seem more concerned with the ex then you do about you and her. it makes me think that it is your ego is hurt rather then your heart.

she broke up with you. as hard as it is, she can talk to, date and sleep with anyone now. she is a free agent. you are choosing to be involved with her for sex only rather then nothing at all. but because you guys are no longer exclusive then you don't really have a right to question her about other men.

 

my advice to you is to stop seeing her. i know it will be very tough and emotional but its the best way forward. one of two things will happen. either she will miss having you and will want to reconcile, OR she will move on (whether by herself or with someone else) and you WILL get over her and move on yourself.

But what you are doing now is absolute torture for yourself. she broke up with you but she still has you when she wants, but without the 'relationship'.

she is not being fair to you, but most importantly you are allowing her to do this. STOP, leave this drama before the anxiety takes over.

 

take care.

[Emma8]

I think meeting up with her is a BIG mistake. Really big mistake. Its not helping either of you get a clear picture of the situation and you are not giving each space or the opportunity to miss each other.

 

You have to take a step back. Leave her alone for while. Block her on FB and ignore all txts and communication. Its harsh and so hard to do, but I bet you most people will agree this is only way you will establish what she and her really want out of this.

 

The more you push her, the more she will back away and probably end up in the arms of her ex..maybe. On the other hand if you trust her and believe that she wont go back to this ex, then leave her be for a while and trust that she makes the right decision.

 

You cant make that decision for her. If she chooses to go back to him, then she will. Go NC,give her space and time to miss you and definitely do not keep sleeping with her!! That is pure torture to your mind!!! Me and my ex had such chemistry and fancied each other to bits, still do, and altho I would LOVE to sleep with him again, I cant and I wont. My long term mental health is far more important than a couple hours in bed!

 

Hang in there and be strong.

[Zero71]

You are better off going NC. It's a win/win situation for yourself. If she decides that she wants you back great. If she decides that she doesn't want you anymore at least you would have moved on before it happen. You are only delaying your own healing by sticking around just to be her boy toy.