First day of NC

[sydneygirl87]

Hi everyone,

 

Sorry for my daily rants, just feels good to be about to open up about how i am feeling and get others opinions that are going through simular.

 

So today is the first day of NC. After my ex ending it a week ago, he has been in contact every day with texts or calls. I messaged him at 5pm yesterday basically saying to please leave me alone. He had made the decision and i had to accept it and move on which i could not do if we were still talking. I got no reply and havent heard from him since.

 

I know its better to have NC but its so hard letting go. Its like waking up and coming to the realisation that you wont be getting those cute morning texts, or calls to say goodnight.

 

I dont understand why he isnt hurting? Dosent he want to call me? Isnt he feeling crap today too? What if he just goes and replaces me with someone else?

 

I was doing ok for a few days after my total breakdown last week, and now today i feel sick and anxious again. All i want to do is hear his voice. How do i make this feeling go away?

[Coconut Twin]

Get busy, do things and try to focus your mind on other stuff.

 

There are exercises for that. I think its called 'thought stopping' exercisea. Google it.

 

It is normal to feel this way. Trust me I've been there but the only way my healing has been quite triumphant and I'm now reaping the benefits, and this is down to keeping busy. Insane busy. The moment you sit with your own thoughts they will revert to your ex.

 

So try keeping yourself occupied as much as possible and with time, he will fade, feelings for him will fade and it will all pass and trust me you'll be a happier and stronger person.

 

Also on the flipside - let feelings come. Cry if you need to. Don't feel bad about feeling down, it'll just accentuate it. Just ride it. Soon those feelings will get bored and leave you.

 

I'm sure you've heard it all before, but 'time is a healer'. It will be ok, you will get through it.

[pietro5266]

Every time you take a different step with the ex -- going from full contact to LC, or to NC -- it feels like another little mini-breakup. Because with each of these steps, the loss is becoming final, more real.

 

I'm going through this now as well. It's been a similar process with my ex -- she's not been good about letting me be, and I've not been very good about just ignoring her (complicated reasons). However, over time, communications have decreased, and her attitude towards me has become much more detached. And with each little change in attachment, it's like a new wound opening (which is why NC is best).

 

The worst part is the addiction -- the expectation of getting texts and emails throughout the day, a nightly phone call or visit, etc. So that now you look for these things still, only to find nothing there -- which then furthers your own sense of isolation and loss. Sucks, doesn't it? But, like any addiction, the withdrawal will pass, eventually.

 

It's important not to obsess over what he's doing or thinking -- that's one of the reasons you're doing NC, to avoid knowing about those things. Because, most of the time, we're just projecting our own fears onto the ex, when the truth is probably quite the opposite. I struggle with this greatly, but I'm making some progress, finally.

 

As notahopeinhell mentioned, keeping very busy is good. I watch movies, even go to sleep with them, because they help distract me. I do a lot of meditation. And I get the support of friends whenever I can. Most importantly, don't kick yourself for feeling this way, or chastise yourself as being "lazy" or "unproductive", which often happens. You're entitled to feel this way, because we're built to feel this way, in this situation. If you feel like you can't get out of bed for a day or two because the anxiety is making you feel like you're having a heart attack, then stay in bed, if you can. It'll pass, and, in the end, you will be stronger.

 

In the meantime, I will try to follow your example and work harder on achieving NC with my ex.

[gemsyv]

[quote name=

The worst part is the addiction -- the expectation of getting texts and emails throughout the day, a nightly phone call or visit, etc. So that now you look for these things still, only to find nothing there -- which then furthers your own sense of isolation and loss. Sucks, doesn't it? But, like any addiction, the withdrawal will pass, eventually.

 

 

I would say this was probably the hardest part of the BU for me. From the day my ex messaged me on the dating website we met on, we probably sent a whatsapp message every hour or 2 for the first 3 months, decreasing to every few hours in the last 6 weeks. I had a morning message and a good night message every day for 5 solid months and when they suddenly stopped I felt like a junkie going cold turkey. It made me anxious and although I asked him to stop contacting me as I couldn't do the friends thing he was clearly happy with, I check my phone constantly out of habit more than anything. The withdrawel sucked and I felt at times that I was losing my mind.

I had become addicted to this relationship I had with my phone. I was attached to it for months and even when he and I were physically together we would still mess around on our phones together on FB, playing games, taking pics etc etc.

I'm almost 5 weeks on from starting NC and 7 weeks from BU and its much much easier to handle. I still miss him like crazy but i'm not addicted to my phone any longer and don't check it in the hope he's contacted me.

 

That part will get easier, I promise and one thing I have learnt from my BU is not to rely so much on a hand held device and not live so much of my relationship through it!

[markie6]

Keep the daily rants going SydneyG , NOTHING wrong with that, we are all in a similar (life)boat , all with unique stories and nobody, and I mean NOBODY should be bottling stuff up

 

30 days NC today, and I am contemplating a trip to the doctors , 11 weeks exactly since BU and I think there are deeper problems for me and my thought processes. So be it , I am my priority , my future is at stake , the past needs to be sorted and let go , all of it. There is no way a 9 month relationship ( +18months friendship) should be causing me this amount of grief and pain. My shortest ever proper relationship. Last time I felt this bad was my first proper love, all those years ago. It's time for action

[gemsyv]

Are you really struggling markie?

[markie6]

Yeah , finding nc easy enough but too sad and down 3 months on nearly. Never missed somebody so badly. I always take BU badly but last one took me nearly 3 years to be fully recovered and ready to start again. I never rush back as I know I run the risk of finding the right person at the wrong time. Everybody is different.

[gemsyv]

I can understand it totally. I had counselling after a BU 5 years ago and having it again now. It's tough, I won't lie but extremely valuable and I've learnt lots! Go see your GP, they'll advise you correctly in terms of what to do next! Take care if yourself. You should be very proud of yourself for helping on here whilst feeling so down!

[jimbojTX91]

Sydney Gal, I like seeing your posts on here, it reminds me of my goal to get to Sydney soon which is one of my steps in my healing process, nothing left here for me in Melb now.

Just wanted to say hi and congratulate you for taking a positive step towards healing, I totally relate to what you've been going through these past few weeks,

Looking forward to seeing you heal too.

 

Markie,

I really feel for you, I've been getting some counselling too which is good,

Hope you're feeling better soon, sounds like you're a bit sensitive like I am..