The Loneliness is Killing Me

[pietro5266]

Not sure this is exactly the right place to be posting about this, but probably close enough.

 

I recently went through a breakup. We were together all the time, when without our kids, and we talked often when we did have our kids. Now, nothing. No one to talk to. I sit here home, alone with my two kids. I can't leave them, I've no one to call or talk to -- everyone else is out, doing something.

 

In normal times this probably wouldn't be an issue, but, right after a breakup, all I have is isolation and abandonment anxiety. Related to codependency and love addiction. I make the relationship my whole life (the adult part, anyway), and, when it's gone, there's no one left. I get to sit and stew in my misery and anxiety without anyone to talk to.

 

And, so, I post here. I'm working feverishly on my issues, and making some progress, but, at this moment, right now, I'm just alone, and feeling terrible anxiety, and I can't make it stop. I'm curious to know if anyone else goes through this over an extended period of time. Or if they've done the same thing that I've done regarding my social life. Cheers.

[guynextdoor]

You choose to be alone in misery. You have 2 awesome kids with you, spend that quality time with them. Get a movie, popcorn and enjoy the night with them. Keep yourself busy is the key. GL

[pietro5266]

lol -- I did. We actually went-out to the movies tonight. And I spent the whole day with them. It doesn't help, though, after they go to bed, and I'm sitting here alone. It helps to have adult contact as well.

[secondchance67]

You are never alone.

You always have YOU....and that's a relationship that will never leave you, hurt you, or break your heart in unthinkable ways.

I know how you feel....I am almost 3 months out, and there are very lonely nights and weekends in this house all alone....i cant wait for my 3 sons to come home for June/July....I literally count the days....

 

There will come a time when you realize you haven't thought of her in hours.....then maybe a whole day will go by.....as the weather gets warmer, enjoy that with your children.....go outside, to a park, the beach ( if your near one )....enjoy what she could not take away from you when she left:

 

Your relationship with yourself, and the wonderful kids that love their dad so, so much.

 

Remember that you can never stop trying to keep your perspective; remember that this is best, and its the natural progression of things.

Change your mindset - change your life.

[pietro5266]

And that's the problem: I don't have a very good relationship with myself. That's what I'm working-on; it doesn't get fixed overnight. I understand this is necessary, and what you said is absolutely true. I'm just having a crappy night.

[secondchance67]

And you will have alot of "crappy" nights.

 

And sooner enough you'll start tot have "just ok" nights.

 

Then some " pretty good overall" nights

 

Then some " damn good" nights.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself....we have all been there, riding the roller coaster of heartache....but the thing to remember is, NEVER get off the ride; stick with it until its over, the ups and downs....then you'll see that you got to that place of indifference and inner peace.

 

You have alot more "good" than "bad" in your life....I can think of 2 things right now:

 

Your kids

 

Love them, feed off their love for you - let it recharge you and keep you centered......they love you more than anything....that will never change.

 

It won't get fixed over night....just don't beat yourself up along the journey....stay the course, hold the line, day by day....you can do this - I know you can.

[mines]

I know exactly what you mean, O.P.

 

I have two lovely daughters. I do spend quality time with them. We talk, we eat together, we have authentic relationships. But there is the adult part, that goes unfulfilled.

 

I know what it's like. I sit here, my daughters getting older, having their own lives and this is a good thing. Meanwhile I sit here alone, no distraction. My guy, he was a distraction, he was company, a friend, more than a lover, but that too.

 

Now I sit here. Tonight the girls are with their dad, and I'm happy for that. . . but for me I find the hours are long. I'm alone and it's so hard to fill the hours.

 

Sorry, I don't have words to help. I just wanted you to know I understand how you feel. I wish you the best.

[learning2relax]

Yes, it gets very quiet 'overnight.' It is like going from 100 to 0. I understand. It does get better. You just have to force yourself to engage with your kids and others and find things to occupy yourself. Some days it is easier to do than others. Hang in there and just keep at it. You will get there.

[doyathink]

Yep, I know that feeling. Im not really lonely too often, but some nights I can hardly stand it. I dont go out much anymore tho...my own fault, but nothing interests me lol. Im tired of the bars, the ppl, and about everything else there is to do around this town. Im almost your age, and there just isnt much to do unless I want to hang with the kids and younger crowd. My kids are raised, altho my daughter still lives with me..so this house is usually really quiet.

[Penny1041]

I have been single for a while now, and I can honestly say that I like my alone time. When I broke up with my bf I was VERY codependent too and I it felt like my world was gonna end. It didn't happen over night but eventually I realized that I had stayed with him because was afraid to be alone.Now that I am away from that situation, I can see things more objectively and see now that our relationship was very dysfunctional. Be strong and things will work out.

Penny

[pietro5266]

@secondchance67, I am optimistic about the future. My kids are great, and I get a lot of good energy from them. I have no intention of getting off the ride.

 

@mines, I know there are no words. I'm sorry you're going through the same thing, but appreciate your understanding. I wish you the best as well.

[pietro5266]

@learning2relax, 100 to 0 is absolutely true. Just got to get used to it, now.

 

@doyathink, that's my challenge now -- to build a social life, outside of a single relationship. Never really learned how to do it when I was younger, so now's as good a time as any.

 

@penny1041, it's funny -- I used to be fine being alone a good bit of the time. The codependency does make everything feel worse, but at least I'm aware of it, now, and working on it. If nothing else, the breakup was the start of my breaking out of this.