Initiating text conversations

[rich46]

Hi all,

 

I am a bit confused in terms of text message 'rules' while in the dating phase.

 

On the one hand, I have read that it is important not to come on strong, and let them come to you. Conversely, I have read that the man should take the initiative and the girl is waiting for him to lead the way.

 

In my current situation, I have met up with a girl a few times and we are meeting again next week to visit Disneyland together. I believe she is into me judging by some of the things she has texted and said, but she rarely initiates with the texting.

 

For example, we haven't texted since yesterday lunchtime which I know is not long, but seeing as though I texted last, should I send another eventually? Or just wait until she texts me? It feels so stupid analysing these things but it does feel like a game of cat and mouse during these early stages of a (potential) relationship...

 

Thanks!

 

Rich

[Timebandit]

The truth is that there are not rules. Each woman (as men) is different, and a smitten woman reacts very differently from a lukewarm woman.

 

Your main concern should be about following your own instincts, while still respecting her boundaries.

 

So if you want, take the lead by contacting her. If she does not reciprocate, then back off a bit

[annie84]

I like the guy to text me. Don't overdo it, but I think at least getting a "hey how was your day" or whatever is always nice. If a guy is bothering me, I'll usually "miss" a text or take a really long time to respond every time. So as long as she's responding, you're fine.

[lila...]

I'm one of those who prefer the guy to lead the way and initiate more than I do, but I am receptive and will also initiate every once in a while if I sense that he is into me. I wouldn't want him to think I'm not interested when I really am. You're right, in the beginning stages of dating when you don't really know one another, it feels like a game- "should I text him? Should I wait? Should I reply right away or wait 3 hours?" Lol. The joys of dating. Do what feels right without overdoing it. If a girl does like you, she won't be bothered by your texts. I don't think initiating twice in a row is overdoing it, she might be the traditional type like me who's waiting for you to lead more.

[Lifes4Living]

dont do it. texts should only be used for organising a time to meet but phoning is better. mis-communication and mis-interpretation is all that happens when you text

[rich46]

Thanks for your replies

 

I disagree Lifes4Living, especially as the girl in question is Japanese so it is easier for her to communicate via text, even though her English is really good.

 

Lila....thanks for that, it was interesting to get a female perspective. I sense that this girl has a similar mindset. In the past, I might have felt (inwardly) annoyed if it felt like I was putting in too much effort. It is a balancing act of course, but this time I realise that initiating more is fine as long as she continues to reciprocate.

 

Timebandit and annie84...thanks, it was reassuring to hear your perspectives

[clorenzen]

New day, clean slate. Whoever texted last the day before doesn't count. The guy always texts first every day.