I hate him

[if only]

I need to write this as otherwise I am going to end up e-mailing my ex to tell him how much I am hating him at the moment!!!!!!!

 

My ex dumped me 4 months ago. We were together for over 5 years!!!! I was doing really well to get over him and just this last week I have started to have dreams about him again which is making me feel quite down

 

I suppose the real problem is he broke up with me to be single and I found out a couple of months ago he started dating someone a week after the split!!! at first it didn't bother me, she is 10 years older and a few mutual friends have met her and said she is ok, but quite boring. I have also seen her and im not being the jealous ex or anything but she isn't really stunning looking either!!! A friend of ours told me he didn't mean it to happen it just did.

 

Problem I think I have now is it is coming up to 4 months that they would have been together and I can handle the fact they are dating, sleeping together etc (I don't want him back, I honestly couldn't go back with him when he has put me through hell & back only to date someone a week after our split) but what I cant handle is the fact he may be falling in love with her so soon after splitting with me.

 

I really hate him for doing this to me. he meant the world to me and he used to tell me he loved me soo much all the time!!! it was a complete shock splitting up, to me, his family & friends!!! He even told me he had only been planning it for a week (since we got back from our holiday) I think it must have been at the back of head for a while - he had this commitment problem that came up every time we were together for another year, but when he was drunk he blurted it all out and finished it!!! Gutless pig!!!

 

I know it is none of my business and I could deal with the fact he was with her as I thought of it as... she wasn't replacing me just helping him get over me, but now I feel it has to be more!!! I really hate him, he didn't even send my a birthday card after us being together for so long!!! I feel like I have done something wrong even though it ended on a nice note saying one day we can be friends but I just feel so much bitterness between us. I think most of it is in my head as I haven't seen/spoke to him for over 2 months and even then it was me who went up to him & his new GF and said hi how are you!! - not that I cared!!!! just didn't want him to think 'I'm really glad I broke up with her'

 

I reallllllly hate him and I realllly want to tell him but I know it wont do anything.

 

I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him

[hockeyboy]

good...keep hating him for now. eventually that hate will go away and you will just feel sorry for him, feel pity for him. then you will be at peace. my ex of 4 years left me last year and she to went right to someone else right away and hid it from me. of course she left him to but quickly jumped from man to man till she found her current bf. last week i texted her asking nicely if i could get my personal belongings back. she called me back a few days later...on friday night when she was with her friends and her boyfriend. she proceeded to call me an a-hole...said she regretted ever dating me, she hated me, and she wished i would die. nice words, huh? you would think this would destroy me..but it didnt. i just laughed at her. i told her i felt sorry for her that she had so much anger (i didnt even do anything) i told her i hope she finds peace within herself and lets go of her guilts as i did. of course this just angered her more. bottom line...everything i said made her upset..nothing she said could touch me..and it never will again. i was angry as you were for a long time too....but after some time...it was replaced with pity.

[whattheheck]

I hear ya'. i know aht you are feeeling. My ex gf dumped me and went immediately to a new guy. She turned into a miserable, heartless, gutless pig. I emailed her to see if she wanted her Bible back (It was a gift for her college graduation) but she doesn't even have the guts to respond back.

 

Like I always say - What comes around, goes around. Always remember that!!

 

your story is similar to mine. I was with my ex for almost 5 years also, and she just turned on me. Someday, she will get a taste of her own medicine.

 

Take care.

[if only]

Do you know the only thing that bothers me about this is I did feel pity for him and I didnt hate him i thought I had got past this stage, hate just makes me feel so angry and sad as i am usually such a happy person.

 

I had got past the hate thing and then for some reason when I realised we had been split for 4 months it meant they must have been together for nearly 4 months which means he must be falling in love with her this is what hurts the most.

 

I truthfully dont want him back but I cant cope with him loving someone else just yet I dont think it is fair, he after all wanted to be single & I didnt now I'm single and he isn't!!!

 

I have met new men but they just aren't what im looking for and i dont want to rush into anything else as I know in the long run I will be stronger by getting through this on my own.

 

I really just want to shout at him and tell him how I feel!!! it is soooo tempting!!!

[hockeyboy]

its normal to go through the phases. on several occasions i thought i was done hating..and only felt pity for her. but it took a while for that feeling to really sink in and last. her saying those things to me..and not feeling anything really proved to me once and for all that im over her and ill tell you it feels great. i know you wanna yell at him, call him whatever, a lotta people may tell you not to...but you know what, sometimes its alright..it depends on the circumstances

[whattheheck]

If only - you made a good point about how you had to deal with it on your own, and that you will be a stronger person by dealing with this on your own. Your ex has not dealt with this yet - he got a quick fix (like my ex gf) by going directly to someone else. Our exes never even gave themselves time to think about things. That will backfire on them someday.

 

I actually feel sorry for my ex, how she can't be without a guy for more than 2-3 days. Even after a 5 year relationship!!!! That shows that she is unstable, needy, desperate.

[JT]

I can speak from a first hand experience with this. I too broke things off with my GF of 2 years 4 months ago. I went immediately to another woman to "soothe" things over. I moved to a new neighborhood and accquired new friends. What I really did was run from my problems. I cut things off with the one rebound girl and went immediately to a girl I am dating now. I particularly dont like her all that much and I think I'm going to cut thigns off when I return from my vacation. This summer I've been a very bad boy and accquired a few nasty habits which I am going to work on. I think now I want to be single, be alone and truly deal with thigns and work on bettering myself.

 

As for your guy doing this to you.. I'm sure he's doing what I did. Its not a good idea. You can run but you can't hide and yes, this stuff is gonna come around and bite you in the butt one day.

[YNP8112]

"this stuff is gonna come around and bite you in the butt one day"

 

haha I love that. I can't wait till it comes around and bites my ex in the butt. Basically she's one of those people that can't be single for a week without needing someone. But in the end she caused a lot of the problems within our relationship. Maybe its insecurity I don't know... She wanted to break up with me because I work too much. (We lived together I PAID THE BILLS!) Its not like I worked 24/7 either. I am in college so I had classes during the week and work on weekends. She was mad because I couldn't just take off two weeks of everything and go somewhere with her. She never really considered how I felt about anything. Oh well........I'm single she's not. Its just hard to find someone that I like a lot after such a long relationship.

[if only]

JT - why did you split from your GF? and whilst you were with the new girl did you still think about her/regret the end?

 

see this is what I dont get he actually split from me to be single!! then he finds someone else... I hope it does bite him in the bum!!!

 

I understand what you mean I was very tempted to be with someone new when we first broke up but I suppose I hung on for a while waiting to see if he would come back. It would have been easier as they fulfill the time that you would spent thinking of them.

 

When I realised he wasnt coming back it had been about a month and I didnt feel the need to have someone in my life so I havent rushed things.

 

Still it hurts to think he has forgotten me and is now in love with her.

[guy40az]

I would have to say he didn't leave you to be single he probably was intending in seeing her before the breakup I know this probably don't make you feel any better but it has to be good for you to hear it will never workout t never does. My ex told me she was leaving me to be single but she was dating a guy for 8 months before our breakup. I was so miserable for a long time but I got over her and now her and her boy friend has broken up and now she wants me back and I won't take her back so now she the one that is really hurting. My point is he will be having his problems in time. I really think after you have a breakup it is best to wait a while before you start dating again it makes it so much easer and there is a better chance you wont make the same mistake again.

[JT]

I broke up with her because we were living together and just not getting along. I tried group therapy and everything to no avail. It was tough for me because of mutual friends and support which I lost and she had. I chose to run just to have someone around. I broke up with the rebound girl, but I was very cautious and told her about the rebound and everything about how I was feeling. She understood but was upset. So was I. I went right to another girl after that who Im still seeing but I am going to tell her I want to be alone to deal with things. Mostly during the rebounds I missed the ex, but felt betrayed by friends and angered more than anything else. They did try to keep channels of communication open but it was a half butted attempt and the proof of the pudding was they'd rather spend time wit her than me. I made new friends, drank all summer and developed a nasty coke habit which is now really kicking me in the butt.

 

Better to take the time off. But, unlike my situation its good to have supportive friends around. I had none of this and I think thats what screwed me up the worst. It was a horrible breakup, I dealt with much guilt about it. I was doing better before but a lot of it is unresolved still. I have much to work on which I must do alone.

[ultimate_frisbe]

Ok sorry this is going to sound dumb and over simplified but here is my two cents:

 

You are never going to forget about him until you meet someone else. And if you don't find a way to forgot about him then you are not going to let that happen to yourself.

 

Your heart is torn and you are upset. Sometimes love and hate are suprisingly close emotions and it looks like right now you are still hating him because he isn't giving you the opportunity to love him.

 

Your heart will heal when you find someone else to love. You need to stop asking yourself why, but be grateful, this man did you a favor. You are better than this and now you have the chance to find someone who will truly love you. And consider yourself luvky because you two could have been married and with children.

 

Sorry I am not trying to belittle the situation or the pain that you are feeling but trying to give you some others things to consider. Hang in there, be true to yourself. Ask yourself what it is you truly want in life and in a partner and you will probably see that its not really what he could have given you. Love is a wonderful feeling to have and when its gone it creates a huge void thats hard to fill, but if you spend time focusing on yourself and not him then the process of moving on will be a lot easier.