sandrawg Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 The last couple days, I keep having to search for things in my gmail, and it keeps pulling up chat conversations btwn me and my ex. And I...stupidly open and start reading them, and it HURTS..mainly because, we had such a great rapport, and our conversations just flowed so well. It was like we were so like-minded and related to so well to each other intellectually. Plus..remembering how we would either IM or call each other, or text...EVERY day. It seemed like we always had so much to say to each other..until he started pulling away from me, after using the "L" word. I know I need to stop looking at those chats. Part of me wants to delete them, but I can't bring myself to do it. Link to comment
SuperDuper Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Well we surely can't help you if you're unwilling to help yourself. Taking 2 minutes to rid those unnecessary reminders of your life would definitely be beneficial. I know you want to hold onto the memories but you won't be able to better yourself without moving on. Think about it this way... say he DID come back, then you could make new memories. Who needs OLD emails? Especially if they cause you this grief. Delete them, it's done with and then you can't think about it anymore. There's one worry out of the way. I'm a little confused as to who said "I love you" to who? I'm guessing you said it to him and that caused him to be distant. People change you know... and dwelling on what WAS doesn't make too much sense. You are now different people who have encountered each other in different circumstance than you were at those earlier stages. That's time, that's life... What does make sense is to think about YOU. Because if you aren't going to then who will? Love yourself first, do fun activities with you friends, and time will heal your wounds. When you're in a positive mindset, anything is possible... even rekindling old love. Put yourself first, I hope the best for you. Good luck. Link to comment
MissieP Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I look through old texts and I take trips down memory lane and today I am having a so-so day because I dreamt about him ( grrrrr) but you have to remember he is out of your life now ( good or bad) he is gone. It is okay to take trips down memory lane and look at old e-mails or old texts or remembering the good times but you need to get back into your old groove before you met him and make you better or you will be sad all the time and that is not healthy! Link to comment
sandrawg Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 Thanks. It would take longer than 2 minutes. We chatted nearly every day for 6 months. If you read my other posts, you'll see...he said "I am falling in love with you" on New Year's Eve (which was the 2nd time he'd said that), then almost immediately became distant. He broke up with me 3 wks later. When I asked for an explanation, he told me he is "too selfish" and "too concerned about his own needs, which is not appropriate nor healthy" for a relationship. I fell in love with him before he said he was falling in love with me. Link to comment
lolgirl Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Thanks. It would take longer than 2 minutes. We chatted nearly every day for 6 months. If you read my other posts, you'll see...he said "I am falling in love with you" on New Year's Eve (which was the 2nd time he'd said that), then almost immediately became distant. He broke up with me 3 wks later. When I asked for an explanation, he told me he is "too selfish" and "too concerned about his own needs, which is not appropriate nor healthy" for a relationship. I fell in love with him before he said he was falling in love with me. RUUUNNN!! My ex used to tell me when we first met that I would be his future wife, calling me Mrs. XXXXX, and how we're going to get married one day. A few months later, he tells me I'm not the one for him. Now looking back, after many breakups and reconciliations, I should have seen the writing on the wall! There is no miracle in the world that would ever make me want to give him a second, third, no wait...FOURTH chance. As hard as it is, find the strength to erase those messages and move on. I still have the jewelry he got me and I plan on pawning it off in the next few weeks. He's soooooo not worth it! BE STRONG! Link to comment
sandrawg Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 Oh yeah...I know. I don't want him back. He's messed up. He totally led me on. I just can't imagine, tho, that he'll find anyone with whom he had such a strong intellectual and physical connection as he did with me. Reading those chats, I just don't think he will. RUUUNNN!! My ex used to tell me when we first met that I would be his future wife, calling me Mrs. XXXXX, and how we're going to get married one day. A few months later, he tells me I'm not the one for him. Now looking back, after many breakups and reconciliations, I should have seen the writing on the wall! There is no miracle in the world that would ever make me want to give him a second, third, no wait...FOURTH chance. As hard as it is, find the strength to erase those messages and move on. I still have the jewelry he got me and I plan on pawning it off in the next few weeks. He's soooooo not worth it! BE STRONG! Link to comment
SuperDuper Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 His loss, your gain. I'm sticking with my advice to delete those messages because I think subconsciously you'll feel a bit relieved and it will only make things easier. Developing yourself into a stronger, wiser individual just makes you that much better of a candidate for that man that'll sweep you off your feet. Link to comment
lolgirl Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Geez Sandrawg, you and I are like kindred spirits. We're going through the EXACT same thing!! Aaaand, of course, we are both awesome chicks, and we'll find someone WAY better than our ex's! Oh yeah...I know. I don't want him back. He's messed up. He totally led me on. I just can't imagine, tho, that he'll find anyone with whom he had such a strong intellectual and physical connection as he did with me. Reading those chats, I just don't think he will. Link to comment
Yeul Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I agree to delete them. I deleted everything, and it hurts. it sucks. I didn't want to do it. But I found the strength to pull the trigger and do it, and now even when I regret that, and I want to look (I guess just to torture myself), I don't have a choice. I can't do it. I couldn't no matter what I did. It hurts sometimes, but not as much as looking at those conversations would. Link to comment
MissieP Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I still have the texts and e-mails my ex sent me weird huh? Link to comment
sandrawg Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 No. I don't think it's weird. I still have all my emails from my EX-ex, too. We used to chat over IM every day as well. Now texts...those I don't keep. I still have the texts and e-mails my ex sent me weird huh? Link to comment
MissieP Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 LOL I guess I am an odd one on the saving texts. I just remember those sweet texts when we starting dating and then I remember the decline several months later and how rude he was. I know in my heart he is sending sweet texts to his new girl and I also know several months later he will turn into that rude person I knew. I miss those old days......... Link to comment
OldSoul86 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 The last couple days, I keep having to search for things in my gmail, and it keeps pulling up chat conversations btwn me and my ex. And I...stupidly open and start reading them, and it HURTS..mainly because, we had such a great rapport, and our conversations just flowed so well. It was like we were so like-minded and related to so well to each other intellectually. Plus..remembering how we would either IM or call each other, or text...EVERY day. It seemed like we always had so much to say to each other..until he started pulling away from me, after using the "L" word. I know I need to stop looking at those chats. Part of me wants to delete them, but I can't bring myself to do it. Sandrawg, I have recently deleted all of the emails and Facebook messages between my ex and I. I honestly believe that if you are not ready to delete the messages then don't. But, the reasoning I gave to myself for deleting the messages and emails was the fact that I was deceiving myself and holding onto that last shred of hope that she could still be the person that I wanted her to be. I told myself that the messages I received were from a person that did not exist anymore. She had changed for whatever reason and did not want to be in a relationship with me - therefore I deleted every semblance of the person she used to be. I believe that the only way we truly let go is to remove all reminders of our exs, and constantly be mindful of the fact that they are not the person that we thought they were. Holding onto what was only serves as a reminder of the pain. I personally am trying not to give my ex any additional real estate in my mind than need be. Reading, and holding onto these messages only gives her more real estate that she does not deserve anymore. Link to comment
sandrawg Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 Good points. Very good points. I will consider it when I feel brave enough. I ended up writing a poem..it's sort of an "f u" type of poem. But I am not going to send it to him. It was just cathartic to get my feelings out. Link to comment
golfingjbaby Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I think once the person has made it clear they don't want you in their lives anymore, you owe it to yourself to get rid of those things that remind you of them. If you think there could be a potential of reconciliation, put them in a box or on a jump drive. For me, I tore up pictures, mall "photo booth" pictures, even a "drawing" she drew for me that just said "I love you" with cool designs. Anyways, my point is, those things meant so much to me. But she told me she "threw out the box" of our stuff. At that point, I knew what I had to do. She threw out the poems I wrote her every valentines day, poems she bawled in my arms over. She threw out countless pictures of us doing tourist things. She threw away stuffed animals I won for her at the carnival. Sometimes, doing the right thing isn't always the easy thing... You'll be fine, know that. Link to comment
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