Support and advice, please.

[diariescs]

My grandmother died a few hours ago. Somehow, my ex got wind of it and he sent me this message on Facebook:

 

I m sorry that your great grand mother passed , i will pray for her and your family.

 

I know it's generic, and I know it doesn't mean a damn thing. But it's only been a week since BU, and 4 days NC, and that message hit me square in the chest. It hurts so bad. I do want him back. It's like an inescapable need, even though, logically, I know it isn't.

 

At first, I called a friend and broke down again. But just as quickly, the panic subsided and so did the tears. I am glad that I did not respond back immediately. I do want to get back together with him and do not want to do anything that could jeopardize that, which is why I wanted to respond to begin with, even if it's just with a thank you. I immediately realized, however, that I can send him a thank you message later on, with an apology about not responding sooner. Right now, I need to remain NC. For both our sakes (because I need to heal and I need to give him time to really feel my absence, as I am feeling his). I know that NC is not for them - it's for us - but I can't help but hold on to that sliver of possibility that I'm killing two birds with one stone here.

 

Please advice on if I'm doing the right thing by not responding. Would also appreciate thoughts on the right way to conduct myself, right things to say, etcetera. I know most here would push for me to forget him and focus on myself. I am doing that. But I do know that I want him back. It's a tall order, because I want him to be the one to come back to me. To initiate. To do everything in his power to get me back. Not the other way around. So yeah, it's a very tall order, and I'm not optimistic or even really hoping. It's just something I've come to accept. I acknowledge that I do want him back, but I also accept that it's over. I want him back on my terms only; therefore, I have to move on with my life.

 

So on this note, am I doing the right thing by not responding? Should I even say anything? Is there a "window of opportunity"?

 

Also, there's still the issue of my things. He said he was bringing them over on Thursday, and he hasn't yet, but I don't really want to ask him for them again. I feel too fragile to break NC, even for something so business-like.

[DN]

Very sorry about your grandmother.

 

If you don't respond now, the fact that you intend to will hang over you. So best to get it over with and text back a simple thank you.

[CindyTime]

I'm sorry to hear about your grandma.

 

I think it would be okay to respond with a simple thank you, or something like that. I am not always a 100% support of NC when the ex reaches out. This would be one of the times that I would respond.

[lanaa]

yeah i agree i think it is only being polite to reply with a thank you

[diariescs]

Almost as soon as he sent that, I found out through a mutual friend that he is sleeping/slept with someone he met at a bar this week. Can't break NC. Too hurt. I don't think I'm ready to just "be polite".

[DN]

Being polite is not something you do when everything is fine and jettison when things are difficult.

[CindyTime]

Being polite is not something you do when everything is fine and jettison when things are difficult.

Agreed.

 

Don't let the actions of other people change who you are. You can never control what they do, but you have complete control over what YOU do.