Friends for longer than dated - Dealing with loss of "friend" more than GF....

[Lansing]

So, I was friends with this girl for about 2 years (closer friends in the year before we dated) and we dated for about a year before we broke up. We weren't communicating well in a "bf" / "gf" type of way. We weren't even really bf/gf and were more dating because she broke up with a guy before we dated and I was hesitant that I was a rebound. In retrospect, I shouldn't have even started dating her until there was a longer break for her to reflect/etc (she had ended the previous relationship).

 

Anyway, I was also hesitant if we were really compatible long term. I enjoyed spending time with her and we had a lot of fun together but she would close down plus she had these issues at the time that I didn't understand (later I found out they were related to ADD symptoms). Anyway, she ended up breaking things off because she felt like things weren't progressing. I guess in retrospect I think it was for the better although I wish she had a conversation with me about it (especially since when I brought up a discussion about relationship things before she would kind of shut down... again, could be related to things I have read about ADD).

 

I posted some other threads about her but I guess for me, the hard part is losing that friendship. Has anyone here been able to go back to being friends with someone that they dated? I have talked to some friends about it and they say to give it a few months. She never said "I want to be friends still" because I think she knows in the past I haven't stayed friends with girls I have dated. But, I feel this is different because we had a basis of friendship/things in common/etc before we dated.

 

It has been no contact for about a month and a half since the breakup. My intention was to leave it for another month or two but it really bugs me thinking that I may never see her again as a friend. I know that I could contact her in 2 months and she could even reject the friendship. Blah.

[GreenCupcake]

All I can say is that if you still have feelings for her, don't try to be friends with her. So in a way, I agree with your friends. Wait it out and see how you feel.

[learning2relax]

I completely understand. But the fact is that she is now your ex and she is your ex as long as that means something to you. You can't be friends until her being our ex doesn't matter. And if she is desirous to be friends for the same reasons as well. It is sad when you lose our friend. In a way, I think it hurts worse. I have stated to my friends many many times that had I any insight that things would go the way they did by entering into a relationship, I would have fought off my attraction to keep my friend. Hindsight is 20/20.