What more can I do...anyone?

[hurtin]

Its been about 3 months since my GF left me, and about 2 months since I told her that I was letting her go (something I felt I needed to do to heal properly). There has been absolutely no contact between us since then. I saw her car a week ago and it almost set me back an entire month! What is this all about!! I feel like I've done everything to move on but I still think about her roughly 15hrs/day. I've been keeping really busy with work, going to the gym like crazy and even got together with an ex-gf (nothing happened, but she made it quite clear that she'd like to get back together). So here's the deal, I have this fantastic woman whom I know, and had great realationship with in the past (ex-exGF) and who seems to be genuninley interested in me. On the other hand, there's my ex..a girl who treated my feelings with reckless abandonment and pushed me away as if our 2 1/2 year relationship was nothing but a weekend fling!! The choice is simply right? Well, it completely is not. Why on earth am I still thinking about my ex? I feel I'm smarter than that, and that I should realize that she is no longer a part of my life and move on. I'm fully aware that what we had was special, but I do not want to continue holding onto a memory that is no longer real. Please, can someone tell me that this will get better and that I'm better off in not being with someone who doesn't love me.

 

Thanks for listening to me ramble.

[K_N_AZ]

Everything you are feeling is completely normal right now. I know that's not much of a comfort, but it's true. If you can truly keep up the NC and discipline yourself to be strict with that rule, then you have already begun the process to heal yourself. Sounds to me like you are doing all the right things to heal yourself, as for the pain...that just takes time. The hardest part is to focus your energy and thoughts on yourself, because she keeps poping in your head. But you have to look at it like this...you tried a relationship with her and it didn't work, for whatever reason. She is not the right girl for you...the right girl for you is still out there. Also, you have to ask yourself this question...if she did come back, would you want her back? would it be worth it? nah, there is someone better for you out there, and you'll find her when you least expect.

 

As for dealing with the previous exes, I wouldn't mess around with that...that's like playing with fire. It's okay to talk to them and maybe even try a friendship with them, but those relationships also did not work for a reason. The reason being that they were not right for you.

 

Sounds like you are keeping yourself busy, just go out and have fun, cocentrate on yourself. Don't try to date right now or jump into anything with anyone...take this time for yourself. Show yourself that you are independent, strong, fun, and most importantly, happy with yourself. When you get to that point, you will know because the thought of your exe will fade and when it is there, it won't bother you. Then, your happiness will reflect on the outside and you have all kinds of great women wanting to meet you.

 

Hang in there, I know it's tough but it can't last forever. only you have the power to want to get past this and make it go away.

 

Post here again if you have a hard time or start to get weak again. Good luck!

[hurtin]

Thanks for message K_N_AZ. It really made me feel alot better. I guess I'm just so confused as to how my brain and heart are saying 2 completely different things. For example, in your message, you eluded to the notion of my exGF coming back and if I would want to go back with her. Well, the rational part of me keeps screaming that this person is simply not ready for a relationship with me at the moment and it is best to let her experiment life by herself. HOWEVER, my heart very much wants the exGF I USED to know back in my life. So very strange. I know deep down that I will get over this, but for the moment, it seems like I will always hold a torch for this person. Maybe I'm scared that I will compare every new person I meet to my ex. Who knows...

 

Thanks to those who listen to my venting

[DragonGirl724]

do u have aol i.m.? i am in the same boat.

i know the pain you feel. how a person or a person's car or anything reminding u of them can suck the air from your lungs, callapsing into your grieving soul. i wish i had advice for you, but if i did id remedy myself as well. i will be watching this post. send me a PM w/ your screen name if u have it. i want to help as much as i can.

 

-DG724

[hurtin]

I read alot of posts about people waiting a fixed amount of time before contacting their ex. What do you want to say to them? Don't you think you may be setting yourself up for the ultimate downer (like not hearing what you want them to say)? I havn't spoken a word to my ex in 2 months and have absolutly no interest in seeing her. Actually, I purposely take the long route to work as to not walk by her friends place where she may be hanging out. And I'm not doing this to make her miss me and increase my chances of getting her back. I'm doing this because I honestly believe it is the only way to screw my head back on straight. Is this normal behaviour, or have I completely lost it altogether? If anyone has experienced this before, or may have an idea as to what I'm truly feeling, please let me know....and don't pull any punches....let me have it.

 

Thanks

[JohnnyTable]

I think that avoiding where she might be is not a bad idea. You don't want to run into her or see her right now.

 

However I would not avoid places that remind you of her. Visit those places and create new memories. I know this is not on your exact topic, but I'm bringing it up anyway

[spanglish]

Hi hurtin,

 

I am going through exactly the same as you, my girlfirnd of 2.5 years left me. To make it worse she strung me along for 3 months giving me false hopes, until she had a new man in her life, then she dropped me totally.

 

I still love her and sometimes think I would like her back, but my head tells me that would be such a big mistake.

 

At the moment I am trying to heal at all costs. I'm trying the NC thing, which I discoverd here, hopefully that will heal me but it hurts so much.

 

I've never been dumped before and know that what I am experiencing now is probably gonna be a good thing in the long term and make me a stronger person.

 

You seem like a very level headed person. I would love to know how you get on.

 

PS. I am 10 days of NC since she dropped the bombshell of "I've met someone else."

[JohnnyTable]

Spanglish,

 

Although it may not feel like it, you are such a good position to become a better and stronger person. I have gone through what you are going through twice in my life now. Each time I pop out at the other end (still popping on the second one!) much better. The ex on the other hand is likely the same person or worse.

 

At least your ex told you that she has somebody else. Mine just cut me off and then I found out through a roundabout way.

 

Eventually you will realize that you don't want her back. Then you will begin to move forward.

[hurtin]

Hey Spanglish,

 

10 days eh? Well, if your anything like me then you probably still feel numb. Totally normal my good friend. This was my first time being dumped also and, I must say it litteraly took me a month to just get out of the 'shock' phase. Sometimes, I still don't believe we're no longer together. My relationship with my ex seemed so real and healthy....little did I know there was much more going on than what appeared. You'll be fine. Although I would hardly call myself an expert on how to deal with failed realtionships, here are my 2 cents:

 

cent 1) Tell people to ^%ck off when they tell you to keep busy and meet new people. After being dumped, i was in no shape or form to do such a thing. And when I did, I came accross as being a moron since I hadn't fully dealt with my ever so fresh wound. So instead, I stayed at home for a month and wrote my thoughts on paper. I really think this helped me sort out what exactly happened and if I was going to let it bring me down. In the end, I decided to allow myself to be sad, but to never feel depressed. After I realized this (and fully believed it), I decided to keep busy and meet new people. And that is where I am now. I'm meeting people in a natural way instead of forcing it.

 

cent 2) Bad things happen to good people all the time. The question you have to ask yourself is "How am I going to deal with the cards I've been dealt?". I know I may come accross as being insensitive (far from it actually), but how should I answer this question? Will i let somebody else direct my lifes' path? Uhmm, no. Or should I let this person force me stay home and feel sorry for myself?? No thank-you.

 

I don't know if you agree with any of this, but this is how I dealt with things. Who knows if its the 'right' way of dealing with a broken heart....

 

 

Hurtin

[Clarabelle]

I guarantee you, hurting, one day you will wake up and you will realize that you feel GOOD again. You keep doing what you are doing to take care of yourself.

[spanglish]

Thanks for the advice folks.

 

I guess it's just a matter of taking each day at a time. I actually do feel a little better each day, but I do have the odd relapse.

 

I have heard from a mutual friend that my ex is also suffering this breakup, which I must admit makes me feel a little better but it also confuses me.

 

I'll still keep up with the NC as I at least feel that way I can maintain a shred of dignity. If she's having second thoughts she'll call. Wouldn't we if the roles were reversed.

 

If she doesn't then I'm still a winner as that gives me the chance to find someone that really loves me. I sure as hell wouldn't want to be with someone who was with me for pity or convenience.

 

Spanglish