Given the chance, how are you going to remind them?

[Mix Maxster]

Hey everyone,

 

Ok this may be a bit of a hot topic for some of you out there, BUT the premise behind this post is for the dumpees to ask themselves HOW THEY WANT TO BE REMINDED when they see their ex.

 

That is, do they want their ex to be reminded of WHY THEY broke up with you? Or Why did they EVER break up with you? In other words, do you want to leave the impression to them that they're happy they made the choice to break up with you or do you want to leave the impression that they may SECOND GUESS THEMSELVES. See the difference?

 

That said, we have taken the time to go over these forums several times helping out others and getting help ourselves without being able to have a chance to take our advice and try it out. Most of us learned the hard way what not to do and now a very select FEW of us can actually have contact with our ex and work from there. Most of you out there have made the mistakes that have been highlighted and are in a stage of NC in both talking and seeing the other.

 

So if you were ever given the chance to just BUMP into your ex or your ex just talks to you for no reason, how do you want to approach them or talk to them? That you've moved on? That you're still hurting? That you haven't figured "it out" yet? That you've become a mean jerk? I mean if you ever had the chance to talk to your ex, how would you come accross? If you had one chance to make an impression on them that would start the means of second guessing themselves, how would you do it?

 

In other words, how do you make someone want something? I'm not speaking on forceful terms, or manipulative terms, I'm speaking of course on how you project yourself with your appearance, your speach, your actions, your body language, everything.

 

How do you use all of that to make someone want what you have?

[JohnnyTable]

Interesting question.

 

Remember how you were when you first met your ex and they wanted you? Perhaps acting like *that* is the way that you should be.

 

That is how I'm starting to feel about myself and it is feeling good. People in general are becoming more attracted to me.

[herewegoagain]

I think that you should act confident and not start crying and begging, but I also think it may help if you tell that person that you miss them, especially if it is a girl you are trying to get back. I think females are a little more sensitive (not my ex, though LOL) and kind of feel more needed when a man tells them that.

 

That's why I have always wondered about NC, and how it may not be so good all the time. Believe me, I'm sticking to NC, but I still doubt whether it is the best decision. Because I think females almost want to see if their ex still wants them. I've heard stories about how a woman would say"He never tried to get back with me, he must have never cared."

 

I also know of a woman who got married and said that if her ex showed up the day of her wedding where she was getting married to someone else, she would have dumped her groom!!

 

Of course, the opposite can be true - if we try too much, we become a nuisance, and it backfires.

 

sorry if i got a little off subject.

[sunfirechick]

There's a chance I might bump into my ex tonight, and all I've planned on is looking hotter than ever!

I don't think you can make someone want to be with you, if it's meant to be then things will fall into place at their own time.

[fantasia2004]

I say for me in my case I better look damn good!( in case the missus is with him) and instead of being a crazy woman, I should act cordial but keep it short and reveal nothing to him. If they ask questions tell him and her to myob nicely and move away. Unless there is a better solution?

 

Maybe he will do better than expected than me. But then again never assume like a friend says. You have no idea what they are going through.

 

And you know what? The fun is to let him or her think the worse of you. Let them think you are doing horrible if they have not heard from others. Because when they do find out that you have done better and things are going well for you that is when they really think about things. By then you will not care. I am beginning to take mix master's advice that when you improve yourself, do it for you not to "show off" to the ex.

 

But how you approach it when you see them again is another story. Be nonchalant or " be aloof" as they say and act normal without revealing too much about yourself.

Let them figure you out. Let them work for it. Tables must turn. Own your right to be respected.

 

I love when people who do not like me or no longer are in my good graces act cold towards me. Because there is more love of me to go around. I have no time for enemies.Plus they act jealous of you. They weight you down like an anvil. Rise above and look forward. If they cross your path and act cold and immature towards you let them act childish, but don't break a sweat .

[Soulfully]

Good question. Even though trying to imagine how you would act in that situation, and actually experiencing it in "live" is quite a difference, I would start by imagining and visualising that such situation may happen anytime, so that you can prepare yourself mentally just in case it happens. Now, careful not to get too obssessed with it, cos it may not happen ever, yet in my own case, I can tell you that the possibility of accidentally meeting my ex-girlfriend with her present boyfriend are quite high.

 

Anyways, its been 2 and half months since she dumped me... If i ever did come accross them, I better be mentally prepared for it. I would approach them with a smile on my face, full of confidence and giving off as much positivity i can under such situation (careful not to over do it though hehehe). Give her two cheek kisses as is the way it is here in Spain, and give a nice firm shake to her boyfriend and introduce me as just one of my ex's friends. All nice big smiles showing that this sort of situation is no real big deal for you. A few exchanges of "how are you... everything well? enjoying the night?" and leave with a "well...i´ll leave you guys to enjoy the night, have fun". And just leave to continue the night as if u were just saying hi to some friends u havent spoken to for a while.

 

Now, i believe this shudnt be some sort of game which u play or act to try and get your ex back. This should be a sign of confirmation, or at least it shud reflect outwards as a sign that your over your ex and that it represents no challenge or difficulty for you. Perhaps it will eat you inside ... in fact it probably will. But as i say, prepare urself mentally for such a situation, and act on it when it does happen...in time this will become easier, and perhaps the more you believe that ur over her and act on it, the better it will get, as in... u will get over her...practice makes perfect hehehe.

 

Anyways, what will this behaviour reflect? In the case of my ex... i know she will be surprised ... she is probably not the best at confronting difficult situations, and this will show the bigger person in you. It will show great confidence, and great ability in moving forwards without regret, remorse or anger. It will show an emotionally successful person who loves life and what it has to offer, be it positive or negative, ups or downs. So, while they are there feeling pretty uncomfortable with the whole situation (guilt trip for her for dumping you, and tension from him cos he´ll probably know who u are), u will be there exhuming positivity, charm, showing confidence, emotional maturity of being able to handle such situations etc... in other words, the bigger person. Now, whether anything happens in return is not the question...the truth is...is that your ex will be thinking how well u handled such a situation and what a positive outlook on life you have, which is good for anything in life ... and her boyfriend ...well...who knows what he might feel...maybe a little tense and comfortable. maybe even a little jealous...who knows. The truth is, not a lot of people can handle such situations easily and gracefully, but if you can manage it, u will be doing a great favour to urself (i.e. self-esteem boost since its a bit of challenge) ... and who knows whether it might ignite a lil flame in ur exes minds & hearts as in "Damn...how could i have dumped someone with so much positivity, confidence and strength ... a strong "survivor" who loves life"

 

That's besides the point though. Its really to do with you. Be brave, embrace life and positivity. Remember, courage, confidence, positivity, a love for life despite its ups and downs are attractive traits in anyone, male or female. So then...believe it, practice it, and if your ex is not thinking about you and cant see and appreciate those positive qualities in you, then its her loss, since im sure other ladies will be thinking about you hehehe

 

PS - obviously, dont overdo it...dont come accross as if your properly playing an act. Now...thats where the difficulty lies...it has to look as natural as possible! If u can manage it...well done! if not, keep on practicing ... its good practice for all difficult situations you may encounter.

 

Live life, embrace its ups and downs, and above all...love life and all it has to offer. It will be an enriching journey.

 

Soulfully Yours,

Peace.

[bamboo]

It's been over six months since my ex broke up with me after six years together and the last time we met up was a few weeks ago. I made sure I looked good without looking like I tried too hard and because I am now relatively happy, I think I came accross that way. We spent several hours together and had a really good time which made a change to how things were before we broke up. We were in each other's company without the pressures of a relationship and had a good time and I think he saw me as the happy person he got together with all those years ago. I could tell by the way he was looking at me and by the way we kept catching each others' eye that he still has a soft spot for me but if we were to ever get back together, now is not the time. Anyway I seemed to make a good impression because after he'd gone home, we ended up spending a few hours chatting online that night which he initiated.

 

The thing is, although I do want him back, I am not desperate for it to happen. I am also quite happy now and I have some prospects ahead of me, so the way I acted around him was totally natural and not deliberate. The best thing you can do is focus on yourself, and the rest will fall into place wether it is with your ex or not.