Counselling/therapy - share your experience

[Musical77]

I've been seeing a counsellor this past few months.

 

I'd be really interested to hear of other's experiences of going to counselling/therapy following a break-up (or at any other time in life).

 

1) Did you/are you finding it helpful?

 

 

2) If it helped, did you learn anything specific (i.e. tips, techniques) that you were able to apply to your situation?

 

 

3) What were the biggest insights you gained about yourself?

[loulou37]

I went to counselling after my break up but for me it didn't help...she never gave me any coping stratagies or advice, she just sat and listened, i needed more than that...but that's not to say it won't work for the next person.

 

loulou x

[Sara1970]

I had counselling a couple of years ago.

 

It was ok, but I didn't really feel like I connected with my counsellor.

He would leave these huge gaps in our conversation, and just sit there looking at me.

I think I was supposed to fill the gaps, but they just made me feel really uncomfortable!

 

The main thing that I learnt was that it's ok to be me.

I don't have to try and be all of these different things for different people.

 

And so I was me.

And I didn't fill the gaps.

 

[Musical77]

I hear you guys.........I guess at least having someone to just listen can be a relief sometimes.

 

I think you hit the nail on the head Sara1970 - all counsellors seem vastly different and it's definitely about finding the right one, one who you can connect to.

 

I saw one many years ago, but I didn't really open up, so it didn't help.

 

I saw one about 6 weeks after break-up and she just listened - at the time I was a bit of a wreck, so at least it was good to just be able to let go and cry without worrying.

 

I then switched to the counsellor I'm seeing now, and she is fantastic. She told me straight off I'd be wasting my money if I held back or didn't fully embrace the process and she did not want me to waste my money. She also said she could not wave a magic wand, but that she would do all she could to help me work through everything. I feel able to trust her completely and have talked about a ton of stuff. I have discovered some interesting things about myself - about how I cope with life, etc.

 

I also feel that for counselling to work, it involves more than a few sessions - it's not a short-term fix.

 

Any other insights would be greatly appreciated! x

[abitbroken]

I grew by leaps and bounds amid a support group I was a part of. Two counselors i had helped me immensely. One did not at all.

[sakohunter]

I went to counseling after my most recent break up. The demise of my relationship happened so quickly and I was struggling to make sense of it all. I was looking to gain insights that I couldn't find on my own because I never did get an explanation as to why she didn't want the relationship anymore.

 

1)Yes it did help me. After the breakup, I was left to try to figure things out on my own. I never got closure. I know some people will argue that her saying goodbye was all the closure I needed, but my mind is analytical and I need to know the why's and how's.

 

2) He tried to teach me some techniques to force my mind to think of something else. I can't say those really worked.

 

3) The biggest insights I gained about myself was that I give too much and don't expect enough in return. Looking back now, there were also some red flags that I should have confronted right away, but I chose to ignore them. That's something I need to be more self-aware of that in the future. The other thing that I learned is that "Time heals and time reveals". This couldn't be more true in my case. I'm 5 1/2 months post BU and although I'm not completely healed, I get a little better everyday. As far as the revealing part, I've heard that she is the unhappiest "happy" person they've seen. Apparently her choices aren't working out the way she had planned. Unfortunately we run in the same professional and personal circles, so finding things out cannot be avoided, although I've been cautious not to ask any questions. Information I have received has been given and I am getting better at telling people that I don't want or need to hear about it.

 

I agree with Sara1970. You need to find a counselor you can connect with and then give them time to understand what makes you tick. We all react to different events differently. A good counselor will not only help you understand your situation but also the reason(s) you reacted the way you did.

[MarnDark]

I'm currently seeing a counselor that's has definitely been a big help to me. I was a walk-in the day after the break-up. I was a wreck, as I'm sure all of us were at day 1. I remember walking to the counseling center and almost burst into tears every time I saw a female. Just horrible. I was practically about to cry my eyes out at the reception desk. My counselor happened to walk by and see me. I know that I looked very desperate for someone to talk to so my counselor told the receptionist that he had 30 minutes to spare. So, he saw me and I second I walked into his office I just burst out crying. He asks what's wrong and it took me about five minutes until I could speak coherently.

 

I've seen one counselor before him for other reasons and we didn't connect very well. I don't blame her as she was relatively young and I'm pretty sure I was one of her first. My current counselor treats me more like a friend, as in he can sometimes relate personal stories and what it's like to be my age. And, I can tell that genuinely enjoys our sessions as much as I do, that it isn't just a job for him. I can't express how relieving it is to be able to tell sometime literally anything you want, and I've embraced that fully making sure that he can truly paint a completely accurate picture of my emotions. He doesn't give me any tips of techniques to help with coping, he assures me that I'm not the type that needs them and I believe him.

 

He has given me insight about myself, yes, though it's stuff I know about myself already. I have no self-esteem despite what other people tell me, when people give me praise I usually take it ironically. It does help to see him, but he's going recommend me to group sessions on top of the normal ones as he thinks I might get more insight from it.

[Musical77]

Thanks for sharing your experiences abitbroken, sakohunter and marndark - I really appreciate it! It seems the key is finding the right counsellor.

 

I have 4 more sessions and then am going to re-evaluate. I'm torn whether to carry on after that? I don't want the counsellor to become a crutch, but at the same time I figure that if I'm spending the money I should really work through everything and see it through for as long as it takes. I know there has to come a time when I have to go it alone, but honestly she has really helped me get through the worst and I have learnt a lot. I also still have past stuff I want to talk to her about and so I guess that I just have to see where it takes me.

 

Anyone else, feel free to share your experiences too (-: