Someone yank me outta this vicious cycle!

[ReneinDC]

It just never stops and I wish he would just leave me alone so badly but he wont/cant unfortunately because we have a work project to finish and we stand to collect a considerable amount of money so we have to see each other. But I try to keep as much distance as possible between us.. well last week I got sick with food poisoning and folks it wasn't pretty! He called me and I said I was quite ill and so he shows up.

 

He nurses me back etc etc.. we both fall asleep.. *u can see where this is going* so we wake up and he asks why I'm so distant and clear on the edge of the bed.. I said it's safer.. well one thing leads to another and something happened... and it happened again a few days later.. and again Well last night I get the bomb dropped on me that he doesn't want to cross sexual boundaries anymore after I questioned him on why he's acting a little distant himself This is the 3rd time he's done this and I'm so angry with myself for letting my guard down!

 

I'm such a bleeping idiot for falling for his crap again and I kept telling him that it wasn't a good idea but he assured me boundaries would be intact blah blah blah and here I am all over again feeling dumped on! Of course he still wants to be best friends but no sex and of course he wants me to be there as backup until someone else comes along. I'm going to have to get out of this project and maybe take a loss on the money because I can't handle this.. otherwise I'm going to knee him in the groin in front of the client and that wont be good

 

Any input is welcome.. as you can tell I'm extremely angry at myself for falling for his nonsense yet again knowing his commitmentphobic history

[Michael2]

Food poisoning, I wouldnt wish that onto my worst enemy, well maybe the ex. You have this all worked out already. You know what needs to be done. But, its so hard to act when the situation actually presents itself.

 

The worst thing you can do is be mad at yourself. SO what you messed up and lust took control, it happens. Just do not let it happen again. I do not know your financial situation, but it may be a good idea to push this project away. Then again, if you are strapped, you may need to suck it up. Thats a toss up, if you cant deal with seeing his face, then by all means slash the project. I personally believe happiness and mental well being is of more importance then money. But then again, I do not walk in your shoes.

 

Stay far away from commitment phobes, they will sweet talk , but when it comes time to settle down and iron out "the what if's and where this is going" they run. If you are sick of seeing their backs, then stay away.

 

I'm not kicking you while you are down here, but in the future, stay away from office romances.

[Trojanmn2]

Well, as far as I can tell you realize what what is going on, what your are doing and what he is doing. What you need to do is really make a religious effort to not see this guy outside the times you have to see him. Maybe taking the hit of the cash is the way to to go. But you must have control over emotions because they obviously have control of you. Enough of the batterment on yourself, I won't say its all your fault, neither is it all his fault. It is both of your faults for crossing the borders again. Yet its not the end of the world. Time will pass as this moment will pass. Now you can either choose the path to follow, which is continue what you're doing wrong and letting your guard down, or actually taking control of the situation even though you may be stressed that he is being as he made the effort "of not having sex" Well thats just fine, who cares who said it first. You can be the one to actually live up to it. Stop anything that could possibly lead to the mistakes you made. Maybe its time to seek something different as in taking interests in different things. Something to keep your mind off this is always helpful. Spend time taking care of yourself. Because the second you succumb he's going to take you for a ride again. Finish the project you have, and part ways.

[ReneinDC]

Food poisoning, I wouldnt wish that onto my worst enemy, well maybe the ex. You have this all worked out already. You know what needs to be done. But, its so hard to act when the situation actually presents itself.

 

The worst thing you can do is be mad at yourself. SO what you messed up and lust took control, it happens. Just do not let it happen again. I do not know your financial situation, but it may be a good idea to push this project away. Then again, if you are strapped, you may need to suck it up. Thats a toss up, if you cant deal with seeing his face, then by all means slash the project. I personally believe happiness and mental well being is of more importance then money. But then again, I do not walk in your shoes.

 

Stay far away from commitment phobes, they will sweet talk , but when it comes time to settle down and iron out "the what if's and where this is going" they run. If you are sick of seeing their backs, then stay away.

 

I'm not kicking you while you are down here, but in the future, stay away from office romances.

 

Hi Michael and thanks for your advice.. stay away from 7-11 hotdogs that's what cause me to be ill for days! we didn't start up in an office or anything we met online but we started a company together and I have to get out of it. What kills me is that he came after me with a vengence then started to feel "weird" for whatever reason then backed out again.. but when I initiate NC he's texting and emailing the doodoo out of me. Ugh it just drives me nuts! Thanks again for your reply I enjoy your posts

[DragonGirl724]

talk about mixed signals, girl youre beautiful, you sound very intelligent & you know how you feel. tell him straight up that you cant handle this. its not fair to you. you have a lot of wonderful traits guys are gonna be lining up for, & u know that deep down. tell him exactly whats up. you call the shots now, but i know that youre probably scared to lose him, its just an unfair situation us dumpees are in. we are dealt this crap & then we have to deal with it all & most of the time, WE, the dumpees, are the ones HAVING TO let go of the ones we still love completely b/c they keep us in limbo & it hurts every minute of the day. its sooo not fair!!! what the hell!!! they need to grow the balls & follow through with the breakup, they dont want you/love u anymore fine, dont contact us, block our #s & screen names, THE LEAST THEY CAN DO IS HELP US ALONG THE WAY BY GETTING OUT OF OUR FACES & LEAVING OUR LIVES COMPLETELY!! dont leave us with the dirty work. now if i only had the guts to say this to MY ex....

 

we hold onto whatever we have left, why do we settle for that? why do we find comfort in this limbo world were put in?? i wish i was a cold heartless money hungry girl that i wont have to deal w/ such extreme emotions.

 

are there any sugar daddy's in the house?? grrr

 

God i wish i could help you more! i know the endless frustration that youre faced with eachday, it SUCKS!!! we'll all try our hardest to assist you during this tough time. we got your back...

 

-DG724

[Michael2]

Typical case. See, many guys tend to exhibit this behavior Renein. They want what they cant have. In their eyes you are a challenge, once they have it, they are content, and sometimes, they even look for the next challenge.

 

He knows he has you, then you throw a curve ball once he starts acting wishy washy ( you pull way), and he starts to turn on the charm again because the challenge is back. You turn into a deer in headlights and his charm may over power you, and you may even think ," THis time he will change" , and you two are okay for alittle while.

 

Its a bad cycle, one that you do not deserve to be in. Its frustrating isnt it!

 

By the way, is he around your age. Has he been married?

[ReneinDC]

Typical case. See, many guys tend to exhibit this behavior Renein. They want what they cant have. In their eyes you are a challenge, once they have it, they are content, and sometimes, they even look for the next challenge.

 

He knows he has you, then you throw a curve ball once he starts acting wishy washy ( you pull way), and he starts to turn on the charm again because the challenge is back. You turn into a deer in headlights and his charm may over power you, and you may even think ," THis time he will change" , and you two are okay for alittle while.

 

Its a bad cycle, one that you do not deserve to be in. Its frustrating isnt it!

 

By the way, is he around your age. Has he been married?

 

Hi Michael.. he's younger by 6 years and he was married before. Another problem is that he was on medication which he no longer takes which is why I broke up with him the first time. Frustrating is putting it mildly it is emotional purgatory! Also The problem with commitmentphobes is that you can't even be just simple friends because they will suck the life out of the friendship as well.

[ReneinDC]

Awww Dragon you are so sweet thank you for your lovely compliments! Let me tell you I've been the hard no feelings for anyone dont need a man you need me more kind of girl and thats very hard to maintain because you shortsell yourself and miss out on lots of sweet things like affection.. kissing etc etc and it's actually quite tiring and lonely. He caught me at a weak moment when I was food poisoned out and maybe he saw that as a way back in because he didn't stand a chance before.

 

Limbo is just awful and it's very hard to wake up from it and move on. I know Ive missed out on some wonderful men because of this vicious cycle and as long as I'm tied to him in some way I feel it will prevent me from meeting someone else and that just isn't going to suffice. One thing we must realize is that the ex's issues are just that.. THEIR issues and his neurosis and commitment issues are his and his alone that I cant let inflict me and my healing process.

 

Good luck to you sweetheart and thank you for your post! I love your graphics btw!

[Mun]

Hello Rene,

Well it looks like you are back to where you were before. I know how you feel, hoping he will be different this time around, then realizing things are still the same.

 

Girl you hold the power here, you just don't know it. This man keeps coming back to you--he is obviously attracted to you. The thing is that you don't give him what he wants until you get what you want. What do you want? Do not settle for less. If he is not offering what you want, then you walk-- plain and simple.

 

I know it's hard (been there, done that, have the Tshirt) but it's the only way. You're hoping that he will change, the trick is that the only way HE will change is if YOU change. You need to show him that you are serious about what you want-- this is the only way to get respect. The flip-side is that if he is not serious about you then he will leave you alone, but wouldn't you want to know that now instead of a year or two down the road?

 

When we keep repeating the same patterns we keep getting the same results .