Question for very social people in their daily lives

[Spirits Away]

There are only two types of people I meet, the negative, moodless, dispirited people on one side, and the people who are generally cheerful.

 

Here's my Question, when you meet the moodless dispirited people, would you rather get away from them or would u still make friends with them? I've recently met a lot of strangers and not sure if i should make friends with them. It just that if i "filter" them, it's too cruel. But it's just that everytime I meet up with them, i never had good experience going whereas when i meet people who are generally cheerful, i would leave feeling happy.

 

My question originated after meeting this girl who are cheerful every single day. I do not like her in a romantic sense, but it really altered my thoughts on the different people there are in the world. My friends are often negative and talks, if not about facts, it's about how they're "missing" something in their lives. After meeting the cheerful girl, i really need to evaluate whether my old friends are even worth spending time with. I admit that I'm recently more satisified in life, and perhaps it's because of that that I want to stay that way and not be influenced by the pessimists

 

I'm very sure that if you're a very social person, you'll give excellent advice whether it's for or against spending time with pessimist. By the way, if you need to make an example to support your point, it would be nice because it creates a very vivid image for your point.

[if only]

I am one of those very cheerful girls I go out and always make sure I am happy smiling, laughing etc I have loads of friends & fun!!! I look on the bright side of life

 

But I am not always so cheerful inside, if you look at my posts you can see, it isnt always that easy. Problem with being always that cheerful person, people forget that you may need them too.

 

All my friends come to me for advise and I help them out greatly but when I split with my long term ex I didnt feel I could cry in front of them- dont get me wrong they were there for me but I chose to go about as nothing was wrong and they all think I handled it wonderfully - on the other hand my pillow doesnt

 

I love being happy, and to be honest I generally am but I would never think of getting rid of friends unless they manipulated/hurt/nasty to me.

 

I have several friends who I try to influence with my cheerfulness and help them through there day as I know how hard it can be. If they didnt have me im sure they would be fine but I feel that I cheer them up when they are blue.

 

This also makes me a better person and a much happier one

[sisterlynch]

I am not sure, but I think that making choices about what to do and think about others is a very good question.

 

If I understand properly, the negative people are the older friends and the new lady is a newer friend?

 

I think that it is still ok to see her and also them, maybe keeping them separate until you are a little more clear on how you are categorizing them and her.

 

Try and think of all that the negies mean to you and all the the positive girl means to you. Now that you are recognizing the difference, it will show to others threw your actions....

[Scout]

Well, there are many different personality types, not just two. Sometimes a quiet person can actually be very happy and full of inner peace. Sometimes the manicly cheerful people are bi-polar, and experience times of profound depression.

 

The moral here is don't always judge by first impressions. It's a good habit to try and get to know people, anyway. It improves our social skills, and you never know, you could actually make someone's day by actually talking to them, being friendly, etc.

[tough_girl]

Well, I have to agree with Scout. We shouldn't jugde people by their appearances.

 

What I think is that you should befriend all the friends that come along including the unhappy ones. I don't know about anyone else but I actually feel happy when I'm able to make someone's day or cheer someone up. I feel a sense of happiness myself to watch a person I know go through the healing process. I feel sorry for the sad people.

 

As for happy and cheerful people, they do make me happy and I do enjoy hanging out with them at times. However, if they're already happy, they don't need us, do they? I suppose what I'm trying to say is befriending those who really needs your friendship might make you happier.

 

However,not all happy people are happy on the inside too. So, I suppose I just enjoy both the sides and personalities. Whatever that needs happen, happens.

[Spirits Away]

Lets put it this way since this discussion is getting to a more unbias talk rather than decision making. If for example, you've met with a stranger. They're not good at opening up with themselves to a conversation, they perceive silent as a big deal, and they talk about their dislikes, or show signs of unsatisfaction in their face expression. Basically they make you leave feeling like you've said/done something wrong. And i always end up having to re-evaluate whether i said something wrong to them at the end fo the day. But the fact is that I never get these feelings from the easy going people.

 

I agree with a couple things you guys say regarding improving on communication skills when facing all sorts of people. I also agree on how some people might be sad inside but happy outside. But really, I personally met too many people who are a bit too true to themselves and whenever they're sad, they'll say the most honest thing in the world and depresses others who listens to it. I'm not exactly into those people. I have too much of an abundant of them in my life that i can't appreciate it. On the other hand, i'm beginning to appreciate the more cheerful ones who are willing to hold back on their lacks and just make people's experience better.

 

Generally, cheerful ones have a set of belief which puts them in a position of constant smiling. And if they are sad inside/happy outside, it just make me more willing to share their sadness. In comparison, if the person is often depressed, i'd rather run from their sadness because from experience, they'll talk themselves to become that way the very next week, even though you've just counseled them a week ago

 

By the way, I hear what all you guys said and i'm taking everyone's comments very seriously. But if possible, can you give me some life experience so that i can make this decision more wisely? So far i can understand where "if only" and "tough girl" is coming from.

[tough_girl]

Well, most of the people that way are a little self-pitying. I do encounter some of them in school too. I don't actually walk away from them or anything.

 

Instead, I feed them back with their own medicine.

 

Do unto others, what you want others to do unto you [/qoute]

 

If they go on about how sad their life is, I would change the subject or probably retort back about how bad the lives of the russian students are.

 

If they're being reserved, I'd try to fish out their favourite topics. However,if they stay the same, I'd probably feed them their own medicine by giving them the silent treatment as well.

[mahlina]

If for example, you've met with a stranger. They're not good at opening up with themselves to a conversation, they perceive silent as a big deal, and they talk about their dislikes, or show signs of unsatisfaction in their face expression. Basically they make you leave feeling like you've said/done something wrong. And i always end up having to re-evaluate whether i said something wrong to them at the end fo the day. But the fact is that I never get these feelings from the easy going people.

You gave a good example. I get what you're saying. I also agree with what was mentioned earlier about giving people a chance. Everyone's different in their own personality, set of style, ways of doing things in their lives. A grouchy person might have that mean exterior, but deep inside, they're just as nice as everyone else. They might not always be up beat and happy, but that's their way of dealing with things.

 

It's natural that we feel comfortable around cheery people, but they also have their bouts of sad moments too. I personally like to be around people who are in between cheery and grumpy. Some people who are too cheery, I mean excessively, hyper-cheery, they kinda bug me sometimes. They physically wear me down, when I watch them act too hyper. But on the other hand, people who are excessively bitter and pessimistic, I can't be around them either. They emotionally wear me down, by being too negative. thereforeeee, a perfect balance in between is nice.

 

I agree with Tough Girl, treat others like you want to be treated. I'll give you an example: I go to the local deli, and this lady's got this mad look on her face. I don't try to judge her. I just think, "She's probably grouchy because she's making sandwhiches all day, and the customers don't give her the respect that she deserves." So I give her some compliments, strike up a conversation with her, smile, be polite to her, and towards the end, when I pay for my food, she's smiling & appears happy. Some people (like my grouchy friends) may initially say: "Well, she's unattractive. She's probably an incompetant person. That's why she works at a deli." It's really not good to go off based on prejudgements, because we don't know how everyone's situation is like. That's why I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

 

We meet people in all walks of life. It's really easy to say, I want to stay away from this category of people, but in reality, everyone's different. They all come from different backgrounds, different socio-enonomic levels, different situations, struggles, etc. thereforeeee, it's important to be sensitive to others, by understanding that we are all unique. Treat them with the respect that they deserve, and in return they'll respect you the same way.

 

I tend to like people who I call are 'social-chameleons' people who can blend well with different types of people. I get along with them best, because they're in the middle between excessive grouchy and exccessively happy people.

 

Nice Topic. Good points.-Mahlina

[Spirits Away]

Okay, thanks for the comments everyone. I've been thinking about what you guys say about "giving them another chance" and mahilia also gave a good example. But I think I need to test my own world for awhile and just filter out the negative people. I want to see if things would get better and better. (btw, when i say filter i don't mean not talking to them... but only becoming an aquaintance to them and no deeper talk. They really do influence my day.

 

Again, thanx for all the comments. It seemed like the people who are good at socializing would all give people another chance and befriend them. Perhaps when i'm at that level you guys are in, i would do the same thing as you guys.

[The Enigmatical Mr X]

Testing it like that is really the only way to figure it out for yourself. To me, the answer lies in your own motives.

 

Are you hanging around these people for their benefit, or your own?

 

In all honesty they don't appear to benefit you at all, that you'd rather not feel this contagious depression when you could be a happier person. If you don't get anything out of this friendship, do you want them to get something out of your friendship? Do you want them to be happy, or do you think they're comfortable this way? Do you want to "help" them, as ugly as that word is? Do you like the people they are? Do you want to bring them cheer? Do you want to escape with every bone in your body?

 

I've met a few people that I've had to face my own moral ground with. Whether to remain their friend for their benefit, or cut them loose and fly with less weight on my own shoulders. For the most part, I've had to cut them loose. I couldn't work through their life for them, face the things they needed to face. Instead, I just made them dependant on me. It's ok to need someone sometimes if you're not strong enough. But not all the time. If you're not careful, you can become a drug of their addiction, and begin to die yourself. However, I've never made the mistake of turning a friend away who came to me for help.

 

Find the 'you' you like the most and do everything in your power to remain and better that person.

[Spirits Away]

I think i know what you mean Enigmatical Mr X. The reason why i need to filter them out is because I realized that the depressed people attracts me into their lives. Imagine seeing somebody whom you know is sad, it's just an instinct that you'll go there and find out if they're okay. But years after years of these, and a couple of "failed to make them happy in the long term incidents", i don't know why i'm still there anymore. Couldn't get them out with their depressing lives. they're just not receptive when i tell them how they can improve. It's like they're addicted to the state rather than wanting to improve on it. And like you've mentioned, they get dependent onto you. And i have TOO MANY of these friends and not enough of those who just got it together. They ICQ/MSN you, ask you how you are, but it's so obvious to me that it's just an opening for them to tell me how bad they're feeling when i reciprocate the question of "how are you?" Then again they consciously/subconsciously depress my life.

What's the point.

 

You've put quite a heavy weight on intent. But for the more outgoing, positive people, i don't have an intent. It's just that when i'm with them, i don't need to worry about whether they're included or not, whether they're having a good time or not (chances are, they'll make themselves have a good time). Even if they're jealous, depressed, got problems, they wouldn't ruin it for everyone by LOOKING like they're jealous, depressed, got problems.

 

But then again, someday I can handle these people perhaps by shaping the conversation to a side where they can't expand on how they're depressed. Shifting their focus on other things rather than their own problems... somewhere along the line. But i will not go the sympathize/solution way no more, they're too receptive to sympathy but not to solution.