I need advice on how to give advice...

[im_the_undead]

I'm quite young, so by default, I haven't lived to experience many things or situations.

I have a friend who is about 25 or 26, and well, she's going through tough times.

Her situation makes me really sad, it stresses me out, but I don't know what to advise her.

I wish I could just magically make things better for her! But... I can't

Should I give her the number to a church counselor?

 

 

Let's see. So the girl is Mexican. She evaded Mexico because the violence in Juarez was extreme and she was afraid. She crossed the border, alone, and came illegally. From what I know, she worked many hard labor jobs. Then, she met this guy who pursed her for years. They ended up dating for 2 years and he proposed. The guy is white, speaks spanish, comes from a spoiled back ground, ect. He lives the American dream, pretty much.

They got married and soon she was pregnant. While pregnant, he cheated on her, with pretty much anyone. He abuses her, humiliates her, makes fun of her because her english isn't perfect, (Matter of fact, he's always texting other females while they're in bed together, and she says the girls don't even speak english.. I'm starting to figure out this guys character. He likes women he feels are weaker and more ignorant than he is, so he can feel macho and powerful.), he calls her names, says if she tried leaving him no man would ever love her because she's 'ugly'.

 

Now their baby is 2 years old, and I ask her, does he love his child? She says....... "When you have a child, you humble yourself and put them first. I am with her 24/7, tending to her needs, and he is not there. He puts himself first... he goes out and parties and we don't hear from him for days. The sad part is, she loves him soo much. Everything is always, "daddy, daddy, daddy!"

I ask her if she's in love, she says that although he treats her like a dog, she does. I ask her if she would consider leaving him, and she says she can't. She can't work because she has to take care of her baby and doesn't have money for a sitter. He won't give her money because that's HIS money, so that's out of the question.

She has no family, her mother died of cancer last year, she doesn't have her papers because he never fixed them for her even though they've been married for 3 years. If she did apply, she'd have to live in Juarez as punishment for coming in illegally for some years or so, because that's where the American consulate is, but she's petrified of going due to the fact that most of her family had been murdered there.

 

Anyway, this girl is a really kind hearted, soft spoken person. I met her at church choir, and she's pretty devoted.

I know her husband, too. He's handsome for a really short guy, and he LOOKS like he's a good guy since he dresses well and attends her rehearsals, or, used to. She wears her ring, and I've noticed, when I'd see him, that he doesn't. I've also noticed him starring at me a lot, too... Like, with lustful eyes, (GROSS) I just want to punch him in the face. Though he looked sweet from a distance, I always felt something was off. Maybe because she always looked so sad.

 

I feel REALLY bad putting her business out there for you people to judge, but I want to give her the best advice ever, she's a magnificent person and she deserves to be treated with respect....... Her situation is a tough one, having a kid and all... and pretty much having a husband who fooled her from the start. DID I MENTION HE'S 23 ? Yeah. -_-

[im_the_undead]

I don't think anyone has advice for this boo

[chickydoodle]

Yes I think a priest or church counsellor . They may be able to refer her to the legal aid she requires. But you need her to be on board with you. She may not want you to do this.

Sounds like you may need advice too It is a pretty heavy burden for you to take on. Where is the time for your life?. You are devoting your life to her ?

I sympathise and hope someone on the forum can help. Also there are on-line lawyers but you have to pay like $60-80 - they can be useful regarding accurate overall facts pertaining to her situation. But I dont think you can go far wrong with talking with Priest regarding confidentiality and trustworthy help.

[im_the_undead]

Yes I think a priest or church counsellor . They may be able to refer her to the legal aid she requires. But you need her to be on board with you. She may not want you to do this.

Sounds like you may need advice too It is a pretty heavy burden for you to take on. Where is the time for your life?. You are devoting your life to her ?

I sympathise and hope someone on the forum can help. Also there are on-line lawyers but you have to pay like $60-80 - they can be useful regarding accurate overall facts pertaining to her situation. But I dont think you can go far wrong with talking with Priest regarding confidentiality and trustworthy help.

 

Mm, I don't know any priests, but I know my pastor's mom is a licensed psychologist? Maybe I'll find her number on google! Anyway, I asked her if she was okay and wanted to talk about it... she opened up yesterday for the first time ever. It immediately stressed me out and want to cry. I just want to help her! The laws here are so................difficult If only they were a bit flexible. If I had a car I'd stalk him just to video tape him in the act of hooking up with someone else ! I feel like evidence would be helpful.

[chickydoodle]

life is full of injustices and altho it seems like she is trapped, I feel she could be doing a little more to help herself- with your encouragement.

Usually immigrants have their own community representatives to turn to and tend to help each other out. Does she have any friends from her home country that can help/suport her?

If she goes to church then she is the best one to recommend a priest.

Regarding her RS. I wouldnt interfere too much there....but I think it is important that she have her papers in order - somehow-someway-so she can empower herself regarding choices. I know in Aus. there is refugee status for those who's life is in danger in their home country. Perhaps there is a clause there for her.

Dont be impulsive even tho' you are passionate about her plight.

[im_the_undead]

life is full of injustices and altho it seems like she is trapped, I feel she could be doing a little more to help herself- with your encouragement.

Usually immigrants have their own community representatives to turn to and tend to help each other out. Does she have any friends from her home country that can help/suport her?

If she goes to church then she is the best one to recommend a priest.

Regarding her RS. I wouldnt interfere too much there....but I think it is important that she have her papers in order - somehow-someway-so she can empower herself regarding choices. I know in Aus. there is refugee status for those who's life is in danger in their home country. Perhaps there is a clause there for her.

Dont be impulsive even tho' you are passionate about her plight.

 

 

They don't have refugee status in this state for Mexicans, unfortunately. I have a feeling they don't have that in any state for Mexicans.. I only know of Florida and the Cubans, but def. NOT here. I'm trying to figure out a way for her to be able to get her papers. It's hard here, REALLY hard. The laws are strict, not flexible, and there are a lot a new laws and loops holes that have put people's hopes up into thinking their situations would be fixed, but then.... they end up getting revoked. I asked her how come she just doesn't move to another country? I had forgotten that the husband would more than likely report her and say she kidnapped the child. He doesn't want to be a responsible father, but he wants to have everything on lock, so he would certainly do that.

 

I wish I had a friend that was an immigration lawyer ! -_-