Is the old pattern resurfacing?

[akatoro]

So, where to start.

I am back once again and some of you might remember me. It was not that long ago that I started 'infrequenting' this forum but now life has led me back to it.

 

My girlfriend is studying overseas, namely in America. We have been together for 17 months all-in-all, not counting a break-up over last nov-january. Either way, what made us break up was partly a weakening in communication and part growing away from eachother. Either way, we got together again.

 

But now that she has been away for only a month our communication has begun to drop again. I want to believe that I have tried very hard to talk to her, ask her how her day has been, how she slept, what she's going to do later on and etc, etc. The thing is that she is very busy with studying and all and I respect that. But we can start a conversation but during the conversation she can play neopets or some other online game only to suddenly say that she has to go eat breakfast/lunch/dinner or whatever, coming back three hours later. And never did she ask me under the last days how my days have been and what I have been doing.. Once when this occurred and she came back from dinner she just gave me a quick message and said that she'd be gone with some friends over the weekend..

 

This of course, led me to become short in my replies and questions so when she finally asked me how I thought our relationship was going, I said that I felt overlooked. She seemed to think that it was all because of me and how I was short with her, saying she could not enjoy herself when I was short.. But is it so bloody strange when she never talks to me? *Sigh*. I told her that I honestly did not think it was because of me but that it was something that we Both needed to work on..

 

.. And now it feels like she is freezing me out again, just like last year before she dumped me; when we talk and I say something like, "kiss, darling. Love you" she just replies with a "goodbye".. Even on the phone. This is the first 'argument' ever during these 17 months, otherwise we've both been pretty level-headed. So now I don't know quite what to do. I hear that the first fight is always the worst but this being a long-distance relationship, making up is not as easy (I'm back in Sweden, btw).

 

Ah well.. I don't want to make anything more out of this little disagreement but I just want to know what I can do or say because now I feel left out because a triffling matter that I refuse to take full responsibility over. Please help me

[CarterJonas]

Hi akatoro,

 

Just one question, Has your relationship always been long distance?

 

Remember that it is good sometimes within a relationship to 'have a few arguments'. This gives the opportunity to talk with one another, especially if one party is unhappy, and clear the air.

 

Perhaps at the moment your girlfriend is truly busy at college and with friends and might not be putting as much into the relationship as you do and as much as you want HER to give. The only advice I can give you is to try and talk to her rationally, without trying to blame her, to see what she wants out of this relationship. You might only have to tell her how you feel and she might realise her neglect to you lately?

 

I assume you can talk to her online via webcam which would probably be better sometimes than just by phone?

 

hope everything works out ok for you.

[akatoro]

Hey, CarterJonas.

Thank you for your reply. We each have webcam but she hasn't used it as of late. Our relationship has only been long-distance for aproximately one month and she will be over there for nine more months.

 

I did not try to blame her when we discussed this though. I said that I thought we both needed to work on the communication and that I did not feel like I was the one to instigate the lack of communication; yet I took part of the blame but refused to take all of it.

Ah well, I'll just have to see how things progress from here.

[CarterJonas]

I agree with what you say regarding seeing how it goes! It's very difficult to read someones mind without them saying directly to you what's on it!