I seriously can't live with my dad anymore.

[jeanettelee]

I don't know what I have done to deserve this.

 

I seriously think that it's either me being a total psycho imagining things or my dad being the most ridiculous person on earth. Why does he always have to pick on me? WHY?

 

The first thing I did in 2012 is crying because he was blaming what he did on me. It's early in the morning where I am right now. We're both sitting at the living room. He had this news channel loud on for like the past 2 hours and him reading the newspaper. I was watching a movie the entire time on my laptop. Then I just can't stand it and was politely asking if he would mind if I change the channel. (It's the same news programme for the 4th time already!)

(Yesterday night Mum wanted to show me some news on the news channel about the car crush near where I have my part-time job. Dad refused to change to the news channel because he said he was forced to watch that channel for the entire day. I didnt even know what he meant by that. Even my mum was out earlier today.)

 

AND...What he said utterly confused me:

 

1- "Your mom likes watching TV news too."

Me: "HUH?"

 

2- "I see you leaving the TV on for hours and have your eyes only on your laptop all the time...when you stay up at night"

Me: "No it's just me watching movie and chatting with friends on skype"

 

3- *humph* "We've nothing to talk about then."

Me: "What???"

 

I seriously have difficulty understanding him.

 

He's basically the source of my depression. When I stay up working at night, he would get up at like 3am and say "Told you not you wait until the last minute......"

 

When I have flunked a test and crying on the phone with a classmate, he would eavesdrop and shake his head next to me. And when I have finished the convo, he'd come and say "oh I heard you've failed the test. It's no big deal right... just one test. You're gonna get an A in the end yeah?" Sometimes I dont even know what he means by what he says.

 

Last time mom told him about how the physician thinks I may have been a long-term patient of depression. (I never wanted to tell my dad.) All he said was "You know... stress is essential for everyone's success. It's what keeps you working hard. I know you're smart... you're gonna graduate with distinction."

 

Also other things like... Of all the places in the house and in the toilet... he would put a bottle of toilet liquid cleaner right next to my facial cleanser...knowing I'd freak out for sure or unnecessarily touching my phone with his hands all oily and greasy from eating fried food. When I freak out because of these things... he'd say "you reckon your facial cleanser/phone/wtever it is ...is more important than your dad huh? I have nothing to say to you then."

 

(As you may already know...) I'm trying to see a counselor and deal with my depression/anxiety disorder. I am trying so hard to be a happier person. I have had a really depressing month with all the work and other pressure in december. After posting here, I have been having a few peaceful days free of depression.

 

He's always dramatizing everything and victimizing himself. He once said that my mum and I were turning against him together... just because we said he should wash his hands before touching the fruit on the table since he was shining his shoes earlier.

 

Is there anything I can do? I dont have the money right now but is it a good idea to move out once I have the money?

I love my parents. But seriously... this is KILLING me. Everytime when I come home... it does upset me to know I'll again be confronted for something totally trivial. During the exam period... just to avoid being put under even more stress... I had a few nights sleeping in the school computer lab. I really dont know what I would do when I graduate and still have to face this after a whole day of work.

[Flyingpiglet]

Have you spoke to your mum about things. Maybe she would talk to your dad for you?

Otherwise, would you be able to watch movies/skype etc in you room.

Keep your phone in your pocket and your facial cleanser in your room when you aren't using it?

 

 

Might not solve the problems as such but might just be a way around them for a while?

[jeanettelee]

Mum is pretty much upset like me. My mum is the kinda of person who never talks about her feelings. But I know she's pretty upset by my dad too. It's more like I usually talk to my dad for my mum. so...

 

Yeah that's what I have been doing already. But everytime he sees me taking everything with me into my room he has this weird look. And it is already very frustrating to keep everything in my own room. We live in a really small flat... and my brother and I have tons and tons of books. (Guess I'll have to sell some later...)

 

Like what I said in the other thread... I have OCD. He knows that.. and it's weird how he would literally laugh when he see me freaking out. (by freaking out i mean i literally scream and break down...bursting into tears...more like going hysterical.) I have been controlling myself quite well these few weeks. (in school computer lab i couldnt freak out but to dance. lol)

 

im frustrated. do i tell counselor about this? i feel bad if i tell her about my family. like it's betraying them or something.

[Seraphim]

Yes, if you are not completely honest with your counselor she can not help you. If you have OCD have you tried CBT? That helped my husband a lot.

[Flyingpiglet]

You aren't betraying anybody by talking about your feelings. Anything that helps towards you dealing with your issues needs to be addressed at some point.

 

Have you tried sitting your dad down with no TV or anything else in the way and really talking to him about how you feel and how the things he say/does really affect you, you could do this as a family including your mum and brother.

But don't make it like ganging up on him, just a way for you to all sit and talk like adults and find ways to support each other. And do it when everybody is calm, not straight after an incident that has lead to you 'freaking out'

[jeanettelee]

victoria66, CBT? I dont know what that is. (The coming tues is gonna be the first time I meet my counselor...never seeked professional help before.)

 

flyingpiglet, I tried to do that quite some time ago. Never worked. My brother is really short-tempered. Once my dad shouts at me my brother would over-react and be over-protective. Usually I am the one who sits down with dad and talk about things. But it doesnt work like that anymore.

 

I was away from home for the summer last year. My emotions were the most stable back then. I am quite an independent person. And you know when you're away from home... you and your family just really treasure the time you have with them on the phone. It was so nice.

 

what's holding me back from moving out or to another country even...is they're getting old i wanna spend more time with them and take care with them.

(I in fact have the chance to move to the states 'cause someone is willing to sponsor me...)

[Seraphim]

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. My husband has had OCD since childhood and this had done a lot for him.

[jeanettelee]

Oh wow. Never knew about it. Is that one particular kinda therapy?

I have OCD since childhood too! I thought I was the only one?

Thanks for telling me about this really!

[Seraphim]

There are millions and millions of people with OCD. My son has it as well. My husband has used a combo of therapy and medication. OCD is usually co-morbid with other things like anxiety disorders. My husband has been in therapy for about 12 years and he is doing A LOT better.

[jeanettelee]

12 years? I thought with just a year or two people can recover from that?

 

Mine is not as serious as it used to be. I used to things really obvious - washing hands, praying out loud and writing down everything I heard (and on the wall !!). Now I just have to do things I have decided to do - have to find my pen, that particular pen, before going to college...even if I was running late. And be really organised about things and keep things clean (in my own sense of 'clean')...

 

A physician I recently went to said I have a lot of symptoms of depression and anxiety disorder. Like I have this prolonged headache from thinking into details of how my coat could have possibly got its stain from.

 

I think vitamin B complex is kinda helping (or it's just like a placebo for me I dont know).

[Seraphim]

OCD is not "curable" in the sense you are one day never going to have it again. People have can have long periods of very few symptoms and then it can reoccur more severely at other times. It is an ebb and flow.

[jeanettelee]

ahhh thanks for telling me that. i didnt know. so it's pretty common isnt it?

[Seraphim]

It is one of the more common anxiety issues.

[jeanettelee]

just now there was a lot of cursing going on with my mum and dad.

it has always been a nightmare since my childhood when they have a fight.