1 yr later - can love be rekindled???

[sola74]

I was in a serious relationship which ended a year ago this month. I found out my former boyfriend had placed personal ad and was responding to personal ads while we were dating. Needless to say it was a messy break up and the relationship ended in heated argument. 2 weeks after our break-up I called to apologize for my behavior, I could have handled things better. We both apologized, forgave one another and wished the other well. Fast forward...1 yr later I still think of him. I've dated, kept busy, have accepted what happened and forgiven him. I'd really like to call him and just catch up, is it too late???

[Ellee1]

sola74:

 

Hey... IMO, I don't think you should contact him. Even though you have taken the high road and forgiven him (the right thing to do for yourself so you don't hold onto anger), what he did to you was deceitful and complete betrayal. I know you still think of him, I did too when I broke up with my fiance in college. And I made the mistake of calling him, as so many others do, and we had sex for a while, he was completely using me and didn't want to talk to me on the phone, basically wanted nothing to do with me unless it was after the bars! Of course I don't know anything about your particular situation, but I do know a bit about the dynamics of relationships, and EVERYONE looks back. Sometimes it is just best to take the positive with you and move on. It is normal to be thinking how you are, I have been there. But I think you'll feel a lot better about yourself if you let these thoughts pass.

 

However, if after some time, you absolutely cannot rid yourself of feelings in your heart and soul that he is the person you are supposed to be with, then I guess you could take the risk of contacting him. But please be prepared for the unexpected (current GF, living a different life, just wants to be friends, etc.), and try not to let it hurt your pride or dignity if something like that does happen.

 

I am not bitter, I just think that you can always find someone out there who is better. I have been thru 4 painful break-ups, and I always thought my life was over after each one of them. I really think so now, because my break up is very fresh (2 weeks), I am a lot older now (29), and thought he was REALLY the one. But I know that if he does not come back to me (we sort of "took a break"), then I will find somebody out there that I was supposed to be with. And so will you.

[zb]

see I never undertood the "there is always the ONE out there for you" thing... I have only been with one woman, we will most likely get married in a year or so... though the relationship has got knocked around some this year due to neglect........If she did dump me, or if I dumped her I just don't see how I could find the ONE, when she was the ONE ...the only one... that has gave me a chance. I hope I get over the feelings I have been having... I have had to be alone so much this year that my eyes have started to look at other women that I find attractive, or at least share some of my interest......it was not like I meant for it to happen.......but how could any of them be the ONE...........you see I just do not understand it.... can anyone be the ONE if you spend enough time with them or something?

[hshot_rooke]

 

 

I agree with Balhatain. I don't think there is someone in the world you are "supposed" to be with. And the saying "things weren't just meant to be" is kind of a cop out for me. You date people and learn if you're compatible and then fall in love and you work on that love.

 

I'm not knocking your post Ellee, but people on this planet make their own destinies and decisions. I'm not a very religious person and I don't put too much faith into fate as you can probably tell.

 

If the relationship was truly loving, then I think people should have second, and third chances to try again. It's usually a mistake on one of the partners parts and if they realize those mistakes and are willing to learn from those mistakes and not make them again then the relationship will probably be all that much better than before.

 

And if one partner in the truly loving relationship cannot forgive and try again, then it is a definite loss for the one that can not forgive. Unless it's a truly unforgiveable act....which I can't think of any...maybe cheating?

 

sola74, if you still have strong feelings for this guy and the relationship was good in every way except the dating personals ad. Then I think you should contact him. Talk to him, if he's single, and completely sorry for his actions, tell him how you felt about him doing those things and ask him if he would like to try again. Only If you truly do want to try again and do love him that much. I know there is the possibility of you getting hurt again very much, but isn't true love worth taking one more risk? If he feels that way too?

 

If he makes the same mistake, then he doesn't love you as much as you love him and then make the decision to be friends or cut him out of your life completely.

 

Sometimes guys such as myself make mistakes over and over and over and then realize....what did I do? But by the time that happens, it's usually too late. As in the case with myself and my EX which I will probably never see in a romantic way again.

 

Hope this helped a little. Don't get your hopes up though sola....I wouldn't want you to get hurt so bad again, cause it's so so painful.

[sisterlynch]

I think it is never too late.

[zb]

I just say don't worry about it sola... I have been giving this some thought and really lets say in my case that I did decide to call it off... I mean cause every time I am with my fiancee anymore I leave feeling like crap......she is really naggy/jumpy lately...of coarse I know she has had to endure my rought times... so I am sticking with it... but at the same time I know a few girls around me that if I was single I could probably start something with them. You would be surprised what a few smiles and few talks can do, especially if a rose happens to be found by the girl and she has no idea who it came from (though be warned that some girls get scared by that, I knew a guy last year who freaked a girl out by sending her flower out of the blue)........ and I think with time anyone can be the ONE as long as you both are interested in each other.... I was really crushed at the thought of loosing my fiancee but now I am starting to feel better about the situation if it did happen... it would hurt, and I don't know if I could just jump back into the dating game... but then I was never in the dating game.... by the way which flowers mean friendship...white roses?