why ex always call, text after moooonths of no contact ?

[quiddy]

as above:

 

why ex always pop out of nowhere after months of no contact when you finally feel better and started to move on? i always hope and pray they will never call me so i can finally meet someone new and be happy

[Thorshammer]

It could be anything. It could be that the relief period wore off and they realize that you really are gone, or that single life isnt what they thought it was. I usually push and pull to gauge their reaction when a lot of time passes. By then I am not interested, and the tables turned, i am dumping them, and i keep them as my option.

[ewr]

It does seem they come calling/texting the second you start feeling better, doesn't it? It's like there is a little red light in their bedroom that turns on when we start to feel better telling them to contact us. The reason for the contact could be anything. If I had to guess, judging by the countless threads about ex contact on ENA....70% chance it's to make sure your still there as a backup, 10% they just want to start a friendship, 10% They are lonely/just got out of a relationship and you are the easiest way out of being depressed, 5% they found some things of yours and want to meet up to talk, 4% they might want to work on things, .9% chance they realized they made a mistake and want to work on things now, .1% chance they healed properly, lived a proper life after the breakup and realized that you both are now in a healthy position to start dating again and want to do just that.

[quiddy]

do you ever respond? i used to but this time after 2 months of absolute no contact i will never ever text back . He used to pop from time to time once, twice a month, sometimes once for 1,5 months but what's the point? the worst is just feeling that there is hope that maybe you could get back together. Because of it after 2 years i still can't fall in love with anyone. It is not fair

[Raaawr]

the worst is just feeling that there is hope that maybe you could get back together.

 

That right there is your problem. Until you can truly let go of that hope you will never move on.

[somethngwrng]

I see a lot of people trying to read too much into their ex's behaviour on these forums. Every tiny little action they make is scrutinised and they believe it is some sign, some form of hope their ex is going to come back. Who cares why they messaged after months? Maybe they were bored. Maybe they were feeling low because their current crush let them down in some way, and they needed a bit of ego stroking. Maybe they want some casual sex. Maybe they're just curious why you haven't messaged them in a long time.

 

At the end of the day, face facts. Most our ex's who left us probably assume they could have us back. If they really wanted you, you'd know about it. Stop hoping and you'll be free to love again.

[RastaPasta]

has anyone just asked their ex why they contacted them? It seems easier than trying to decipher the reasons.

[Thorshammer]

The comfort and familiarity of the relationship dies after months of nc. The ex might not feel confident and safe enough to lay all their cards on the table after dumping you and you leaving and moving on.

 

I once told an ex who i was too stupid to figure out she reached out because she wanted to try again. I joked and said all my ex's come back, and i mention this because an ex of mines broke up with me a few weeks before this other ex contacted me. She got defensive and she that shes not contacting me for that reason. I just ignored it, but that fueled my anger to try to get with her sister, and when I learned they both had a fight over me and how hurt my ex was is when I knew i blew that chance. And she is just as prideful and stubborn as they come. We flirt to this day, and we both seem to be involved when the other is single. Many times we both said we are each others soulmates (i dont believe in that stuff, I was just trying to be cute, but she believes it).

 

Usually, you have to play along. Pretend friendship and let them do the work, you play it cool and careless. I tend to compliment an ex about how much they have changed from when we went out, this usually sets in their head that I dont see them as the girl who dumped me anymore, but someone new and improved. This makes them feel comfortable to open up without judgement... and once they open up...i tell her i might have some space on the line... somewhere in the back.