dpressedone89 Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 your eyes light up a room they sparkle in the light like a flower in the desert like a rainbow in the night your beautiful smile is the sun the light of my life and of my heart like an unsolvable puzzle nothing will ever pull us apart into your soul i stare beaming through your honest eyes the innocence of this girl when i feel you my tears seem to dry your body so beautiful the house of your soul into your eyes i gaze over and over with lack of control i love you babi more than you will ever know words will never be enough hope that someday may i show yeah, uhm i needed to get that out what do you guys think? Link to comment
Tinkerbell Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 Well, I thought it was pretty good, except for this part which contradicts itself: like an unsolvable puzzle nothing will ever pull us apart An unsolvable puzzle is usually considerd to be a puzzle that you cannot figure out, a puzzle you cannot put together...So you're pretty much saying like something that you can't put together, nothing will ever pull us apart... So yeah, that part doesn't make sense... Other than that, good job! ~Tink xxx Link to comment
dpressedone89 Posted September 11, 2004 Author Share Posted September 11, 2004 i was actually reffering to those hand puzzles like the chinese box things or those little rings that are linked together not like a jig saw puzzle but i see what you mean, thanks, glad you liked it Link to comment
PunkPyro912 Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 yeah i liked it...im starting in poetry to try it and all and i think that yours wasnt bad at all. Link to comment
Gauchori Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 Starting in poetry? What does that mean? I have been saying/telling poems for a long time but... I have never wrote them before as I am lately but... is that what you mean? Or you are giving poetry your first shot in your life? Good poem dpressedone89. By the way... if I was you, I will not tell a girl: Your body is so beautiful because... you know. Just go for the most romantic stuff. The eys, the hair, her lips, her face. You know! Specially if its the first poem you are going to tell her. Just my opinion. Good luck and cya 8) Link to comment
i_hate_the_world47 Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 Great poem.Some girl is very lucky. ~Meagan~ Link to comment
Serendipity1607307077 Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 That's a beautiful poem! Link to comment
under_the_pressure Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 Very good poem. I hope everything works out with her and you, because you deserve something great. You're a terrific guy and I love you to death. I'm always here. under* Link to comment
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