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That "longing for them" feeling


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I've been reading this forum for several years and it's helped me a lot. My question is when you are breaking up with someone, or in a "no contact" period for any reason, what do you do when you feel that strong feeling of longing to be with them? You know you can't be with them, for whatever reason, but it's almost like an aching to be with them, and specifically them. What can you do, if anything, to prevent that feeling from arising, and if it does, what can you do to relieve it?


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Acceptance. Accept that you feel this way, accept that it is normal and that the urge to contact them is normal but you must not contact them. This sometimes can be consuming and it usually comes on at alone times or trigger points/bad days. As long as you make yourself strong and do not succumb to it, you will move forward. Also accept that in time, this feeling will get weaker and weaker until eventually you won't feel like this any more.

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  • 1 month later...

For me the gym is one of the few times I don't think about her much at all... Also when out with friends or watching movies (in particular at movie theatres). I want to start reading books again as I hear that is a good way since it is hard to focus on the two things at once. I remember during the last breakup that effected me many years ago I read a biography that had the double effect of making me live someone else's life for an hour a day while I read it I think I might read the Steve Jobs biography next.

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Don't be afraid to spend time alone. Constantly latching onto friends after a breakup can produce a false sense of moving on; in a sense you're kicking the can down the road through another form of attachment. Face your feelings, process them, and realize why you're feeling that way. Usually it's not even about your ex.


I prefer the gym, running, reading intensely, playing guitar or drums, focusing on work, listening to my favorite music, watching my favorite movies....

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