What is dating really?

[red12]

Ok I been seeing this girl for about 2 months now. She says we should just continue to date till october due to her busy schuedle. Well she is also talking to this other guy also cause I jumped in when they was talk and she found out I liked her. Well from what I read in this post that dating is to be loyal and not flirt with other guys. Now im confused. So really what is dating. Seeing other people or being loyal to one person?

[OceanEyes]

Dating does not mean that she should be 'loyal' or that the two of you should be exclusive. Unless there has been some spoken comittment, there is actually no obligation for either of you to remain faithful.

 

I can remember back when I used to date a lot, sometimes I would go on two or three dates with different guys in a week. To me, they weren't so much "dates", but more outings with male friends. I always paid my own way, never slept around and had a great time! But some of these guys, after seeing them a few times, would start to get jealous if I told them about another date I had.

 

If you want the two of you to be exclusive, it's going to have to be an agreement that you can both come to collectively. It seems like she's happy dating and not having any romantic attachments at the moment. My guess is that she's probably either been hurt by a guy before, or was in a serious relationship recently and doesn't feel like getting into that type of intense situaiton while she has so many other things to worry about. She's being upfront with you, so respect that and try to enjoy your time with her.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

It all depends on where you are. Here in KS there really is no such thing as cashual dateing. Most people go by the "3 date rool." Just dateing means you aren't thinking of proposing. It's something a little foren to most of the big city people (I don't mean to sound like a hick, but I don't know how else to put it) but it's gust part of the sociological structure around here.

 

On the other hand my friends on ether cost view just dateing as still being single, but you have someone to call if you need a date for a party.

[Scout]

As Oceaneyes says, dating is just dating until a mutual agreement of exclusivity is decided upon. The reason is so that you can honestly get to know someone before you make the decision to not see other people.

 

Nifty, my personal thoughts are that you can't really get to know someone in just three dates. What do you think?

 

To the original poster, I am familiar with your situation, and remember, I didn't think it was too cool of this girl to have a date with you and on the same night proceed to invite another guy over to her house and not invite you (as you mentioned in a previous post). I ask my question again: are you sure this is a girl you would want to be exclusive with? I know that when people are somewhat mysterious and unattainable it can kind of pique our interest even more, but when they do things that are inconsiderate of our feelings, I feel we should draw the line there. I bet there is someone out there who would be a lot more receptive to dating you, and ONLY you.

[Day_Walker]

You seem to preoccupied with this female. You are worried about exclusivity when its obvious that she doesnt want that. NEVER trust wut people say trust their actions, in this case her actions are telling you that she doesnt want anything exclusive because of her supposed busy schedule. You should believe her bs, if she wanted to make time for you then she could. With all of this information that I have provided you, the best solution would be to start dating another female. Since you two are not exclusive you have to freedom to do that. You need to take advantage of this situation and have fun with it.

[Scout]

I agree with what Day Walker is saying here, and I apply that logic myself in my own dating situations. The plain truth is that when people are truly interested in us, they are available.

[red12]

Yeah that makes alot of sense. The girl I used to date was telling someone how this other guy followed them over to her house ect and she said that she would call me but never did. Then I asked why she didnt call me and she said she was up until 3am talking to her best friend on the phone cause she was upset cause she could not spend the night. It to me sounded weird to have said that when the other guy went over to her house. Im just going to start looking around for something better I gess cause she to me sounds more hard up on this other guy than me. Tonight also one of my friends was telling me that she is just using me cause when she gets bored in school she text message me and when she has nothing to do with her friends she calls me. I gess after that comment im starting to see a pattern. Some good info her thanks for the advice keep it coming.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

Well, scout asked if I thought that you could really get to know someone in just 3 dates. The thing is that here in the mid-west that isn't much of a problem. City's around here are normally less than 3,000 people, so you know the people around you long before you have a chance to date, and even if you don't someone will fill you in after your first because around here one person's business is everyone's business. It's all about the social structure of the environment that you're in. That's what works here, but somewhere that allows more anonymity I do agree that three dates isn't long enough especially when that may be the only time you really see one another.