an update on my breakup and breakup tips!

[musicman777]

Hey People! I'm back, it's almost a month since I posted here, if you want to see my original break up story you can go to this post and read everything

 

My girlfriend and love turned out to be a lesbian and broke up with me. I thought I would share what's been going on this past month and now I feel now compared to when I last posted here. Maybe it will help others in a same/similar situation and I can kinda document about the healing process.

 

Anyway, it's been almost two months since the break up now. As much time has passed, our break up still bothers me every day at least once a day. I still have communicated with the girl and I think that's for the better. Once in a while I think about the first time I went to make a move on her and times we were together. It really hurts but I've come to realize you can't wipe out memories from your head of a person no matter how hard you try. Either way though, I'm getting alot better. At the time I posted this I really felt like I had to go somewhere like these forums to rant. I felt like I needed to talk to someone about it every day. Now days go by I don't feel as if I have to talk about it or have people feel sorry for me as much.

I joined a dating site several weeks ago. Alot of friends said I should move on and just try to find a new girlfriend. I started talking to some new woman and got a couple phone numbers. I haven't found anyone that seemed that special to me yet though. I have faith in the dating site, the little time I've been on the site I've already talked to people, I have alot of faith only a matter of time before someone really special comes along. As silly as dating sites are I am a person of the internet. I work from the web, I've made friends/colleagues over the internet, I stay in touch with friends and family over the internet. Why not try to find a lover on it as well? I've found many girlfriends in the past through traditional means and they all ended poorly obviously... I'll never find someone if I don't get out there and start looking!

 

I have nothing to say about my ex at this point. Good or bad, I am accepting her for what she is and it's time for me to move on from her nonsense. At this point, I don't care about being friends with her anymore. For a while, I was thinking "she should feel guilty for what she did and I should make sure she does by telling her sister or something". Honestly, she probably feels guilty everyday. She was a good woman with a good heart and good intentions. And she's only human. She knows I talk to her brother alot still. She probably thinks about it more often than I think. It's the holidays now. I am trying to focus on people that actually matter in my life, my own family and real friends.

 

Some tips for others out there. I've had a really though time dealing with this break up cause we were getting very close for over six months. I know theres alot of guidelines/tips out there already but here's what I've been doing the past month to move on:

1) CHANGE MUSIC. I love music. I actually write/record/produce music. I've been listening to alot of different music and playing some new stuff on guitar. I absolutely do not listen to anything that has to do with love, break ups, or any music me and her used to play guitar to together or anything. Music strongly affects the human mind and mood you are in. Instead of playing my favorite songs I recorded along of new stuff thats really emotionally driven from the breakup. It definitely helps. If you are going through a break up try some new music. Don't listen to stuff on the radio if you normally do especially, 4/5 mainstream songs today have things to do with relationships.

2) DON'T COMMUNICATE. I think this is the worst thing you can do. Don't grasp on to broken relationships. I think it's definitely helped that I've avoided contact with this ex. Talking to her would definitely being very uncomfortable. Avoid calling, writing long letters, or talking to friends/family to get their attention.

3) DON'T SPY/HOUND. Remove your ex from phone and ESPECIALLY FACEBOOK!!! Facebook is a huge tool that kinda made me fall for this girl. I didn't see her in years since high school. With Facebook, I could go on there, read her wall/messages, see her updates and what she was doing in her life, stare at pictures of her. I kept her on a couple weeks after the break up but I found myself once in a while clicking on her profile seeing what she was doing. This does not help you heal. REMOVE and BLOCK them. Cut off all links to their life.

4) GET OUT THERE. Join a dating site like me, talk to new people, spread the word that you want to find someone new. You know some of the girls I started talking to... nothing came of any of it but I felt soooo much better having some new potential girlfriends to talk to. Also don't get hung up if they don't answer/quit talking. There are tons of other potential partners out there. I think deep down everyone wants that special to someone. If you take a shot and message people eventually someone will show interest in you!

5) AVOID NEGATIVITY. Don't run yourself down, don't get the attitude "I will never find someone again". That's ridiculous. I used to think that all the time and then my ex came along, she completely fell for me for a while. Besides she hated dating guys and gave me a chance, I must be pretty good! If you've had at least one relationship it should be pretty obvious people are willing to date you.

 

Hmm, more to post sometime later, just some stuff to get off my chest!

[Aleina2011]

Thanks musicman - very good post