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Our most recent conversation. Thoughts?


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Hey XXX.


Work is good. I met this new friend, he’s a pretty cool guy, he rides motorcycles too. I was riding on Saturday on the highway and all of a sudden my bike goes *putt*, and I looked down wondering why it just farted and I realize that it began to run out of gas. * * * man. So then I pulled over and had to roll it to a gas station, lol.


But! That’s not why I messaged you. Generally I would have driven down and done something crazy.. but this time, I realized that this just forces you into a guilty corner where you might feel pressured. I don’t want that for you and I don’t want that to be the basis of our possible relationship, but don’t think I didn’t highly thinking about it! A lot of people are telling me to move on and let go, that’s why I said what I said the other day, but looking back on it, I realized that that didn’t do it for me. Who woodathunk?!


Honestly, I’ve been thinking, a lot, and in the end, the same old story comes up. I still feel the way I feel and for me to let go and move on, you would have to say Hey. Listen Bick Boi, I no wanting yooh. And that would be that. It’s just… don’t make me wait, because you know I will. Y’know?! I know your intention isn’t to make me wait, but I am anyway, and I can’t help it. I think it’s the fact that I’m in limbo and it’s not clear cut to wait or not to wait. And I know you can’t just be like Anthony, wait!


My friend asked me the other day, “if she lost a boob, would you still love her?” And I said “yeah”. Lmao. You would just be my lopsided girlfriend. Point is, I’m at a point where, yeah, I’m fine, I have my friends and my family, but I’m having a hard time letting go. The last thing I want is to do that but no matter how much I love you, if you know you don’t want to be with me or have a future with me, let me know.


No pressure, you don’t even have to reply to this message, I don’t want you to feel guilt or pressure because if we were to start again, I’d just want peace, no stress, no negative nothing. You do what you want that makes you happy and I do the same and we support each other in it, that’s what makes a healthy relationship. I get that. Besides, I would want you to come on your own free will, not like last time, because that made you more unhappy.


If you still don’t know, that’s fine. As long as it’s really an “I don’t know” and pertaining to… you don’t know if you want to feel restricted again, not… I’m beginning to really like Dylan and I see myself with him, because if that’s the case, honestly, you two should go do your thing and I’ll handle it how I can because I’d rather you be happy.


Fact is, every time I say I changed and think differently, I do, and so when I say I will support you in those things like drinking/clubbing/biking, I honestly will. Not because it’ll make you happy, but like I said, it’ll make me happy to experience those things with you. Matter of fact, I drank THREE SIPS (zomg) of beer the other day. Lolol. Which just comes to show, those same restrictions are nonexistent. (Toffee: WHAT? Zomggg. Wag wag wag *jumps on people*)






P.s.s It’s an essay. I knows this.


P.s.s.s. I would have made it super serious, but I want you to laugh and feel good and not feel guilty and want to read it.







Oh my gosh. You're taking your bike to the freeway already? Be careful please . Make sure you're always good on gas!! How's the riding going? Please be careful! Suit up 100% of the time. Make hand signals to signal left too like stick out two fingers and point left before you merge


I understand where you're coming from. I really do and I know it's hard, I'd feel miserable and go crazy if I were in your position, and I'm proud of you for holding together so well.


In terms of my "i don't know", its just a I don't know. I don't know what I want or what I should do, I'm kind of just living day by day and hoping that the answer will pop up one day and tell me what I want. It has nothing to do with wanting to be with Dylan or not or whatever, or being with you, its just me, myself, unsure and for now alone is the best way to go. I know this isn't a very reassuring answer. I don't want to lose you but at the same time I don't want to be selfish and tell you things that would make you hang on. Knowing that for now I'd want to be alone, I'll tell you that maybe you should move on and try to let go because I don't want to put you in this position where you're "waiting" for something you won't even know will be yours again. But I'll tell you one thing for sure that if I ever realize that I'm finally ready to be with you and you're not there, it'll be one of my biggest regrets.


Of course you never fail to make me laugh or smile. That picture is def. a Toffee picture, haha!


And wow look at you! Beer?! NO WAY. hahaha. I bet you hated it huh its okay I hated the taste at first too.


I'm sorry, I wish I had a real answer for you I hope you know this is really hard for me too

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it doesn't have to do with the guy, i trust that. i think it has to do more with.. if she wants to be in a relationship.


If she hasn't chosen you, and weighing up who to choose - then you should make the decision for her. If you two were happy, and this other guy came along in the picture, and now she's choosing - walk away.


She'll probably just do this again in the future.

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Do you know what - I think it's very unfair to say she's stringing you along!! I actually believe she is being very honest, and after all; nothing in life is black and white IMO. Have you never had times where you are confused and had to take time-out Dylan? I certainly have and I feel for anyone who has to make decisions that can hurt another person, who you happen to care about.


pbnjam - I would give her time and space as she seems to need it. Leave her alone for a while and allow yourself some time and space aswell. Life is not a clear cut journey - it is one which sends us in many directions, and we have choices of how to make the journey more comfortable and acceptable. This woman is at a crossroads, and needs to find her direction. I see no problem with this personally.

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