Springs Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 I am just wondering if anyone here is doing this? In what circumstances is it acceptable, if ever? How would you feel if your ex sent you a Christmas card? I am thinking I will because he is currently taking time to think and has not made a final decision about us yet. It just seems a little petty to me not to extend this courtesy to someone who has been such a massive part in our lives. My friends have mixed opinions so wondered what you all think. Link to comment
TearsofFate Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 I'm not sending Christmas cards to any of my exes. Just friends and family. I have 2 exes. If I got a card from either of them I'd probably just shrug it off at this point. Christmas is a time for being happy and spending time with those who care about you. You eventually reach a point where you realize why they become exes. For me, ex number 1 is an ex because he was addicted to drugs, got into too many fights with other guys, drank and smoked too much, and cheated on me. Ex number 2 is an ex because he had about 10 exes who he regularly talked to and it drove me mad. So, in my case, I'd probably be annoyed to get a card from either of them. But that's just my experience. I think you need to focus on the people who care about you, and not ruin your christmas by speaking with your ex. If he wants you, he should come get you, you don't need to pursue him. Link to comment
hodgeheg Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 A month ago this exact question was hogging my thoughts and I think I would have sent him one had it been Christmas then (nearer the break up) Now I'm stronger though, why would I? My silence around Christmas time will say more to him and mean more to my self-worth than any card/text. I haven't contacted him since we broke-up and I don't see why Christmas should be any different because it's about spending time with the one's who love you and he cleary is not one of those anymore. Link to comment
BlueRose66 Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Springs, I have been wondering about this too. Mainly because I was the one who initially broke things off. I wasnt wronged intentionally, and there was a lot of good in the relationship, a lot of love. There was just dysfunctional behavior that I needed to step way back from to see clearly. My ex wants to be friends and her last message to me when I returned things said that. I was hurt and angry and shot back a rather not nice email in response. I have mixed feelings about it all. But I do care about her and want her to be happy. We always had the most awesome Christmases together and she was very generous with me and my daughter. I am still thinking about it. I think I may because it will say my angry feelings are over and that I do still care. I know she wont respond but I am ok with that. Well, and then other times I think I should leave things alone. ??????????? Link to comment
Springs Posted December 3, 2011 Author Share Posted December 3, 2011 I hear you BR...I am so tired of looking and feeling like miss I would do anything for you to have me again, but at the same time I would like to be a bigger person and just forget all that. At present he is very much in my life, we have had a lot of contact recently and he has basically told me that if he felt it was definitely over between us, then he would have given me a final answer by now. In which case I think a simple card would not do too much harm. However I did send him a birthday present in september and to my knowledge he hasn't opened it yet because it 'makes him sad'. At the end of the day it is just well wishes to someone who was important to you at one time.. Link to comment
lemsip Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 he has not made a final decision about us yet... My ex strung me along for 4 months like this then broke it off. If a girl ever does this to me again, I will walk away from day 1. I will be the one to make the decision if they can't. Link to comment
Mario043 Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 I don't know who is, but I know who isn't.. ME! Link to comment
remster Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 My silence around Christmas time will say more to him and mean more to my self-worth than any card/text. I couldnt agree more, silent will just tell her from me im gone... She made her choice not to be with me, so thats what she will get. Link to comment
rovwohbw Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 I don't even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I do not know who you are but certainly you're going to a famous blogger if you aren't already Cheers! Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 My ex strung me along for 4 months like this then broke it off. If a girl ever does this to me again, I will walk away from day 1. I will be the one to make the decision if they can't. Yes, they are delaying, if at best deciding their options. They believe time will help lessen the blow. There are always exceptions, but i would not want to go through the anxiety with the time. I gave my ex an ultimatum, and she didnt hesitate saying its over. So that was that. And no card for her, i dont give any of my ex's anything. Link to comment
butterflyburn Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 I shall not be sending a card let alone thinking about them during xmas and new year's. If they write to me I will think long and hard about replying. This guy caused me tonnes of pain now that I am passed it I am not sure I am want to romanticise his awfulness. Am I bitter, no? Do I have regrets? No. But I moved on and he is just not part of my future anymore and sending a card means that. Link to comment
octour Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 If you are in a period of NC, then don't send anything. Especially if you are the dumpee. Link to comment
winniethepooh Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 I am just wondering if anyone here is doing this? In what circumstances is it acceptable, if ever? How would you feel if your ex sent you a Christmas card? Recent ex, no plans to. We don't have a relationship. We don't have a friendship. A previous ex, yes if I was sending Christmas cards in general, because she's a good friend now, and the ex part of things is ancient history. Other exes, probably not, just because there isn't really any connection now. Acceptable if you decide it is. No rules. Whether it's a good idea or not depends on your motivation for sending one. If recent ex sent me one, no idea. Guess it would depend on what it said and how I felt about her at the time. I am thinking I will because he is currently taking time to think and has not made a final decision about us yet. It just seems a little petty to me not to extend this courtesy to someone who has been such a massive part in our lives. My friends have mixed opinions so wondered what you all think. It's not petty to not send him a card. It's respectful and mature because then you are respecting his decision and desire for space by leaving him alone. What's disrespectful and petty is him thinking he has the right to leave you hanging while he decides whether or not you can have a relationship with him. You should be deciding that together. Link to comment
winniethepooh Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 It's respectful and mature because then you are respecting his decision and desire for space by leaving him alone. What's disrespectful and petty is him thinking he has the right to leave you hanging while he decides whether or not you can have a relationship with him. I take this bit back. I was just reading your story, and now I'm confused about who left who, who's making decisions, and who wants what. This is probably not the topic to get into it though. I'll read your other topic some more ... Link to comment
BlueRose66 Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 I decided to leave things alone and not stir the pot. No Christmas card, just nothing. I am finally feeling somewhat happy even, I dont know why I would want to interrupt that. Link to comment
quirky Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 No I won't send anything. I don't really send christmas cards in general, I just call the people that are important to me. Link to comment
Springs Posted December 3, 2011 Author Share Posted December 3, 2011 Before reading all this, I was almost sure I would send one, now not so sure. Hope I have the strength to stick to my common sense!! Link to comment
dobbin Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 not a chance he will be hearing from me on any occasion including christmas. i am spending the holidays with my family and friends --- those who care about me and i care about them. why waste time on those who do not have your best interest especially an ex? clearly we did not matter enough to them for them to try to make it work with us. i have been very happy all day long...kaput to him! Link to comment
LightInTheSky Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Well I don't send christmas cards in general but seeing as we're in our 4th month of NC, and he has made no attempt to contact me since the breakup except once to return my watch, I definitely won't be sending one to him. Maybe if we had established some sort of contact or LC then I may consider a polite merry christmas text but we haven't so I won't. What makes me really curious is the fact that December 25th also happens to be my birthday and I wonder if he'll say happy birthday, we will have been working together every day the few weeks leading up to christmas and because I sent him a happy birthday text 2 months ago, which I got Thanks as a response, I'm curious to see if he returns the favour. I'm at a stage in my healing process where if he doesn't then I won't be upset, I don't really expect one anyway just cause of the NC, but i'm a bit curious. We had a fairly "good" breakup (i.e. no fighting or cheating or hurtful words) and sometimes I wonder if he ever thinks about me still, even in a neutral way. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Oh hell mf'in no. Not because I'm mad at her, but she just doesn't deserve one in any aspect from me. Link to comment
manicdogbert Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 not me. neither of us have any idea where the other lives now. if i wanted to, i could easily find out where he's living from the one mutual friend that we have and vice versa. but i have no interest in doing so. Link to comment
Springs Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 I guess maybe a lot of people see Christmas as a time to reconcile differences, reach out to those you love in one way or another. Maybe for those who are further on in their healing it is easier to resist the urges but for those who still struggle with NC Christmas will be a tough time. I am in complete limbo with my ex and I am expecting to hear from him. I don't want to be sad over Christmas though I know I will be and any little thing I hear from him will only remind me what I don't have. Going to try hard to appreciate friends and family though and try to have a good time this year! Link to comment
Springs Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 I couldnt agree more, silent will just tell her from me im gone... She made her choice not to be with me, so thats what she will get. I love this! It has actually given me a bit of inspiration to maintain no contact...make em sweat Link to comment
meowmix88 Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 It's funny how people (especially Dumpers) can have expectations of contact over the holidays. As of right now, I do not plan on sending my ex a holiday greeting. Anything can happen at any time, but as it stands today, nope. I'm too angry and hurt. I don't want to say Happy Holidays, I want to say, " * * * , you don't make sense!" I felt the same about Thanksgiving and did not send a greeting. He sent me one though. One of my other exes sent me a "Happy Thanksgiving to you too..." text, as if I was supposed to send him one. It's been more than 2 years since he broke up with me and we are not friends. Why he thought I'd reach out is beyond me. Link to comment
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