What do I tell her?!

[needthehelp]

So the whole story is we were together for over a year, eachother's first sex too, then she broke up with me right before summer started because she was moving to college in the fall. She said that itd be to hard to have a long distance relationship and didn't want the heartbreak and longing for me if we waited to break up until she moved so she did it then. Well over the summer we were very jealous of one another and she always said that she wasn't seeing anyone and i said the same. then one night I found out she was lying to me and was doing things with another guy, not sexual, but very flirty and making out etc.. so I called our friendship off because I was so mad she had been lying to me. That weekend I got really drunk and hooked up a girl and slept with her... well within a week we started talking again and then things were up and down until she left for school, yes we did hookup but we knew it would all end when she left. so about a month goes by in school and she starts really talking to me about how much she misses me and yada yada yada we start acting like we are almost together again and how much we love eachother. I recently went and visited her and it all went amazing. when I was there we were drinking and saying very jealous things and she preceded to tell me that she hasnt hooked up with anyone at all and I said I hadn't either... Which is true! ( it was before she left so technically i hadn't kissed anyone since her) .... So heres my dilema, I started thinking about that drunk hookup a lot recently even before I left and decided not to say anything cuz it would have ruined her wanting me to come up there and then i decided not to say anything when i was acutally there because that would have ruined that entire week! and now im just not sure when I should tell her because I feel as if I really need to. What should I say? when should I say it? Do I even tell her? Im so scared of losing her...

[Fun Boater 1]

You say nothing to her about your drunken hook up. Why would you even consider telling her??? You are 100% right about how revealing that information to her will most likely cause her to go ballistic and push you away. You and her were not together in a committed relationship when the incident occurred right? You are under no obligation to tell her about anything that occurred when you and her were no longer committed. Your hook up was your business, and not hers. It is not like you were cheating on her. Not at all.

Don't tell her about the hook up. Dont' let any feelings of guilt you might have over it cause you to sabotage your relationship with her. If things are good, and getting better, between you at present, then go with the flow and put any ideas about "coming clean" about the hook up out of your mind. I know what your thinking - you feel like you are obligated to be "honest" with her, and you probably think that unburdening yourself to her about the hook up is somehow going to make her like you more, because she will appreciate you being so honest....etc... DON'T GET TRAPPED IN THIS THINKING! Forget the incident, focus on moving ahead with her, and keep it to yourself.

[alwaysmoving]

Don't tell her.

[needthehelp]

Thanks man, Im glad you understand and your input has helped!