Pain affecting my education.

[Empathy]

It's only been a couple of weeks since my boyfriend and I broke up. It's still extremely painful. I think about him every minute of the day and as if that's not enough, he haunts my dreams as well. I can't escape the memory of him! The worst thing is, I just started my 3rd semester in college a couple of weeks ago. I take night classes and I've already missed 3 classes! One night class is equivalent to 3 day classes. I've been so depressed that I just can't make myself get up and go sometimes. I can't study. Everytime I try to read the words just go through my eyes and out my ears b/c I can't control my thoughts of him. I can't focus in class because my thoughts of him are echoing in my head. I already feel like I've failed in this relationship. The last thing I need is for my pain to cause failure in my education. I try so hard to focus but I can't. My thoughts of him over power my ability to think about anything else. Somebody please tell me what to do. My future is at stake here.

By the way, that "a word to the wise" post isn't helping me at the moment. It did at first... Just letting you know in case you can't tell.

[light bulb]

Wow, you're young to already be in your third semester! Congratulations on your early accomplishments.

 

Over the summer, I went through this same ordeal. As much as I wanted to be strong and concentrate on my classes, I simply could not. Instead, I withdrew from those classes and used my spare time to do a little soul searching and concentrate on bettering myself. Some people may try to tell you to just rough it out, but the truth is you may not be able to. These things are hard, I know. I would suggest, before it gets too late, to maybe drop a couple classes or all of them if you have to. It's better to drop than to get wd's. If you're on a scholarship then you'll probably be at a risk of losing it either way.

 

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck and I'm very sorry to hear about your pain and problems. Like I said earlier, I know exactly what you're going through. Fortunately, things get better...you just may need to take this time off.

[Empathy]

Thank you so much for the reply. But the problem is, I would drop the classes if I could. I still live at home with my parents and they require that I take at least 12 hours so I can stay on their insurance. Plus my dad is not understanding about these things at all. He mocks my pain. He makes fun of me for it and tells me to suck it up. If I dropped my classes I would have to deal with him on top of all of this. I'm stuck with going to school and I can't even drop one class. I know that it might be best if I could but in truth, it's not just my dad, neither of my parents think that a break up is worth me putting my education on hold. But the pain I feel right now is telling me it's definitely worth it. If I could just take a break for one semester It would probably be best but I'm stuck.

[light bulb]

I know exactly how you feel. I got the same responses from my family as well. Although I'm financially independent, their thoughts and views mean a lot to me. It was very hard for me to do what I did, but I really don't think that I could have pulled through. It was a big blow to my self esteem, but now I'm acing all my classes again and I know I made the right choice. You know yourself better than anyone though, so you have to make this choice.

 

I'm sorry your parents are not understanding of your pain. It's quite possible that they've never felt it before so they don't really understand. Or maybe it's been so long since they've felt it that they don't even remember. I doubt they'd toss you out on the streets if you dropped classes, but since I don't know them, I can't really say.

 

If you decide to stick with your classes, I wish you luck. The best advice I could give is to go to every class no matter what. Missing classes is the worst thing you could do in college. Remember that we're here for you if you're ever feeling down. Feel welcome to PM me if you'd like or just start new threads.

[MrMikeWikowski]

Hi,

 

Sorry to hear about your pain, and about your difficult situation.

 

So, if you plan on staying at school this is what I suggest. And yes, I was devestated last year - I wasn't in school, but I did think about quitting my job because i thought I couldn't cope. Guess what? I coped. Didn't Quit. Didn't loose my job. Actually my boss loved me.

 

You can survive. Trust me. It is hard, but you can. Actually all the school work might be a good thing. To focus on something else.

 

here are a few things that helped me.

 

One hour, one assignment, one day at a time. Break things up. Try to set really small goals. Like making it an hour without wishing that things were different. Small steps will bring you far.

 

Realize that you will hurt. Nothing anyone can say will ease that - although i wish it could. BUT also realize that the hurt will get less and less and less. - especially if you take one day at a time

 

Do some things you love to do. They might seem to not be quite as much fun as they were, but trust me, they still are

 

Hang out with friends. Be yourself. You can still hurt, and still smile at the same time.

 

If it is really bad. Put a rubberband on your wrist, and snap it anytime you think of your ex.

 

Good luck and take care of yourself.

 

Mike

[Trigve]

hey Empathy I don't have any advise for you but I just want to let you know reading your post actually helped me instead. I went through an awful lot of pain this summer and even though I hated it, your post reminded me that it's a good thing that at least I was able to gain this learning experience in the summer when it wasn't screwing up my education and that made it a little better.

 

on the other hand though, if I had been in school and occupied with school work I probably wouldn't have been so hung up about a girl in the first place, lol, it's hard to say...

 

but anyhow, if I had to choose between education and some girl I'd take education in a second. so I guess I'd rather take the pain than risk messing up school.

[Empathy]

I understand what you mean about choosing education but that's really hard to do. This is probably bad, but the thing about me is when I get into a relationship with someone my whole world tends to revolve around that person. If they're unhappy, so am I, (I'm VERY empathetic, which explains the name) if I upset that person I feel absolutely HORRIBLE, etc... So it's safe to say that in losing this person my world has come crashing down. It's hard to focus on everyday life when your world is in chaos.

By the way, I'm glad my post helped you.

[Trigve]

you sound like a really nice girl and I think sooner than you think there is going to be guys lining up to go out with you, which will take your mind off whoever it is you're worrying about right now. The bigger thing then to worry about would be not selling yourself short.

 

despite what it looks like, I'm not trying to tell you to think that it's his loss, I know it doesn't help, especially for the kind of person you are. I know if I really care about a girl and things don't work out, realizing its her loss just makes me feel even worse.

 

I'm saying it seems you just need someone to ground your life and that person doesn't have to be him. like whoever posted before said, take it one small step at a time, and before you know it you'll be free.

[ryan14]

hello empathy

 

i know exactly what you're going through, i'm in a similar situation i think about my ex all the time in class and at home...it really hurts...i just accepted it.

 

tell yourself that you'll think about him later and start listening in class...when you're working on assignments or projects...try to take little steps on answering...atleast you're making progress...the key here is to not stop on what you're doing...always move forward.

 

in 2-3 weeks it will be hard but if you keep moving forward you'll be fine.

 

if you feel lonely, weak, and need some strength...we're here for you

 

good luck and keep us posted

[Empathy]

I just wanted to say thanks for all the helpful advice. If anyone has any other helpful hints please feel free to let me know.

Take care, guys!