starrysky Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 it's 3 months post BU for me, ok not a huge amount of time, but I feel I am getting worse. I am missing him more strongly, thinking about him more, wanting to break NC, crying more and feel like a zombie. I am taking to my bed just to cry pretty much everyday. I seriously can't bear this. Of course just after the BU I experienced total devastation, but there would be times of numbness as well. Now I have had some time to process what's happened, I feel worse than i did say a month after BU. Is this normal? Can anyone tell me similar experiences? Does it get ALOT worse before it gets better? Does it happen a few times before you finally feel like its lifting? I am worried I am going into a serious depression. Link to comment
Raaawr Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 it's 3 months post BU for me, ok not a huge amount of time, but I feel I am getting worse. I am missing him more strongly, thinking about him more, wanting to break NC, crying more and feel like a zombie. I am taking to my bed just to cry pretty much everyday. I seriously can't bear this. Of course just after the BU I experienced total devastation, but there would be times of numbness as well. Now I have had some time to process what's happened, I feel worse than i did say a month after BU. Is this normal? Can anyone tell me similar experiences? Does it get ALOT worse before it gets better? Does it happen a few times before you finally feel like its lifting? I am worried I am going into a serious depression. Ìt gets worse. You think the immediate after is the worst it will get but the feelings of missing them have not set in yet properly. It will get better though. Just make sure you maintain no contact or you will only set yourself backwards. Link to comment
Fela Kuti Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 For me, it's really unpredictable. One day I would think, OK I feel a lot better since the breakup. And then the next day without any apparent reason I would realize how much I missed her and I cried. But trust me, sooner or later you'll be happy again. Just do your best to hang on. Link to comment
HoliPoli Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Cry as much as you need to and don't feel bad for doing so. 2-3 weeks was worse for me. Week 4 has been better, but could be a false better where I break down. We haven't exactly been NC though. How long have you been NC? Link to comment
AnnaN Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 I am in a process where it gets worse almost every day. It's been a month, the first week was difficult, the next two were difficult, too, but I thought I was doing better every day, trying to be busy with my stuff and put my life in a new order as a single and alone... Now, it's been the last week that it's getting worse every day. I am worse than the first week when I was in shock and panic. Now I feel I am nowhere. Link to comment
starrysky Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 I did the begging thing for a week after before giving up, so have basically been NC for 3 months. This was non-initiated though and it may sound silly but i am wondering why i havent heard from him. I feel so desperate for contact right now. I try to let myself cry when i feel the need to, but its hard when you feel pressure from others to be ok now. I found that a month after i had picked myself up a little and could sort of carry on. Now i just feel so much worse!!! And its not like I have broken NC or anything. My emotions are so all over the place right now I am constantly so tired no matter how much i sleep and feel physically weird. Feel at a loss. Trying my best to hang on, not sure how much longer i can though. Link to comment
winniethepooh Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 It might be that the sense of loss is really setting in. There is a period of time you have hope, and that kind of keeps you going but it also stops you from facing the loss properly. At least, that's what I think has happened to me. Also, you're fighting the urge to contact them which is draining. Then you get to a point where you don't have the urge so much and you can stop fighting it but that kind of leaves you numb and lifeless. A bit like finishing a race. You just want to lie on the ground and rest. Well, again, I'm speaking from my own perspective, so I don't know how common that is. All you can do is keep going, and try to remember that you will feel better. Also remember that if you do initiate contact (or sometimes even if you respond to contact), it usually puts you back to the start. Link to comment
starrysky Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 Anna i feel everyday is getting harder as well. Just when you think you have exhausted your emotions you simply can't help crying again... I don't know where i am atm. And its not like i haven't tried to help myself during this past while. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 oh yea...definitely worse before it gets better i'm nearly 3 months BU and 6 weeks NC...as time goes on it gets harder cos you at least expect them to contact you to ask how you're doing but nothing comes.... Nearly broke NC yesterday, as some of you might have read but i just couldn't do it i was at my absolute lowest as well, something just came over me and stopped me. Today i feel really good, been out n doing lots of stuff, stiil thought about him loads but in a different way, so much different from last week, tomorrow might be miserable, who knows..i'll have to deal with it when it comes...day by day...baby steps, if i think too far ahead i just panic!! love to you all, my friends loulou x Link to comment
Bolegged04 Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 It will definitely get better. I am almost 4 months post BU and getting stronger every day. I still think of him sometimes, but not like I used to. He contacted me after 3 months on some foolish stuff and it set me back a little, but I regained myself and kept moving. He constantly text/call me and all I do now is ignore him. I know its hard and you may want to talk to them, but remember you are in control and its only a moment. Im staying in complete NC from now on...its whats best for me.....and you should too. Link to comment
Eocsor Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 It gets worse, it gets better, it gets worse, it gets better. Repeat a few times. It's the stages of grief that you are cycling through. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally Acceptance. It's not a linear process and just because you've gone through a stage once doesn't mean you won't revisit it later. But eventually you come to accept that it's over for good and then you start to really move on and heal. It's a long process and it depends on how significant the relationship was for you. I'm almost two years out of my relationship and life is really good again. It took me a solid year to start to feel really better about the breakup and another after that to totally move on. Thats been my friends experience as well after they were divorced or had a long term relationship end. It sounds like a long time but actually it's not. Looking back I can't believe how quickly I've gotten here. And as corny as it sounds, it taught me a lot about myself and made me a stronger person. You'll get there too. It just takes time. Link to comment
purpleberry Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 3 months post BU, 2 months NC. It got worse for me too..I guess I am finally accepting and realizing the true loss. Before that I was doing well because I hoped he would get in touch soon to check on me but he never did. I tell myself everyday that I can move on and live a better life without him..I try going to gym, hanging out with friends and ENA believe things will get better in time! There will be sunshine after rain. Best of luck to everyone! Link to comment
starrysky Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 Eocsor, that sounds like an eternity to me! How on earth am i gonna survive this for a year or even more?! I can't bear the thought makes me think it would be better to end things sooner. And all this cycling through stages and emotions, i feel i'm going crazy. Link to comment
starrysky Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 purpleberry i have been doing the same. Seeing what friends i have left, going to the gym, working on my self-esteem, trying to meet new people. But i don't feel any benefit. All I want is my relationship back. I thought he would check on me as well, he was always so caring but perhaps i severely misjudged him. Don't get me wrong I don't want a relationship with someone who walks away from what i have to offer but i feel i will literally die without it, sooner or later. I loved him so, so much and miss him terribly. I still love him Link to comment
AnnaN Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 It makes me feel worse thinking that I may need a year to feel better. Living like this for a year? Have one whole year of my life lost because someone that we were making plans for our life together decided that he is not the relationship person and disappeared? I will get crazy, I can't stand myself the last month and it's only a month... Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 NO NO NO!!! don't think like that it will just f'ck your heads up, one day at a time, and everyone's healing time is different, depends on the depth of love, time you were together etc...everyone keep calm :s you can only think, i am gonna get through for now, for this moment... loulou x Link to comment
starrysky Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 Thanks loulou, but i don't know how to possibly think like that when the next moment is always just as bad or possibly worse than the one that proceeded it. I want to end it at times, but the thought of possibly having a good future and a new love is all i have left and thats why it despairs me so much that it may be so long away... Link to comment
Raaawr Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Thanks loulou, but i don't know how to possibly think like that when the next moment is always just as bad or possibly worse than the one that proceeded it. I want to end it at times, but the thought of possibly having a good future and a new love is all i have left and thats why it despairs me so much that it may be so long away... Look, you dont know how long it will take. No one knows how long it will take. You are assuming it will be a year or 6 months. It may not be, it could be 2 weeks, all you know for certain right now is how you feel right now and how you felt yesterday. You cant know how you will feel tomorrow. You cant know what will happen tomorrow. Today you feel bad, I understand that I completely feel for you but you cant keep looking at this as a 1 year thing, it isnt that, its a now thing. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 that's it Raaawr!! yesterday i was really low, i mean, really really low, i thought what's the bloody point in anything anymore, i spent my whole day sitting here feeling sorry for myself, was even gonna text him but i didn't and today i've had a good day...i've still had pangs of missing him, last night i think i was at my lowest and most desperate, you need to go as low as you can before you get back up and once you've been there and survived you know you're gonna be ok. loulou x Link to comment
lemsip Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 ^^ spot on as usual. Hang in there starry... Link to comment
starrysky Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 eugh i hate this, its absolute hell. Thanks everyone for your responses, don't know where i'd be without this forum. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 eugh i hate this, its absolute hell. Thanks everyone for your responses, don't know where i'd be without this forum. we're all in that hell with you hun, just waiting for the fire to go out hugs....loulou x Link to comment
Raaawr Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 eugh i hate this, its absolute hell. Thanks everyone for your responses, don't know where i'd be without this forum. You are on a forum full of people who feel the same way. Do what I do, read some peoples stories and give a response. It makes me feel better and takes my mind off my own stuff to try and work out other peoples. Link to comment
utopie Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 I feel the same guys. It's been 2 1/5 months since the BU and 1 month NC. I also thought he would reach out but I told him I could not do small talk with him so I guess that's why he doesn't. I was doing better for the last 2 weeks and this week I just miss him so much (I ran into him on Friday but acted like I did not see him. Seeing him did not help) and have so many regrets. It sucks Link to comment
starrysky Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 Thanks loulou. Raawr- I feel thats all i do sometimes is read peoples stories on here. I try to respond where i feel i can relate, but never feel of much help since i am so in despair most of the time. I do take great comfort on here though. utopie, yes it utterly sucks!!!!! hugs to you x Link to comment
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