Advice need from both women and men.

[harvej]

I am the guy who was dumped after divulging that i had cancer. My girlfriend of 5 years said she was already thinking of breaking up,so technically she isnt abandoning me in my time of need. I have not heard from her since Nov 16th. Nothing on Thanksgiving either, no text, cards, calls, or any words of encouragement. She is already semi living with her new boyfirend whom I caught on their second date that day after telling her. She has known him for along time,and he has been pining for her years waiting in the wings in the event there was an opening. I wnet NC and am getting better everyday. I still have many thoughts of her and painful thoughts of them together and her having fun with him etc. i dont know if the weakened immune system makes my defenses down, and i cannot fight these images off, but time may heal this issue. After much research, I was trying to get my head around this person and her actions. She had displayed zero empathy thruout our relationship when she cheated, and again now. Each time she did get caught she would say that she "thought we were broken up when she did it", as an excuse to be exonerated of personal blame for cheating. Now after knowing I am sick, she disappears completely, not even a single inquiry about my health, nor any contact whatsover. I dont need or want her pity, but I am still trying to figure out what personality disorder she has that allows her freedom from caring? Take in mind that she is NEVER without a backup person and jumped from one failed relationship to another. Each time, she carrys baggage with her. Pregnant, STD, etc.. She seems to immediately move in with the guy. She has a 10 year old daughter exposed to this stuff as well, who also diplays a lack of empathy around her friends. Her mother was the same, and abandoned her while she was a kid to chase men. Does this sound like a Borderline Personality Disorder? Lacks all empathy for others, jumps into a relationship 5 days before telling me its over, and already acting like she is fully married to this new guy. I would like to say that she is in a rebound relationship, but she seem so shallow that she can actually conform to this new life with this guy and act like I didnt exist, to best serve her means. What are the chances that she will ruin this relationship and start calling me again? I want to move on without having to seek counceling. Any quick fixes to get over her? I am addicted to her, but know

she is bad news for anybody,and i will never go back with her after this. I seriously doubt that she would even attend my funeral,and I didnt depart in any angry fashion. She just ended it, i didnt beg as i was stunned at her callousness,and have not heard or seen her since. Is there a clinical answer to this type of behaviour from her? I need straight talk and encouragment that fellow women are not like this. PS: I treated her quite well, financially and with love. I never allowed her to move in with me as i didnt think her daughter needed a 4th daddy to confuse her in her 10 years of age. I had planned on marrying her, moving her in, but she didnt associate her need for the timing vs my ability to execute. It was all about Her needs and wanting it now, an without any regard for my ability to do it right and honestly. Sleeping over at the new guys house withen 5 days is sort of ghetto in my book.

[Raaawr]

No quick fixes Im afraid. The jealousy is understandable but you have to remember you are better without her, her lifes a mess and you just got caught in the storm. She honestly is not worth your thoughts.

[harvej]

Thanks Raaawr! A perfect storm that is! LOL

[toby17]

You're trying to figure out why someone who wasn't worthy of you chose to leave you. I know you're going to keep trying but really the best advice is STOP. You're never going to figure this out, I can't figure it out from reading what you wrote except that she is obviously messed up.

 

Even if you were to figure it out, it would only tell you why she moved on. You'll still have to deal with the breakup. Diagnosing her problem might help her if she gave a damn but she doesn't, you diagnosing her problem doesn't help you.

 

What you really need to figure out is

- why you put up with it, esp the cheating

- Why you want her back despite the fact that she left you when she found out you had cancer

- Why you're making excuses for her by saying she was thinking about leaving anyway.

 

I know it's hard to deal with this now, and it would be so good to have someone there for you. But list all the things you don't have to put up with. And imagine honestly what it would be like if she was still around. Would she really be there for you, visit you, take care of you. Or would she make excuses for not coming to see you, be cheating on you?

[harvej]

What I meant by she was leaving anyway was that this is what she actuality said. "I am not abandoning you, I was already gone before you told me you had cancer". That was bs because she stated that she wished she could move in the week before. I knew I was going to make myself look foolish by stating how she cheated, but I think I was just stupid and fell for her for the wrong reasons.