Some advice please - My first girlfriend and i loved her, cheated on me :(

[K3vlam1n]

This is a long story But:

First off i am quite young, (20) but i have had a long life. I was abused throughout most of my life and forced to work as a kid for no money, in crappy conditions that i hated. As a kid i never had a time to be a kid and i had to grow up fast and act more like an adult then a kid. I am very mature for my age and i look it as well, and how i speak. I am educated and i am in my second year of university on scholarships and i am keeping good grades with a GPA of 88%. Life was good.

 

In April one of my friends who i have know for a very long time in my life had began talking to me, and then we started dating. In this period we also discovered that we had been in each others lifes for much longer then we could realize. She was my very first girlfriend, and she came into my life during the beginning of the summer vacation and we spent a lot of time with each other. I had fallen in love with this girl pretty early in the relationship and i cared for her dearly, to the point where i was at her graduation, doctors appointments, and i was always in constant communication with her.

 

We went on 2 vacations with each other where we spent a week camping in the states and 2 weeks camping upNorth in Canada, and we had began to be closer and closer with eachother. I treated her like a queen, she rarely is never had to pay for dates, i was always by her side, or on the phone listening to her, and i always made sure that i had taken time out of my day to be there for her. At times i would be busy with friends when we first started dating but then i stopped going out with friends so i could talk with her. I a sense my entire life was consumed around her, either going out, or sitting on the computer talking for hours or talking on the phone. I remember one of my phone bills said that i had talked to her for 36 hours in a month and sent 4000 texts.

 

I always made sure i was there to support her and help her, but there were snags and hiccups occurring in our relationship, which i had brought up. I told her that she needed to change the way she behaved because she acted quite immature in many situations, and did not show gratitude for anything. It always seemed like i was putting a lot more effort into the relationship then her, but she insisted that it was stress of her bankruptcy and her family. Those two items really dominated our relationship as she lost her car in the bankruptcy, and there was a lot of stress. (She was 19 - but her family forced her to buy stuff in her name or she got kicked out of the house). Her family was always on her ass, and caused a great deal of grief for her, and lots of stress in our relationship. They constantly said that she was pregnant even though she wasn’t, and just caused all these problems.

 

6 months into the relationship a hidden secret of hers came out that she was raped. I had not known this and I was fairly upset about the whole situation because I figured that was something you should talk about. At that same time we began to have sex, and it was intimate and fun. I was also beginning school and that is where some of the problems came in.

 

We stopped going out on dates because I had no money to pay no more, and she began questioning me if I was happy in the relationship and accusing me of planning to leave the relationship. I had always reassured her that I was and that I was not going anywhere. A week ago, I had opened my email and saw the subject line: I love you. I opened it and discovered a string of emails and photo exchanges that she was doing with another guy where she said she loved him. I checked again and it was her email logged in because she had borrowed my computer for a little bit and still had the password in. I was furious and I confronted her on it and she lied to me. Then she said it was because I wasn’t paying enough attention to her or her health concerns, even though we talked for 3 hours every day.

 

I broke up with her and I was shattered. I still am. I felt like I had lost my best friend in the entire world and that I was betrayed. I am rather confused as to what to do, and my stomach has been turning, and I haven’t really eaten or slept since it happened. When I do sleep I think about her. She says she has moved on and within a week of breaking up with me she has a new guy and says she loves him, even though she is texting me saying that she wants me back. We talk but we don’t really talk about what happened, because it just frustrates me.

 

This is a tenth of the story, but in a nutshell, it seems like everything was fine till the cash stopped coming. When I was in school, she kept accusing me of being unhappy and that I was going to leave her. She had these email exchanges with another guy where they had said they loved each other and went into sexual details. She lied to me when I asked her about it, and finally she is with another guy a week after we broke up and already says she loves him, but texting me trying to figure out how to get me back.

 

I am seriously confused on what to do, and I have no idea what to think. Am I stupid to have left her for this. Am I over reacting? I feel like I have been broken into a million pieces and I really don’t know where to go. The internet articles I read fail to address the complicated issues, so I am turning to the forum world for advice. I am seriously confused on what to do, I am heartbroken, and I ultimately feel very alone, because I always had someone to talk to and turn to. I dont really know where to start after this and it is tearing me apart.

Please Help, I know this was a long read, but any advice would be nice

Cheers

John

[Raaawr]

It sound like you were a good boyfriend but the bit in bold concerns me. You need to make time for yourself and not always be around her, your life cant revolve around 1 person it will only damage the relationship.

 

 

 

Its said our childhood depicts who we are. Although her personal life was no fault of yours I am curious as to how you approached her about wanting her to change.

 

 

 

It is something you should talk about but it takes alot of time to be able to tell someone. She didnt not tell you to hurt you, she held back on telling you because she was probably hurting. Its not a reflection on you at all she just simply wasnt ready to share it.

 

 

 

 

Due to her childhood and rape issues she seems to have had very low esteem which would lead her to question those things. The fact she lied about it when the proof was right there to be seen is a red light personally. Also, blaming it on you is a reaction brought on by her self esteem. She was wrong to do what she did, dont doubt that for a second.

 

 

 

You lost someone who you felt was very close to you, it will of course hurt, but honestly I think you are better off without her. There is too much there that you could never possibly be able to handle. Eventually she would have weighed you down and the relationship would have ended.

 

 

 

Cut off all contact with her, she broke your trust, lied about it to your face and then blamed it on you. Plus she doesnt seem that reliable anyway, she cheated on you and now shes trying to get with you while with another guy. She is bad news, please for your own sake just cut all contact with her and focus on finishing your studies and moving ahead with your life.

 

 

 

NO. You have certainly not over reacted. Breaking up with her was the right choice for you. It may not seem that way now but in a few weeks, maybe months you will realise. Its your first relationship, it will hurt but trust me, when things are that bad and that hard in the first one you better off. Not all women will treat you like that and not all relationships will be that hard.

 

First thing to do is decide you will not contact her and do your best to stop her contacting you. If she contacts you ignore it.

Second, is there any hobbies you have always wanted to do? Learn to play the guitar or something? Nows the best time to take up whatever it is you wanted but didnt have the time for. Then join some classes or something, a social class where theres a few people doing the same thing. As soon as you walk in the door youll have a common interest to talk about. You gotta get out there and become invested in activities and you will meet people.