garyl Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 Helpfully someone can give me some insight on this. About a month ago me and my wife had a blowout about stress and life issues with work, children and each other. Well doing the conversation my wife explained to me that she was nolonger inlove with me but she did love me. Now fast forward a few weeks and my wife called me at work and asked me to moveout of our home so she could findout what she wanted. We I asked here way she said it was not me but other stuff. I asked her if she still felt the same about me and she explained to me that she was on a sesaw where she wanted to stay with me but then she did not want to stay with me. Ok fast forward a week later I have me out over the weekend and staying at a friends home. I my wife last night to talk to me daugthers and foudn my wife to be very "Disconnected" from me. I asked her if she had put some energy into what was going on with us and she stated she did not have time for thinking about us right now. I starting to feel like she is to busy with her life then workout our relationship issues. One addtional thing, for the last weeks she has been going out to have drinks with her peers after work and on the weekends stayout until 1:00am to 2:00 with a friend. What do this all mean and I am starting to want to just say the hell with this. please provide ANY insight to help! I really feel alone right now and not sure if I should talk to my wife or just get a divorce! thank you for the help! Link to comment
bzborow1 Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 Seems she could be looking outside the marriage, but I can't say for sure (obviously). Why is it YOU who has to move out of the house if it's her with the problem? Link to comment
Jerhico Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 First, a disclaimer: I'm a cynic. Please consider that as you read the following: Based upon what you've said, and the time-frame involved, I believe your wife really is trying to decide what she wants: Her marriage with the man she has children with, or to continue an extramarital affair she's kept from you. The times she's been going out and returning point to a liaison rather than a person just wanting or needing space. I'm certain a little digging will turn up the proof you need. If the behavior change was sudden, it makes me even more certain in my gut that there's more to this picture than what she's showing you. Good luck, and if you're inner voice is shouting something at you, it can't hurt to take a moment to listen. Link to comment
garyl Posted September 8, 2004 Author Share Posted September 8, 2004 Thnx for the advice, damn I hate when you love someone so much and they cant or wont return the love. Let me add she told me this weekend that I love her more then she loves me. I believe she was telling me that I was putting too much pressure on her when it came to the relationship! One more thing! about six weeks ago my wife had a sexual experinece with a female friend of her's. I found out about this and she said she was sorry and did not know why she did this. Just to make this clean the other women gave oral to my wife and then my wife told me she used a dildo on her. I know everyone will probably think that I am crazy but I foregave her and tried to move on! what would you do leave and try to find happiness or stay and waite for her? Link to comment
AzurePhoenix Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 Garyl, So odd isn't it that we can help other folks with their issues so deftly, but are near deaf, dumb and blind when we are trying to sort out our own emotionally charged stuff. Something I think we all suffer from. It has been my unfortunate experience when someone tells you something along the lines "You love me more than I love you." or "You are a better person than I am.", or "I dont deserve you." that what they are really saying is that they have broken your trust, and are in a backdoor sort of way trying to seek absolution for their actions and that the worse is about to come. I am going to challenge you here a bit Gary.. Answer the question "What is a relationship?" Put your emotions in your back pocket for a bit and then compare your answer to your situation. There should always be some quid pro quos in a relationship. Something for something, give and take, regard for regard. What regard is she giving you here? She has the time to work out her relationship issues with you and this should be the top "to do" thing on her list. If she has time to go out and party.. then she should have time to think about the two of your and your family. That is not what she is doing. This looks to be like she has a hidden adgenda. She is ignoring you and your pleas for your relationship. She is living the single life. She has moved you out of your house. She only needs to contact an attorney and you will be left with nothing but the clothes on your back. It looks to me like you are being set up. I am going to be harsh mate and tell you straight up that this is going to be ugly. She is setting you up for a hard fall. My advice to you is to move back into your house, call an attorney serve papers on her if she has not already beat you to it and..above all.. protect your children. PM me if you need someone to vent at.. ~AzurePhoenix Link to comment
Jerhico Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 AzurePhoenix speaks wisely. The Force is strong in that one. Link to comment
Disillusioned Guy Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 Oh god Garyl - This is all so familiar. It's amazing how other people who are not attached you you or your situation can see the obvious that you are blind to (I'm 100% guilty of not seeing the obvious in my marriage split). You have to imagine a priority list - and where you should be on it. On your list your Wife would probably be number 1 priority along with the kids - if your NOT her number 1 priority then I'm sorry to say it, but it's all downhill from here. The moment a married woman starts living a life outside the marriage (going out, coming home late etc) she has normally made up her mind that her partner is no longer important to her. If you were important then she wouldn't risk the relationship by going out and telling lies. It doesn't matter if they come back and apologise for their behaviour and promise to put more into the marriage - there is a certain innocent trust that everyone has in their loved one that is gone forever after they do something like this. Sorry to be so cold about it all. Link to comment
bzborow1 Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 I agree 100% with Azure Phoenix. By doing what she's doing she's clearly telling you (if she hasn't already) that she's looking only for her needs 1st. I'd be worried if she's taking this me 1st approach when she's around the children. At any rate as I said I agree with AzurePhoenix. Move back in, either start looking for a divorce and/or tell her she's got to deal with her issues in some other way. Link to comment
garyl Posted September 9, 2004 Author Share Posted September 9, 2004 Well I did a strong thing yesterday. I told her that it is over and explained to my childern that mom and dad are just friends. When I did this she cried and started to tell me she felt that even if she stayed with me she could not promise that this would not happen again. Well now I need to pull my self togther and be strong. Boy does this really hurt and cause you to rethink your decisions. Link to comment
american dream Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 Wow I have seen this pattern before. Hopefully what happened to me won't happen to you but... It started here -- link removed and it ended here -- link removed Hopefully this is not where it will go for you, but it doesnt look promising. Link to comment
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